Celebrity Squares To Make A Comeback In Effort To Thwart Lockdown Boredom

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 6 April 2020

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There'll also be an interactive online version of the shit quiz

The once-popular Sunday teatime TV gameshow, Celebrity Squares, is to make a long-awaited comeback in an effort to give viewers something to look forward to at the weekend, and to beat the Lockdown Blues.

Originally hosted by Bob Monkhouse, the show will have a new host, as Monkhouse is dead.

The game is based on the popular Noughts and Crosses, with nine TV celebrities sitting in a giant 3×3 grid. Two contestants - one playing as 'noughts', the other as 'crosses' - take it in turns to predict whether celebrities will be able to answer questions put to them by the host. If they are correct, they 'win' that celebrity's square. It's all very exciting!

The show worked in the 1970s largely thanks to Monkhouse's exaggerated beaming grin, razor-sharp wit, and cool assurance, and the new host, whoever it turns out to be, will need to have the same suave and sophisticated manner that fans of the show still attribute to long-dead Bob.

After leaked reports suggested talk-show host Graham Norton was being considered, dozens of people who had applied to be contestants withdrew their applications.

One commented:

"Bob Monkhouse would be a better choice!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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