Massachusetts to Crack Down on Toilet Paper Hoarders

Funny story written by Fannin Fabriano

Monday, 6 April 2020

image for Massachusetts to Crack Down on Toilet Paper Hoarders
Officers found 2,803 rolls of toilet paper in the attic of Gunner and Olympia Pappanetti's home in Chicopee.

BOSTON – The governor of the state of Massachusetts has just issued a mandate stating that the state will no longer put up with those individuals who are hoarding extreme amounts of toilet paper.

Governor Charlie Baker has informed the inhabitants of Massachusetts that state police will begin a house-to-house search, and anyone found having more than 12 rolls of toilet paper will have the extra rolls confiscated.

The governor wants to assure the citizens that no one will be fined, arrested, or beaten, unless state officers come across an individual who has over 100 rolls in his or her possession.

Gov. Baker stated that, in that case, the entire amount will be taken into custody, and the hoarder will be fined $85 plus a toilet paper transfer fee of $63.

The governor noted that, if the individual becomes argumentative or in any way belligerent, then that person will be arrested, placed in a tiny 6 foot by 6 foot cell, not fed for 24 hours, and be forced to watch reruns of the old "Lawrence Welk Show".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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