BILLINGSGATE POST: Outside the Costco in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, Elmer Smuckmeister was stopped by the local constable. Elmer, who was an enterprising young man of impeccable credentials - his father owned the only saloon in town - was only too happy to oblige when pulled over by the cop.
“What’s up, Sergeant Wee Willy? Did I do something wrong?”
“Son, do you mind if I search your van?
“Be my guest, sir.”
Upon dutifully searching the van, Sergeant Willy threw Elmer up against the van and hand cuffed the bewildered young man.
“WTF is this all about?” asked Smuckmeister.
“I’m arresting you for possession of crack paraphernalia. You have 48 rolls of toilet paper in your van.”
Slim: “That’s why you shouldn’t hoard toilet paper.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Small town boy goes bad. Shit happens.”