Denmark Reclaims Virgin Islands; "Selling Them was Absurd"
Charlotte Amalie, The Virgin Islands. The only Danish student here in the capital of The Virgin Islands today pulled down the American flag flying over the state house and hoisted the flag of Denmark. This occurred after Danish prime minister Mette F...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Speaks Out On Amazon Rainforest Fires
The thousands of fires that are currently sweeping through the Amazon rainforests of Brazil are a global environmental catastrophe, and, offering his considered opinion on the subject, Manchester United newboy, Harry Maguire, has said the whole fiasc...
Read full storyKiss-a-thon at G-7 could lead to more sanctions and tariffs
The G-7 summit in Biarritz, France, over the weekend has led to increasing tensions in global economics. Particularly in play is a sensational moment involving Melania Trump and Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau. Photographs reveal Ms. Tr...
Read full storyTrump Declares Himself King of the Jews
President Trump is doubling down on his stance toward Jewish voters. Last week, the president stirred controversy when he implied that Jews who vote Democrat are "disloyal." "I think any Jewish people that vote for a Democrat," he said, "I think it s...
Read full storyTV Conundrum
There will be arguments in houses up and down Great Britain tonight, as to which drama, steeped in richly-observed characters and reality to watch, Poldark, or the return of Midsummer Murders. In one, a handsome chap with a penchant for taking his...
Read full storyTrump and Johnson still competing
When told that Donald Trump had been waiting for six years for him to become British Prime Minister, Bourke Johnson thought, well Mr Trump, that is nothing. I have been waiting for my entire life. Trump's claim is the equivalent of some star of a...
Read full storyWife not looking forward to the next Star Wars film
Lorraine Johnson sat through space documentary The Last Jedi with her husband Gary, partly out of affection, but more because she was told that heart-throb actor Tom Hardy was in it. She now dreads sitting through The Rise of Skywalker when it is rel...
Read full storyWeather Forecast For Tomorrow
The extremely hot weather that's being enjoyed by the whole of the UK is set to continue during the first half of this week, but after that, it's going to be back to normal for most of us. Record temperatures have been the order of the day, along...
Read full storyMan regrets betting his house on Poldark ending in a bloodbath
Chutney on the Fritz's local idiot, Gary Johnson, is beginning to regret betting his family home on historical documentary Poldark ending in a bloodbath. 'I was watching where they were building the school, in double-quick time, and just by the cl...
Read full storyPeople sitting around a table, discussing the weather
In a pub, today, eight people sat around a table discussing the weather. Dave and Pat both agreed that it was far too warm, and they couldn't wait for autumn to begin. Peggy, at 73, the oldest of the group, said that she remembered the summer of 1976...
Read full storyBoris and Donald arguing over who is mummy's special soldier
Boris Johnson and Donald Trump, two of the most important world leaders are arguing over who is Mummy's Special Soldier. Mummy, in this case, is Angela Merkel. Both wearing expensive, but cheap-looking suits, and with their very similar, blow-away...
Read full storyPub musician singing Dylan's 'Don't Think twice, it's alright' giving some thought
Brian Asshat, Chutney on The Frtiz's grammar pedant in residence has decided that it is time that he thought twice, because, as it stands, things aren't alright. 'Like most of us starting on the folk scene in the 1960s, we expected that our words...
Read full storyHas Anjelica Huston Really Fooled The Arab World?
Tehran, Iran - “Bin Bags Calls Her Mommy,” Iran’s Supreme Leader said today in a heated FarsiBook rant, as controversial pictures of Saudi rubbish-king-in-waiting Mohammed Bin Bags Salman went viral on the web. The circa 2001 images show a Riyadh...
Read full storyUpper-Middle-Class White Woman Ashamed to Have Issue as Unoriginal as an Eating Disorder
After years of late-night bingeing on massive quantities of junk food followed by periods of extreme restriction, Amanda Cantrell of New York City finally came clean to her therapist that she hadn't managed to come up with an issue more original than...
Read full storyIce Cream Van Played 'Match Of The Day' Theme
Residents sat up and took notice, whilst others peered from behind their twitching curtains yesterday afternoon, when an ice cream van started playing the theme tune from Match Of The Day over its loudspeaker. The unlikely incident took place on t...
Read full storyWorld Leaders Try to Lose Disruptive Trump at G-7 Summit
Biarritz, France Tired of having President Trump interrupt all the other delegates, and talk for hours about himself and his "accomplishments," the rest of the G-7 delegates met at an unknown location to talk, without telling Trump where they would...
Read full storyScamway and Scamatology to Merge Into a Super-Cult
Scamway and Scamatologists announced today that their two organizations would be merging in a marriage made in Cult Heaven. "This will provide a lot of benefits for the people in both organizations. Scamatologists will now be able to sell detergen...
Read full storyGreenland to Consider Entering The Witness Protection Program
In order to hide from the advances of Donald Trump, INTERPOL has discussed entering the country of Greenland into a witness protection program to hide the entire country from President Trump. "It has never been tried before, of course, but we feel...
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