There were 545 spoof news stories published in October 2012. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Why In The World Did "Hell On Wheels" Kill Off One Of Its Most Popular Characters?
HOLLYWOOD - Reports are that AMC has received tons of letters, emails, text messages, tweets, and phone calls asking what in the world the writers of the hit western Hell On Wheels were thinking when they killed off one of the shows most well-liked a...
Read full storyNASA Solves Mars Mystery: Leprechauns Left Gold Dust There!
When Mars rover Curiosity sent back images of soil with sparkling flecks in it, at first NASA scientists were stumped. But they kept on digging. Finally, they were able to explain those sparkles. The scientists came to the inescapable conclusion t...
Read full storyNo Malarkey, Giant Eyeball Found on Florida Beach!
Things will never be the same in Pompano Beach, Florida. Not since a giant blue eyeball was found on the beach there. No definite info yet as to how it got there or who owns it. As news of the eyeball spread, there were a variety of reactions. "I say it belongs to big brother," said a Florida teenager. "He's always watching, y'know." An older lady on the beach was sure the eyebal...
Read full storyMy life as a man #22
Keeping up with the English Jones' My neighbor, Gerry, the British guy who came here 23-years-ago, has a beautiful wife, a very nice home (that he keeps up like a palace), three wonderful adult children, and seven grandchildren. His two grown sons and his one adult daughter were all born in a coal-heated flat in the "South of London," wherever the hell that is. His two eldest grandchildren, a...
Read full storyBitterly Fought Custody Battle Ends In Defeat For Father Resulting In Utter Despair
A bitterly fought and highly contested child custody case was finally resolved late yesterday afternoon after a Florida court ruled in favor of the mother of the two children involved in the dispute, resulting in the father obtaining full legal and p...
Read full storyThe Madonna - Russell Crowe Feud Gets Ugly
NEW YORK CITY - There is no one in the World of Celebrities who loves to get into angry arguments, bitter clashes, venom-spewing squabbles, and antagonistic altercations more than Madonna. For some strange reason known only to her, the 54-year-old...
Read full storyTop 10 Signs the NYPD Is Controlled by the Mob
The New York City Police Department has been shooting up the town, mowing down tourists, blasting unarmed motorists and popping harmless potheads on a regular basis. Fearing a federal investigation of his police force's bad aim and nasty attitude, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has decided to "privatize" the NYPD. After a lengthy and thoughtful search, Bloomberg selected the Mafia as the most qualif...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Finally Dumps Angelina Jolie
NEW YORK CITY - Close friends of Brad Pitt say they have seen the writing on the wall for quite sometime but simply did not want to make waves. After months of threatening to break up with Angelina Jolie, Brad has finally stepped up to the plate a...
Read full storyLance Armstrong Named Yankees' New Cheating Coach
New York -- Looking to bounce back from being swept in the American League playoffs, the New York Yankees have named former cycling scammer Lance Armstrong as their new cheating coach. "We managed just six runs in that four-game series," said Yank...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Asks Jay Leno, "Why Does Romney Hate Big Bird?"
HOLLYWOOD - Little Honey Boo Boo has managed to knock Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, and Paul "Skippy" Ryan all off the front page. The seven-year-old star of TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo recently appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Le...
Read full storyNottingham man arrested at Nottingham Lidl for laughing out too loud!
Nottingham, UK: In a bizarre incident today an ageing gentleman was arrested at the German supermarket, Lidl, in Nottingham. It seems he was acting like a loony and could not contain himself whilst laughing his bald head off very loudly! Other Eng...
Read full storyShortlist for Archbishop of Canterbury position announced
The final shortlist for the soon to be vacant Archbishop of Canterbury position was announced today by a group of men in fancy dress and funny hats, although these were later revealed to be their religious uniforms worn for special occasions and to s...
Read full storyNASCAR Strike Looming - Replacement Drivers Will Soon Be Interviewed
ATLANTA - Rumors of a looming strike by NASCAR race drivers are starting to spread like a swarm of locusts in Queensland, Australia. A union representative for the drivers Larkin "Pistons" Waxington, 29, stated that negotiations between NASCAR exe...
Read full storyBritney Spears Finally Reveals Why She Dumped Justin Timberlake
REDONDO BEACH - Britney Spears was having the Fee Fi Fo Fum Foo Foo Platter at The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Diner when she noticed iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli sitting a few tables away. The X-Factor judge, who knows that Miss Vermicelli...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo's Gay Uncle Poodle To Get His Own Reality Show
McINTYRE, Georgia - It had to happen sooner or later. The TLC reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo will be giving birth to a spinoff. According to a network spokesperson, the new show will feature the uncle of Honey Boo Boo, Marvin Lee Thompson.
Read full storyBBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Beleaguered BBC bosses were left reeling today after yet another scandal broke involving one of their biggest star turns. Already engulfed in controversy following the Jimmy Savile abuse scandal, BBC chiefs fear the corporation known as 'Auntie' m...
Read full storyBonnie & Clyde's Personal Belongings Are Auctioned Off
NASHUA, New Hampshire - Two of the most notorious outlaws of the Great Depression Era were Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. The two Texas natives wreaked havoc and terror across the Great Southwest by robbing banks, savings & loans, Piggly Wigg...
Read full storyIn Homage to Felix Baungartner's Leap from Space, Local Man Jumps Off Upturned Bucket In Own Back Garden And Nobody Gives A Toss
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, announced today that Felix Baumgartner wasn't the only man on the planet pushing himself to the limits of human endurance, as Shuttlecock himself became involved in pushing personal boundaries to the limit. As Felix...
Read full storyThe Million Muppet March Scares Paul Ryan
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The organizers of The Million Muppet March say that the event is gaining momentum daily. Michael "Gonzo" Bellavia and Chris "Fozzie Bear" Mecham say that they decided to put the march together after hearing Mitt "The Flip Floppe...
Read full storyPresidential Debate Part Two - The Bar Brawl
Last night the second presidential debate took place at Hofstra University, Hempstead, New York. It didn't turn out as expected. Gone were the typical boring questions about the stagnating economy, failing foreign policy and tedious domestic is...
Read full storyThe U.S. Post Office Is Having To Resort To Nudity
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Postal Service has found itself in the worse financial situation in history. According to official U.S. Government data reports, the USPS lost an amazingly unbelievable total of $5.2 billion during the third qu...
Read full storyThe Interesting Case Of DEA K-9 Drug Dog Agent Rover Boy
LAREDO - The United States Drug Enforcement Agency, known as DEA, is reporting that K-9 Drug Dog Agent Rover Boy, who is regarded as one of the DEA's top drug sniffing dogs, has been entered into The Bow-Wow Dog Rehab Clinic in Baltimore. A spokes...
Read full storyCannibal Cop's Arrest Prompts Bloomberg To Limit Human Flesh Portions
New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg made the Big Apple less appetizing to the city's cannibal community today, introducing a new Health Department regulation that limits flesh eating to "one pound per person per day." The restriction came on the he...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Gives Homeless Happy Days Star Erin Moran $900
McINTYRE, Georgia - Little Honey Boo Boo has just shown that she has a bigger heart than that anti-Big Bird fella that is running for president. In a move that even stunned her own mother, June "Mama" Shannon, the tiny seven-year-old, decided to s...
Read full storyRussell Brand Says He Can't Help His Charles Manson Stare
EL SEGUNDO - Russell Brand was sitting in The Second Base Bar when he was approached by the bar manager. Brand was told by Guido Gunafoochee that he needed to tone down his enthusiasm a bit as he was using way too many curse words and there were s...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will air on TLC
ATLANTA (ABSNN) - Alana Thompson (Honey Boo Boo) and her mother June Shannon (Fat Demonic Hell Pig) are the stars of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. They visited a television station in Atlanta, the home of The Learning Channel, to discuss their upcoming...
Read full storyNevada college course requires girls to masturbate
FALON NV (ABSNN) - "The teacher said I had to masturbate to pass his class," said WNC sophomore, Imanice Gurl, a 19-year-old who lives with her mother. "Momma says it's wrong to play with myself. I really don't know how. I guess I learn, though,...
Read full storyA Nation Weeps As Hannity Threatens To Quit Fox News
Fox News' very own conservative spewer of spin, Sean Hannity, has sensationally threatened to abandon the much loved "news" channel if Mitt Romney loses the presidential election. On his daily Romney campaign show, a seething Hannity told his wors...
Read full storySavile Row to be renamed Tailor Street
One of London's poshest streets, Savile Row, is to be renamed to Tailor Street in a bid to distance itself from Jimmy Savile. "We don't know for certain just what Jimmy Savile has done or not done," said Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, who is orga...
Read full storyVP Debate Sends A Nation To Sleep
Rude, condescending, arrogant, always interrupting, unhinged and mean. No, Sean Hannity wasn't talking about himself. That was his description of Vice-President Joe Bidens performance last night at the one and only VP debate in Kentucky. The de...
Read full story'Saville Inquiry' clue in Jill Dando cold case review
London - "Sounds as plausible a theory as any daft Red Top bollocks," a BBC 'deep throat' hinted today, "churned out ad nauseam since her death." Speaking in hushed tones at a secret Barking potting shed rendezvous the informer reckons the Britis...
Read full storyThe Hell's Angels Are Voting For President Obama
VENICE BEACH - In a move that took the Mitt Romney political campaign team by surprise, the national chapter of The Hell's Angels Motorcycle Gang has stated that they will all be voting for President Obama. Hells Angels spokesperson Rufus "Spokes"...
Read full storyThe Devil Flames the Obama/Romney Race
Washington, DC -- In an historic first, the Devil has declined to throw his support behind either candidate for US President, declaring that both contenders "are hell-bent on creating chaos without any help from me." "That makes it impossible to c...
Read full storyO.J. will sell 'murder knife' for $5 million--Jimmy Hoffa found during prison cavity search!
NEVADA STATE PENETENTARY (ABSNN) - O. J. Simpson is offering to sell the knife that was used to slay his wife, Nicole, and her friend Ron Goldman, for the sum of $5 million. Guards at NSP immediately tossed his cell but found nothing other than a ba...
Read full storyTim Tebow Officially Owns "Tebowing"
NEW YORK CITY - The backup quarterback for the New York Jets, Tim Tebow has just announced that he is now the sole owner of the world wide phenomenon that has become known as Tebowing. The 25-year-old football player registered his peaceful celebr...
Read full storyBBC Presenter from 60s and 70s Smeared
A presenter from the BBC during the 60s and 70s has been smeared by the press for being the only one who didn't inappropriately touch people up during the time. Wally Hampstead worked at the BBC, on radio, and television - as well as with children -...
Read full storyPresidential Debate Part Three - Romney The Musical
The third and final Presidential debate took place last night at Lynn University, Boca Raton, Florida. With CBS old timer Bob Schieffer at the helm it promised to be another lively debate. However, it was a strange statement made by Governor Mi...
Read full storyPinochle Marriage Rules to be Changed
Annapolis MD: The governing board of the American Pinochle Association (APA) has proposed updating this old French card game to encompass the 21st Century concept of same sex marriage. A Pinochle deck of 48 cards consists of two copies for each o...
Read full storyJimmy Savile sponsored a transvestite website
News has emerged that a proportion of the charity funds raised by the not-Sir Jimmy Savile not-OBE, was siphoned off to fund a transvestite website called TV-Chix, where cross dressing men would arrange meetings for sex. "This is one more nail in...
Read full storyRon Jeremy and Pamela Anderson To Star In The X-Rated "Binders Full of Women"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Mountain Peak Pictures in association with Gladiator Films has just announced that filming will soon start on the new Staccato Monteverdi political porn film Binders Full of Women. Monteverdi told Pomona Vox with Silver Screen Sho...
Read full storySusan Boyle livid at news of Jimmy Savile
Popular singing sensation and "Britain's Got Premium Rate Phone Lines" runner-up Susan Boyle (known as SuBo to her friends or "Mad Scottish Woman" to her detractors), has thrown her weight - thought to be approaching 14 stone - into the foray regardi...
Read full storyDominatrix in Frankfurt, Germany, claims world whipping record!
An infamous ageing Dominatrix in Frankfurt, Germany, has been entered into the Guiness book of records after beating the world's whipping record by fifty lashes and then she dropped dead! The previous record was 500000 lashes in 5 days held by US...
Read full storyPaul Ryan Does Full Spread Centerfold Photo Shoot for Playchick Magazine
The Romney presidential campaign has released a statement affirming that Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan has just finished shooting a full spread with Playchick Magazine. Robert Benson, an official Romney spokesman, had this to say at a press conference called to explain the campaign's latest move: "Congressman Ryan has posed for Playchick to prove, in plain sight, how dedicated he and...
Read full storyCasey Anthony & Nancy Grace sued for $3 billion in Illuminati plot
ORLANDO, Florida (ABSNN) - Casey Anthony, the Most Hated Woman in America, was acquitted in the murder of her child Caylee who died more than three years ago. Her legal trouble has not ended, not by a long shot. She is still in the middle of a laws...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch their Health and Safety fashion range
Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store for the fashion conscious and intelligent, has announced the launch of it's new range of Health and Safety clothing. "Hi-viz jackets are useful," said range designer, Wok Gann. "What they're not i...
Read full storyMaine Zumba Prostitution Scandal an 'Illuminati Plot!'
KENNEBUNK, Maine (ABSNN) - 129,277 men in this tony seaside town (all apparently Democrats) on the Maine coast have been named as "Johns" in the Zumba Prostitution scandal. Their names, but no other identifying data, were released by order of the ju...
Read full storyEagles Quarterback Michael Vick Says That His New Dog Is Really Only Half Dog
PHILADELPHIA - Quarterback Michael Vick's team, the Philadelphia Eagles, is currently sitting on top of the NFL's NFC Eastern Conference with a 3-2 record. And it appears that, as usually happens with people who get in trouble, Old Mother Trouble...
Read full storyHoney Boo Gets Into It With Ellen DeGeneres
HOLLYWOOD - The star of TLCs Here Comes Honey Boo, Alana Thompson recently appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. The little seven-year-old in four-inch heels demonstrated to Ellen the way that she walks during her beauty pageant competitions. E...
Read full storyParis Hilton Kissed A Girl And She Liked It
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Paris Hilton, who is best noted for doing absolutely nothing, managed to crawl back into the headlines with some girl-on-girl antics at West Hollywood's Laughing Beaver Comedy Club. Hilton, 31, had gone to the club with her much y...
Read full storyMitt Romney Says He Hates His New Nickname
RALEIGH, North Carolina - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Bus Tour stopped off in Raleigh on the way to Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He told the semi-cheering crowd that he was thrilled to be in Raleigh, the town where the inventor o...
Read full storyRepublicans Find God, Win Epic Game of Hide and Seek
Senator Chris Coons' office has sent out a short brief detailing how the Congressman has finally found God, and put an end to a millennia-long game of hide and seek. Asked to comment about his Earth-shaking discovery, Senator Coons had this to say...
Read full storyLed Zeppelin's Brand New Album
Led Zeppelin was first formed in 1968, 44 years ago. The band has just released their latest album which is titled Just Blimpin' Along. The album title was thought up by Jimmy Page. Just Blimpin' Along was recorded on the Vinyl Record Recording Label at the prestigious San Andreas Fault Recording Studios located in Tarzana, California. The band's lead singer Robert Plant, 64, said that all...
Read full storyVal Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco of Dancing With The Stars: The Va Va Voom Rumors
HOLLYWOOD - Members of the entertainment media have been speculating since the start of this season's Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars, that professional dancer Val Chmerkovskiy and General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco could be more than simply...
Read full storySir Jimmy Savile to be tried from beyond the grave
Prime Minister David Cameron will address the Conservative Party Conference next week with news of an announcement designed to increase their popularity by at least 15% - the dead corpse of Sir Jim'll Savile will be dug up and tried in a court of law...
Read full storyGilbert Gottfried Spotted Driving An Ice Cream Truck In Nogales, Arizona
NOGALES, Arizona - There is no better example of a person putting his foot in his mouth that Gilbert Gottfried. After making his sickingly sick non-joke about the Japanese tsunami the man with what has to be the most irritatingly grating voice in...
Read full storyBritish tourist arrested for theft of penis pump from Dallas sex shop
DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD. "We got a ph...
Read full storyA Londoner's guide to Yorkshire
With decentralization many people from London are finding themselves in strange primitive parts. One of the most frightening is Yorkshire. Yorkshire folk are very tribal and don't take to strangers. They especially dislike people from Lancashire and Wales. Although they can tolerate people from London they are not always friendly. Yorkshire folk speak in the Genitive tense all of the time.
Read full storyLady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - City Health Inspectors rated the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga "at below 'C' level for 42 critical sanitation violations." The very best rating is "A." The report was released today and was actually a re-inspection of...
Read full storyStudio Goes On The Offensive: "Our Prinzzess is NOT Latino, No Offense To Our Housekeeping Staff."
A young upstart animation studio whose first full-length feature is set to release Friday is going on the offensive, fighting back against charges that their Princess is Latina. In an early morning press release, Prinzzess Studiozz explains that...
Read full storyNew York hurricane 'named after bent ex-Clinton National Security Advisor Sandy Berger'
New York - "Someone at the US National Hurricane Center sure has a bizarre sense of humor," is how one New Yorker put it today as the year's worst super-storm barreled up the Eastern Seaboard. Hurricane Sandy is thought to be named after former C...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Scab collection stolen
Kenneth Dunston has been left distraught following the theft of his scab collection. Dunstan, 52 from Ryde on the Isle of Wight, discovered the theft on Sunday morning when he returned from the Ryde twenty-four hour bowls marathon. "It's terri...
Read full storyBig Tex Catches Fire and Burns - Romney Blames President Obama
DALLAS - Big Tex, the legendary 52-foot tall statue at The State Fair of Texas for 60 years, caught fire and completely burned. The Lone Star State icon with the 75-gallon hat first appeared at the State Fair Park back in 1952. Big Tex was purc...
Read full storyMeat Loaf Endorses Romney - T-Bone Endorses Obama
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - Singer Meat Loaf was sitting in his backstage dressing room after having just finished performing in The Box of Snowballs Auditorium before a crowd estimated to be around 219 people. The rotund singer had just taken his thir...
Read full storyWorld Ends!!! - Planet Earth destroyed in cosmic blast
New York - In an emergency appearance today before the United Nations, a team of international scientists reported that the world has ended. The stunning announcement came during a special session of the UN Security Council, during which scientists f...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Offers Monica Lewinsky $12 Million To NOT Write Book
BILLINGSGATE POST - It was reported by both The New York Post and The Washington Post that Monica Lewinsky is set to pocket a quick 12 million for her heart warming story about Slick Willy's penchant for sex toys, menage-a-trois, vaginal cigar probes...
Read full storyHollywood's Shortest Couple Is Divorcing
LOS ANGELES - In an astounding announcement a spokesperson for Danny DeVito has stated that he and his wife Rhea Perlman will be heading for the big "D" (divorce). DeVito, 67, who became popular for his role of Louie De Palma on the sit-com Taxi a...
Read full story'Evil' Bert goes after Romney
Bert from Sesame Street has gone to ground after vowing to kill Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Bert was watching the first presidential debate on The Count's TV with several other residents of the street but flew into a rage when Romn...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Blames All Her Troubles On Her Freckles
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay "Lucky" Lohan was sitting by herself in a private booth at the trendy Fountain of Youth Lounge in Venice Beach. One of the waiters said that he overheard her talking on the phone to her ex-girlfriend and one time fianceé Sam...
Read full storyBBC TV Licence Fee To Rise By More Than Inflation
In a major departure from usual government policy, the BBC has been given the green light to raise the annual TV licence fee by 'considerably more than inflation', according to a highly placed government source. It is understood that high level ne...
Read full storyNASA Wanted To Keep The Mars Rover Road Kill Incident A Top Secret
HOUSTON - In an effort to avoid any adverse publicity NASA has sent out an in-house memo that the facts concerning Mars Rover Incident #717, were to be kept extremely confidential. The author of the memorandum, who has since been identified as Bri...
Read full storyStrategic Cannabis Reserve mooted for drought-hit California
Los Angeles - Dwindling bud supplies have virtually dried up in parts of California prompting calls for the creation of a state-wide Strategic Cannabis Reserve modeled on Big Oil's Gulf of Mexico emergency storage facilities. The proposal has the...
Read full storyFees on Phone Bills Pay For $1.5 Billion Bill for Strippers to Contact their Dealers
A program that provides subsidized phone service to low-income strippers has nearly doubled in size in Ohio in the past year - now covering more than a million strippers. But the size of the program in the state - and profits to the increasing nu...
Read full storyMichigan To Begin Issuing Fines To Undecided Voters
LANSING, Michigan - Governor Rick Snyder speaking from his Governor's Mansion, Ethanol Estates, has just issued a governor's directive. The governor has said that he is sick and tired of hearing about all of these so called undecided voters. He...
Read full storyHannity Issues Apology To Romney/Ryan
Fox News' most prominent spinning machine, Sean Hannity, astounded his worshippers last night when he issued a grovelling apology on his daily propaganda juggernaut. The apology? No, it wasn't for his concerted efforts to smear President Obama...
Read full storyObama Drones On in Pakistan
In the face of criticism from the United Nations regarding the ongoing United States drone program in Pakistan, President Obama held a video press conference to reassure the Pakistani people, many of whom are reportedly too terrified to go about thei...
Read full storyHurricane Sandy Causes The Presidential Election To Be Postponed To December 4
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representatives for both President Barack Obama and former Governor Mitt Romney have met and have agreed to postpone the presidential election from November 6, to December 4. Both Obama and Romney agreed to the change which was...
Read full storySwiss Bank Discovers Cause of Global Recession
Industry spectators are heralding the end of the current economic recession due to a startling discovery made in the vaults of the prestigious Union Bank in Switzerland; namely, bonds, stocks, gold bullion and cash currencies to the value of CHF 6 tr...
Read full story"Everything Is A Liberal Conspiracy" Claims Sean Hannity
The most fair and balanced person on Fox News has delivered an astonishing verbal volley towards the mainstream media and liberal pollsters. In his latest rant on his daily conservative propaganda juggernaut, Sean "Fairness Personified" Hannity, r...
Read full storyMajor row at Arsenal AGM over the charging of £13.90 for a portion of fish and chips!
Emirates Stadium, North London: Last night at the Arsenal AGM (25th Oct 2012), there were feisty discussions on whether a trophy less Arsenal, had the right to charge £13.90 for a portion of fish and chips! Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke who was insi...
Read full storyPakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races
KARACHI, Pakistan - Word out of Pakistan is that the Pakistani government has decided to put an end to the very popular traditional Karachi Elephant Races which have been held every weekend since 1968. The mayor of the city known as "The City of E...
Read full storyThe V.P. Debate: Joe Biden and Paul Ryan Tie - Martha Raddatz Wins!
DANVILLE, Kentucky - In one of the liveliest Vice-Presidential Debates in the history of Vice-Presidential Debates there was really no clear cut victor between Vice-President Joe Biden and non-vice-president Paul Ryan. The national political publi...
Read full storyMy life as a man #18
Love/Hate relationships I have mixed feelings about my feathered "friends." On the one hand, I spend over a thousand dollars a year on feeding, housing, and bathing songbirds, hummers, owls, hawks, waders, and, yes, vultures too. I love watching birds throughout the year. Not only has my knowledge grown to the point where I can identify them by breed, but truly, I know some of them, indi...
Read full storyZombies for Romney claims Florida group
OCALA, Florida (ABSNN) - The National Chapter of Zombies USA, or ZUSA, overwhelmingly endorsed Mitt Romney for President today. According to ZUSA officials "our membership voted 6710 to 47 in favor endorsing Mitt Romney over Barack Obama in the upco...
Read full storyCher and Madonna's Amazing Concert Tour
LOS ANGELES - Plans have just been finalized for the much anticipated concert tour featuring famous one name singing icons Cher, 66, and Madonna, 53. Relic Productions in association with Simon Cowell's Black T-Shirt Production Company have just a...
Read full storyTrump to reveal Kennedy Obama link
Donald Trump will today reveal that after years of digging into Barack Obama's birth records he has found out something that will shake the nation to its knees. Obama was born in Hawaii in 1961 but in 1963 when Obama was just two years old he was...
Read full storyMy life as a man #20
Today is the worst day of the rest of my life. Yes, I know, it is supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life-at least according to the aficionados of fortune cookie philosophy. But not for me; I know I hit my romantic peak years ago. It's been all downhill since then. You see, I let the BIG ONE go. She was exceptionally beautiful and unique. I knew her to be my singular chan...
Read full storyJoe Biden Not Surprised By Hospitality Of Sheep In Montana
BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL - Asked by Rachel Maddow if he was surprised by the hospitality of the sheep while he was vacationing in Montana this summer, the Vice-President responded with a sheepish smile: "Hell no. The sum-bitches kicked out two brand...
Read full storyBeeb's 7/7 London bombings documentary blames 'Asian IRA'
London - "It's a feelthy lie, begorrah," Real IRA commander Osama Bin Life-O'Riely said today ahead of the Beeb broadcast at 9pm. "Provisional Al Qaeda bastards is them what done it because of a trick or treaty dare from George W Bush." The do...
Read full storyParanoia that Obama 'will allow homeless people unfettered access to private Manhattan roof gardens'
New York - Lawyers in a probate case before the New York courts have reported fears that the President's 'open door' policy towards vagrants, nomadics and other itinerant undesirables could blight Fifth Avenue's multi-million dollar condominiums.
Read full storyDante's Circles of Hell to Be Augmented - Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) develops initiative for Republican Party platform
Special to TNP - At his daily news conference, Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC), claimed that "a new version of Dante's Inferno is necessary to ensure the long-term health of the country. In fact, I anticipate that...
Read full storyBookies' odds on Jimmy Savile case - place bets now!
Bookmakers throughout Britain have opened a book on the investigation into the Jimmy Savile affair. They are offering odds on the following. (1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no further" blah, blah, blah and it simply disappears as the public are lulled back into televisual narcosis. 3/1 (2) Invest...
Read full story"King Obama" fortold in just discovered cave paintings
ORGAN CAVE WV - An amazing, and controversial, discovery was revealed inside a West Virginia cave this morning. A press pool was allowed to view and photograph a series of ten cave paintings that were discovered recently. Two paintings seem to be p...
Read full storyScientists prepare to defend Earth from an impending meteor
Asteroid LO0R011 was identified early on Monday morning by the NASA Asteroid Detection Agency (NADA). It's orbit has been calculated to have it land somewhere near Beijing with enough force to wipe out all life on earth except for a cockroach living...
Read full storyObama Plan to Extend Mayan Calander - Approval by Drop Dead Date Doubtful
Washington, D.C. - The Obama administration announced today, that the President has submitted a plan to Congress that would require the GPO (Gov. Printing Office), to revise and extend the Mayan calendar for at least one year. With the Congress...
Read full storySparks and Mensa to team up
After reading several pieces on 'The Spoof' where Sparks and Mensa is used to denote middle England's favorite store Ron and Russell Mael better known as the band Sparks and to team up with High IQ club Mensa to promote learning. "Both Ron and I...
Read full storyTwitter bans German Nazis in Germany: Herr Hitler was a huge "twit" too!
Twitter have bowed to the requests of the German government and banned German Nazis from being enormous "Twits" on the German Twitter site. As for the rest of the world they can continue "twitting" their evil messages with impunity. A spokesman fo...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch their denture range
Sparks and Mensa, the high street store for those with more brains than brawn, are launching a new range of mouth wear, Denture Tools. "We're very pleased with our new range," said creator, Dennis Chure. "We think it is a step forward in teeth."...
Read full storyRio Ferdinand Claims John Terry No Longer On His Christmas Card List
The Manchester United and former England defender Rio Ferdinand has told reporters that his ex-England team-mate John Terry is a "despicable cad" and no longer on the black star's Christmas card list. Terry has been at the centre of racist abuse a...
Read full storyHeidi Klum's New Show - "Project: I'm Looking For A New Husband"
SANTA MONICA - The host of the top rated reality show Project Runway, Heidi Klum, has just revealed that she has signed to appear on yet another reality show. The 39-year-old German model who has graced the cover of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit I...
Read full storyAlice Roberts Fans Irate Over Scheduling Fiasco
Fans of thinking man's totty boffin Alice Roberts are furious at what they describe as a scheduling "fiasco" with tonight's prime-time viewing. Prof Roberts's latest programme Prehistoric Autopsy screens at 9pm on BBC2 - clashing directly with pop...
Read full storyMitt Romney Vows That Tax Cuts Will Start With Millionaires
LANCASTER, Ohio - Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into Lancaster, Ohio, the town that was named after Lancaster, Laos. He told a crowd of semi-enthusiastic independents that if he is elected president he will keep...
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