Nevada college course requires girls to masturbate

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012


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Teacher with two A students

FALON NV (ABSNN) - "The teacher said I had to masturbate to pass his class," said WNC sophomore, Imanice Gurl, a 19-year-old who lives with her mother.

"Momma says it's wrong to play with myself. I really don't know how. I guess I learn, though," the student said.

Her mother, Wilma Gurl, doesn't want her "daughter exposed to this filth."

"My daughter has been taught never to touch herself, even when bathing or on the toilet. She signed up for this class and came home crying. She showed me the syllabus; I was shocked! What kind of school allows male teachers to watch young girls touch their nasty's, with their own hands," asked the shocked mother, Mrs. Gurl.

Western Nevada College is a "good school" according to most students and alumni. The class catalog lists the names and prerequisites for each of its 100 courses. It looks much the same as any other small school curriculum. Among the classes is an elective course in Human Sexuality for Women.

Robert Guchionni teaches the course. He doesn't "understand what all of the fuss is about."

"Never had a complaint before. We have diverse women taking the class, including nuns, Las Vegas and Reno hookers, two congresswomen, a western governor-bunches of broads that sign up for it-even Mormon women," he said.

"Some terms we have to turn women away due to space restrictions," Guchionni said.

In a continuing effort to present the news to our readers as accurately as possible, Mark Lowton, Editor and Chief of ordered the entire class description scanned and printed, word for word, here:

"Human Sexuality for Women 101, a Survey of How Women Should Do IT: This course is designed to introduce all of the known methods women should utilize to express themselves sexually and to please men for fun and profit. Students will gain 'hands on experience' in various sexual techniques including, but not limited to, Boring Sex (what your parents did to make you); BDSM; the Kama Sutra; Nipple Torture; Proper use and maintenance of Penis Rings; Whips and Chains: What the Beginner Needs to Know about Crab Lice and STD's; Handcuff Tricks; Beginning and Advanced Water Sports; and 101 Creative Masturbation Techniques.

"All students are required to keep a Daily Journal of their sexual thoughts and activities. These journals are to be turned in on Friday and will be read and graded by staff and returned the following Monday. Students must masturbate four times per day, on video camera, throughout the course. Each Friday every female student will display proficiency in class, before the instructor."

"I may let my daughter go, but I'll be there, right beside her, and I'll do everything she does, just to be certain this is all on the up and up," said the mother.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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