Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Friday, 5 October 2012

image for Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials
"I'll not eat at Gaga's," said an already dead barracuda.

NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - City Health Inspectors rated the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga "at below 'C' level for 42 critical sanitation violations."

The very best rating is "A."

The report was released today and was actually a re-inspection of Joanne Trattoria on Manhattan's trendy West Side. In the first inspection 35 critical sanitary violations were found.

"The restaurant, Joanne Trattoria, is operated by Lady Gaga's parents. It has consistently been dissed by every food critic in New York City," said a New York Post food critic who spoke to on condition that his name, Edward Robertson, would not be published.

Mark Lowton, Editor and Chief of, sent Martin Shuttlecock, the publication's Chief Food Critic to New York City to personally sample the fare at Joanne Trattoria.

Apparently, Shuttlecock "found nothing at all amiss."

"I had the Tripe algae-commode. It was cooked perfectly, not too dry, and just greasy enough. I haven't a clue as to what all the bother is about," he gushed.

"The bother," according to the report, released by the Health Department, is quite extensive. In order to be brief, will list only three of the more glaring sanitation issues:

"Food not protected from potential source of contamination during storage, preparation, transportation, display or service.

"Personal cleanliness inadequate. Outer garment, consisting of mysterious meat miniskirts, is soiled with possible contaminant. Effective pubic hair restraint not worn in an area where food is prepared.

"Urinals at tables were not cleaned and properly sanitized after use."

"Joanne Trattoria is no longer considered a sanitary restaurant. It is hereby designated a Public Vomitorium, Class D," the report concluded.

We will keep you informed of any upgrades.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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