My life as a man #20
Today is the worst day of the rest of my life. Yes, I know, it is supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life-at least according to the aficionados of fortune cookie philosophy. But not for me; I know I hit my romantic peak years ago. It's been all downhill since then. You see, I let the BIG ONE go. She was exceptionally beautiful and unique. I knew her to be my singular chan...
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Madonna To Star In New Reality Show "Madonna's Feuds"
NEW YORK CITY - Word out of the Big Apple or La Manzana Grande as J.Lo calls it, is that Madonna has just signed to appear in her very own reality show. The show will be televised on The Epitome Television Network and is called Madonna's Feuds.
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Paranoia that Obama 'will allow homeless people unfettered access to private Manhattan roof gardens'
New York - Lawyers in a probate case before the New York courts have reported fears that the President's 'open door' policy towards vagrants, nomadics and other itinerant undesirables could blight Fifth Avenue's multi-million dollar condominiums.
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Khloe Kardashian Puts Husband On Backburner For X-Factor
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - NBA star Lamar Odom, 32, must surely be feeling like the little lost leprechaun from Dublin that nobody wanted. Odom has had his ups and downs being traded by the Los Angeles Lakers to the Dallas Mavericks and then sent packing b...
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New FA Centre of Excellence replaces Centre of Mediocrity
The home of English football in the shape of the £100 million centre of excellence has been unveiled, replacing the previous centre of mediocrity model. St Georges Park will provide a base and state of the art facilities like balls, bibs and cones...
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Irish eyes are smiling again; no not at their soccer team, it's those Oil billions!
A bonanza is about to hit the Emerald Isles that will be as huge as the Yukon Gold Rush and the Euro invasion put together(?). Oil, billions of barrels of the stuff is about to be pumped from Barryroe Oilfield into Europe via Great Britain making...
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'We be the Hookers' Zumba studio busted in Maine
KENNEBUNK, MAINE (ABSNN) - "They were doing more than Zumba out of that 'dance studio,' let me tell ya," said Kennebunk Police Chief George H. W. P. Bush. "They was selling nookie," the chief told reporters. Police raided Purda Vida Fitness Cen...
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Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races
KARACHI, Pakistan - Word out of Pakistan is that the Pakistani government has decided to put an end to the very popular traditional Karachi Elephant Races which have been held every weekend since 1968. The mayor of the city known as "The City of E...
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My life as a man #19
Four more years of political Dipshittery In the forty-three years I've been eligible to vote in presidential elections, I've worked as a volunteer in seven presidential campaigns. In that same period I've worked for over two score candidates for local and state elected posts. In the past, I was an enthusiastic member of my party. I paid my dues. I felt my voice mattered and my vote counted.
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Hollywood's Shortest Couple Is Divorcing
LOS ANGELES - In an astounding announcement a spokesperson for Danny DeVito has stated that he and his wife Rhea Perlman will be heading for the big "D" (divorce). DeVito, 67, who became popular for his role of Louie De Palma on the sit-com Taxi a...
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Eva Longoria Is Thinking About Breaking Up With New York Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez
SAN ANTONIO - Eva Longoria was in the Alamo City visiting her mom and dad when she was approached by a reporter for Bedroom Pillow Talk at a local Flat As A Pancake Pancake House. Carolina Chipotle asked Eva, 37, about the rumors swirling around t...
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Dancing With The Stars Sends Drew Lachey and Helio Castroneves Home
HOLLYWOOD - The top brass at Dancing With The Stars are starting to get a bit concerned. It seems that just like the last time that Bristol Palin was a contestant she has consistently received the lowest scores from the judges but she is still man...
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Terrell Owens Wants To Be A New York Jet
NEW YORK CITY - The habitual troublemaker and pathological whiner known as "T.O" (Terrell Owens) says that he wants to be given a third or fourth chance to show that he can still play and compete in the NFL. Owens, who made over $66 million during...
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