Brad Pitt Finally Dumps Angelina Jolie

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 22 October 2012

image for Brad Pitt Finally Dumps Angelina Jolie
Brad says that Angelina goes through 19 lipsticks per week. (Photo by Pax Lax Pitt-Jolie).

NEW YORK CITY - Close friends of Brad Pitt say they have seen the writing on the wall for quite sometime but simply did not want to make waves.

After months of threatening to break up with Angelina Jolie, Brad has finally stepped up to the plate and said, "Enough is enough!"

The couple who had become engaged were really doomed from the start when Jolie stole Brad from America's sweetheart Jennifer Aniston.

Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors talked to the 48-year-old Pitt and he revealed the reasons why he decided to end their engagement.

Brad said that he has never known a more insanely jealous woman than Angelina. He added that there were times in their $26 million French chateau located in Provence, France, that Jolie would go into her panic mode simply because she could not find Brad who was in another part of the humongous mansion.

Miss Vermicelli explained that the real reason for the breakup was due to the fact that Angelina, who is 37, had ignored Brad's request to stop getting collagen in her lips.

He told her that her lips were already gigantic and she was starting to look like Flipper the porpoise.

Brad pointed out to Miss V, that Angelina's lips had gotten so outrageously large that she was going through 19 lipsticks per week.

Angie has said that she firmly believes that having over sized lips is a sign of fertility, intelligence, wealth, culinary mastery, and sobriety.

Brad confided to Miss Vermicelli that one day last week when he went to kiss Angie goodnight, his lips got sucked into her lips and he started coughing and had a hell of a time breathing.

SIDENOTE: Miss Vermicelli asked Brad if he ever thought about possibly getting back together with his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. He smiled, took a drink from his Corona Light, dabbed away a tear, and replied, "Only every day."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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