ATLANTA - Rumors of a looming strike by NASCAR race drivers are starting to spread like a swarm of locusts in Queensland, Australia.
A union representative for the drivers Larkin "Pistons" Waxington, 29, stated that negotiations between NASCAR executives and NASCAR drivers have broken down and appear to be at an impasse.
Waxington stated that circle drivers are demanding several things from NASCAR including better fonts for the lettering on their race cars, racing helmets that look manlier than the ones they now are required to wear, and a bigger cut of the NASCAR Bubble Gum Trading Card industry.
NASCAR spokesperson Percy P. Pitterhorst, 73, stated that due to the economic recession, attendance at some of the NASCAR races has greatly fallen off and as a result concession stands are just not selling as many hot dogs, hamburgers, pizzas, nachos, and Danica Patrick Swimsuit T-shirts as they were two years ago.
Pitterhorst added that the drivers are already being paid more than soccer players in Chile, rugby players in Ireland, and matadors in Mexico.
He stated that NASCAR has sent out emails asking for replacement drivers and within 48 hours they had received over 73,000 applications including 27 from the tiny African country of Lower Zamgola.
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