A Londoner's guide to Yorkshire

Funny story written by John_L

Monday, 15 October 2012

image for A Londoner's guide to Yorkshire

With decentralization many people from London are finding themselves in strange primitive parts. One of the most frightening is Yorkshire.

Yorkshire folk are very tribal and don't take to strangers. They especially dislike people from Lancashire and Wales. Although they can tolerate people from London they are not always friendly.

Yorkshire folk speak in the Genitive tense all of the time. With the exception of some parts of Canada the genitive is no longer used in common English. It can take a short while for a person to adjust but it is very simple.

All Yorkshire men wear caps all of the time. Many of them will only take their cap off when making love to their wives. To blend in buy a cap before you go.

Yorkshire women are not to be approached if one talks to you freeze and act dead. Do not look into their eyes but instead look down at their wrinkled stockings.

All social activity in Yorkshire happens in the pub. Do not order anything other than beer unless you are Irish in which case Guinness is okay. To order wine or gin and tonic in a Yorkshire pub will cause nothing but trouble.

The most important thing to remember is don't stay too long. You might end up never leaving.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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