Super-Healthy Surfer Andy Irons Drops Dead at 32
Forty-seven-time surfing world champion Andy Irons' super-fit, super-healthy body stopped working and achieved room temperature on his way back home from a surfing event in Puerto Rico. The 32-year-old missed a portion of the competition at the od...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Invents New, Non-Coke Addicted Reason For Admission Into Drug Rehab
Circumstances have finally brought a fitting end to all the "Demi Lovato's vagina killed Paul The Psychic Octopus" stories on TheSpoof, and this respite is brought to you by the Multinational corporation that brought you train wrecks Britney Spears (...
Read full storyInternational Talks Down The Plughole
Las Vegas, USA: A summit of southern and northern hemisphere bath manufacturers that was intended to resolve centuries of discord on the subject of plughole design has ended without agreement. Plugholes manufactured in the southern hemisphere are...
Read full storyJoe Jonas Takes Demi Lovato To Rehab To Get Help, Hints At Possible Wedding!
Right in the middle of a tour with the Jonas Brothers, Disney star Demi Lovato has dropped out and is getting help that Joe Jonas says she has needed for some time. Rumor is that she has an eating disorder and has been cutting herself. Of course t...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth Split Again, Liam's Grandfather Doesn't Help
It looks like it's off again for Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, according to several entertainment television shows this morning. "I guess this time it may be it", stated a source that knows the couple well. "Miley got really embarrassed latel...
Read full storySlow Cooking for Folk with Time on Their Hands
With the popularity of Slow Cookers on the increase, local man Seaton Carew has grasped the mantle and brought out a must have for all decent slow cooking kitchens. A Slow Cooker Cook Book Entitled 'Slow Cooking for Those With Time', the book extols the benefits of taking ones time when carrying out the most important tasks of your daily day: cooking. Packed full of mouth watering recipes a...
Read full storySupermarket to sell 'boil in the bag' water
Supermarket giants Tescoburydas are to sell 'boil in the bag' water for the first time, after successful trials of the product. Demand significantly outstripped supply during the three week test period, leading Tescoburydas to steal a march on the...
Read full storyThe "Real" Reason Why Demi Lovato Has Entered A Rehab Clinic
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, California - Famed star and singer Demi Lovato has left the Jonas Brothers Concert Tour and has checked into The Pee Wee Herman Rehab Clinic in Rancho Cucamonga. Lovato was reportedly accompanied to the clinic by her hair stylist...
Read full storyMcNabb's Crapulence Removes Gild From His Lily
Philadelphia Eagles fans have waited for quite some time to be able to say it. Ever since Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie and the Midnight Green braintrust found it in their best interest to trade the most successful quarterback in team history to the Wa...
Read full storyCall Of Duty: Black Ops Delayed
It has been announced today at a press conference in San Fransisco that Call Of Duty: Black Ops has been delayed until June 2011. Angry Internet-mobs have spammed Internet forums with hate messages and abuse. One angry Call Of Duty fan had thi...
Read full storyScientists discover "balloonheaded" dolphins, they're not, they're aliens!
Scientists have discovered the fossil of what seems to be a dolphin with a "balloon head", well they're not actually dolphins, they are aliens! This particular type of "alien dolphin" was let loose by an alien warship 2 million years ago passing b...
Read full storyExplosive: Salford Gas Explosion 'Possibly Al-Qaeda' Say Police
An explosion which caused the destruction of three houses in Salford, Greater Manchester, is being blamed on faulty gas work by a local builder. But Ron Badger, the accused workman, is claiming it was al-Qaeda. "I noticed a new printer in the h...
Read full storyLatest French craze sweeps the country, "Kiddie Kiting" without wings or strings!
In La République Francais many things tend to be slightly different than the rest of the world, c'est la vie, but the latest craze sweeping the country is the craziest ever! It's called "Kiddy Kiting" in French, "aeronautique enfants, terriblé"...
Read full storyMan of God or Man of Sodomy?
Another one bites the, ah, "dust" when it comes to the never-a-lack-of entertainment world of televised evangelical leaders. Following in the auspicious and apology rehearsed footsteps of Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Jesse Jackson, a new Christian...
Read full storyMore Morgan Freeman Voiceover Work Found to be Fake
Following this week's discovery that a GOP political commercial from a Southern swing vote state was not actually narrated by the voice of Morgan Freeman, more cable program and commercials have been found with the same imposter's voice. Emphatica...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Hires Milli Vanilli to Produce Debut CD
Following in the footsteps of all those media stars and starlets who have convinced themselves that they can sing too, Kim Kardashian has announced that she will produce a pop album featuring, of course, the sound styling of Kim Kardashian. With a...
Read full storyLeonardo DiCaprio to Star in Hangover 2
Adding his name to the mix for the second in series of the now legendary "Hangover" movie franchise, Leo DiCaprio will co-star with Jamie Chung the original cast to create another 90 minutes of drunken, blackout-ridden mayhem. Normally not interes...
Read full storySarkozy Cites Smallprint After Glasgow Hiccup
David Cameron is set to face the condemnation of parliament following scrutiny of the smallprint in the "historic" military co-operation deal with France - which decrees Glasgow as an international nuclear-weapons testing facility. He will follow the...
Read full storyJerry Jones Apologizes To The Dallas Fans For The Cowboys (1-6) Record: "Hell If It'll Help I'll Start Dating Jessica Simpson!"
DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones stood before the sports media after the game and stated that he is embarrassed, ashamed, and constipated at the way his team is playing. The Cowboys lost to the Jacksonville Jaguars 35-17 and Jo...
Read full storyHeston Eggcites with daring breakfast menu
Award winning Superchef Heston Blumenthal has revealed his latest spectacular breakfast menu which is set to enthrall foodies the world over. The Willy Wonka figure unveiled his 'Full English Breakfast?' yesterday morning at his 3 Michelin starred re...
Read full storyMan Receives Call From Girlfriend Whilst Son Is In Room!
An Englishman working as a teacher in the Thai capital of Bangkok was almost caught out tonight, when his secret girlfriend telephoned him whilst his son was in his room with him, causing maximum embarrassment! Malcolm Strimple, 37, was chatting t...
Read full storyLouise Minchin May Be Replacing Cheryl Cole On The X-Factor?
LONDON - One of England's top reality shows X-Factor may have a new judge after the end of the current season. Cheryl Cole has confirmed that Simon Cowell has asked her to be one of the judges when he premiers the American version of X-Factor in H...
Read full storyFrench fried!
With the Joint Armed Forces Treaty between France and the UK being signed today it has been revealed that all British tanks will be refurbished to accommodate the French when on operations in War zones. Manufacturers have already said th...
Read full storyExploding Heads Explosion Over Convicts News
Emergency services throughout the UK have been reporting a particularly busy day with exploding heads. Most cases seem to be connected with an item of news featured in the papers and the TV news this morning. "We've had dozens of cases here tod...
Read full storyWaterloo Station Closed as Fed Up Tube Passengers Turn on Staff
London's Premier railway station at Waterloo was closed for 2 hours this lunchtime after around 100 desperate and confused London Underground customers went on the rampage. A poster announcing the strike at the Notwork Fail managed station was pla...
Read full storyA Woops in Chile
An undisclosed source from Radio Free Chile announced today that documents marked "SECRETO" had been located in a mine shaft located seventy miles from the site of the recent "Chile Mine Disaster," in the Blanco Mine. They disclosed that the disas...
Read full storyMan Perplexed Over Sale Of Barry Adamson CD
A former fan of the Manchester punk/new wave band, Magazine, is this morning at the centre of a musical controversy after he wondered quite why he had sold a CD by the band's erstwhile bass guitarist, Barry Adamson, on eBay. Moys Kenwood, a massiv...
Read full storyMan Horrified To Find That Neither Mister Donut Nor Dunkin Donuts Serves Hot Tea
A man masquerading as an English teacher in the Thai capital of Bangkok had the shock of his life at the weekend, when he found that, on visiting the two most popular doughnut outlets in the city, Mister Donut and Dunkin' Donuts, he was unable to sec...
Read full storyMan Shocked To See Woman Wearing Scarf
A Englishman travelling on a Bangkok bus was today reeling from the effects of seeing a local Thai woman travelling to work this morning wearing a scarf around her neck. The woman in question, wearing a lime green blouse and a brown skirt - an ill...
Read full storyPodunk, Wisconsin Man Not Allowed to Vote
Despite best efforts to follow voter registration instructions months before, which were conveniently posted in the entranceway to Rudy's Bar and Eating Emporium, a recent transplant to the small town of Podunk, Wisconsin was turned away at the polls...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson As Satan? Paradise Lost Casting Rumours Rife
Speculation is rife in Hollywood over who will land the plum role of Satan in the planned movie of Milton's epic poem, Paradise Lost. Director Alex Proyas, who has scored hits with Dark City and I, Robot, has signed up with Legendary Pictures to "...
Read full storyMary to join Girls Aloud!
In another X Factor exclusive we can reveal that Irish "diva" Mary Byrne will leave her checkout job at Tesco's to become the new member of Girls Aloud when she leaves the competition. "With Cheryl's busy schedule and Nadine's reluctance to be...
Read full storyKate Middleton's family in shoot-out with Balmoral cops
Scotland - (Rioters): Royal Protection Racket cops were in a tense shoot-out standoff with the desperate royal wannabe's parents last weekend, it has been reported. The incident took place on the anniversary of Kate Middleton's uncle Gary Goldsmit...
Read full storyX-Factor Contestants to pick their own songs?
News is coming out of X-Factor headquarters that The Cowell is to accede to the Diva Demands of the remaining finalists and let them pick their own songs for the next live edition of the show. Instead of forcing the songs on the contestants, Cowel...
Read full story"Top Bum?"
With barnstorming, slavering politically correct, patriotic ferver one of the UK's two Prime Ministers (It's the other one's day off) has declined a US offer to moor a giant aircraft carrier in the Thames Estuary during the soon to be 'blitzed-to-obl...
Read full storyVatican Bank denies links to Lebdev raid
Rome - (God's Banker Update): The Pope's bagman has strenuously denied reports that September's police raids on the First Vatican Moneylaundering Bank of Pyongyang are in any way connected to this morning's drama in Moscow. First Vatican CEO Cardi...
Read full storySatan Spotted Trick or Treating in Murphy, North Carolina
Murphy, North Carolina (IPP)- Many residents in the Town of Murphy, North Carolina reported that Satan appeared at their door steps with a trick or treat bag during the early evening hours of Sunday, October 31st. Merle Gibson was the first one to...
Read full storyStudy Finds Majority of Bedbugs Like a "Sleep Number" of 42
(New York, NY) - Entomologists now say that they have identified the "Sleep Number" most preferred by bedbugs, according to a study backed by mattress manufacturer Select Discomfort. The average number sought by most bedbugs (on a scale from one t...
Read full storyLondon newspapers red-faced as masked Russian cops raid Lebedev bank
Moscow - (Rioters): A belated trick-or-treat raid by armed Moscow police on Alexander Lebedev's First Moscow Gravy Train Bank HQ has rocked his London newspaper empire. Cops in 'Halloween-style masks' were reported to have pounced this morning jus...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Arson suspected in chippy fire
Hopeless Street chip-shop in Ventnor is the centre of a police investigation after a fire broke out there at 10:30pm Monday morning. Regular Isle of Wight News readers, and even some of those with constipation, will recall our recent survey to fin...
Read full storyGovernment to fly UK Population to see Climate Change First Hand
The Government has reinforced its pledge to tackle climate change despite sweeping financial cuts since coming into power last May. Speaking at The University of Bridlington, Nick Clegg said : "That it was time that the people of this country saw the...
Read full storyChapter 27: The Awakening
"What do we do now, do now, do now?" Charpa's voice faded from thought as conciousness dawned. It always rains in Wales. The rain was nothing, if not persistent. Drumming down hard on the white porcelain, each droplet creating it's own micro-storm, within itself. It was unrelenting, never changing tempo, never letting up. The hungry gurgle of a drain, lapping up the pools of water crea...
Read full storyTerry Pratchett joins teaching staff at Trinity College Dublin
Professor Sir Terry Pratchett has joined the staff at Trinity College Dublin as an adjunct Professor in the School of English. Pratchett's first lecture will take place on Thursday 4 November at 7 pm and has been entitled 'The importance of being...
Read full storyThumb rationing
In these austere times it is no surprise that the UN has decided to introduce thumb rationing. Currently there are not enough thumbs to allow everybody in the world to have two. The average number of thumbs per person is around the 1.999 mark, wit...
Read full storySnails Prepare for War!
Unity between France and Britain took a decisive step forward with the two countries deciding to cut costs and share various items of war. But the small print in any agreement can always give headaches. Service men and women in both countries are...
Read full storyFear of Another Hung Parliament
Giving prisoners detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure the right to vote is set to be introduced by the Coalition Government due to verdicts in the European Courts of Justice. The inmate constituency throughout Britain is around 100,000 people and it...
Read full storyUK inmates to be given X Factor vote
Convicted prisoners throughout the UK will get the right to vote on the outcome of this year's X Factor, the government is expected to announce later this week. The European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) raised eye brows when it ruled in favour of...
Read full storyCampello Baby Born With Size 15 feet!
One of Campello's newest residents, 6-week-old Jose-Maria Opena-Canatuna is a remarkable baby. For Jose was born with size 15 feet. Naturally, this caused some problems with his birth. In fact, his mother Ima Veriungri Opena-Canatuna was in labour...
Read full storyShock News - Obama may not be the Messiah after all
When the most Powerful nation in the world elected 'some black dude' to be its head of state, the rest of the world mouthed a collective: "mmmm shiney!" Now, as Barak Obama faces one of the biggest mid-term defeats in US history, supporters are ask...
Read full storyTaylor Swift's "Dear John": About John Taylor
HOLLWOOD - Rumors were circulating that Taylor Swift's song "Dear John", from her studio abum, Speak Now was about John Mayer. But we've got the truth -- it's about the Jonas Brothers' guitarist, John Taylor. When asked when they did have their r...
Read full storyChapter 26: The Welsh Connection
The blue box time machine rocked with avengance as Captain Morse pulled on the nearest blue lever- simply because he happened to like that colour. Charpa, grabbing another machete she'd concealed in more fishnets, approached the door slowly and prepared to open it with a flourish. Until Skoob dashed forward, kicked the door open and hurled up over a patch of blue grass. "So much for elegance...
Read full storyX-Box 360 passes Turing Test
The Turing Test is a way of determining when an artificial intelligence has become sufficiently advanced as to be indistinguishable from a human. AI researchers are now asking for this test to be redesigned after an X-Box 360 passed. "The response...
Read full storyPrisoners to get the vote?
The European Union has stated that it is unconstitutional to remove the ability to vote when somebody goes to prison. Currently Britain is trying to be excepted from this particular edict. The initial objection was that it was too difficult to tra...
Read full storyLisa Marie Presley Has A Weight Gain Meltdown
SHERMAN OAKS, California - Lisa Marie Presley was sitting in a booth at a local Pizza Hut having a large pizza that had been run through the garden. As she took her third bite she angrily remarked to an unidentified lady friend that she cannot und...
Read full storyChapter 25 - The Circles of Hell
SCENE 1: THE FIRST HELL Major-General Jaggedone stood, as ever, at the very perimeter of the parameters of civilisation, or what passed for civilisation in his embattled experience. That is, he stood at the portal of the strange vessel that had borne him, along with his motley band of followers, to this, their latest bourne. It was as if they had been prematurely born, delivered as they were un...
Read full storySarah Palin Lacks Gravitas, Poodle Says
"Sarah Palin lacks gravitas," declares Buster, a six-year-old standard poodle from Penfield, a suburb of Rochester, NY. "Hell, I'm a poodle, and I know that. My brain may only be one twentieth the size of a human's, I may not be no border collie, bu...
Read full storyVikings Coach Takes Anger At Favre Out On Randy Moss, Release Him
Brad Childress hates Brett Favre like Oprah hates low-calorie salad dressing. And penis. Evidence That Randy Moss Is An A--hole. * In a 1997 Sports Illustrated article, regarding the 1970 Marshall plane crash, Randy Moss said, "the plane crash...
Read full storyIran Protests US Sale of Submarines to Afghanistan
New York NY: Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke before the UN General Assembly, voicing his objections to the US sale of conventional (non-nuclear) powered submarines to Afghanistan. The Iranian president indicated he read about the ship...
Read full storyCameron tells Cameron to "Back the F(*)ck Off!
Though sources are not sure who started it, Prime Minister David Cameron and film-maker James Cameron got in a red hot shouting match over the phone -- yelling repeatedly at each other to "Back the f(*)ck off!" A partial transcript is as follows:...
Read full storySame Sh-t, Different Uniform: Donovan McNabb Benched During Loss to Lions
Flashback to the mid-2000s: Eagles QB Donovan McNabb hits the field and promptly plays like absolute sh-t. Head Coach Andy Reid, frustrated, benches his arrogant ass, giving __ insert name of sh-tty backup QB here__ the opportunity to finish up durin...
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