Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Man of God or Man of Sodomy?
"You're going to feel some slight pressure"

Another one bites the, ah, "dust" when it comes to the never-a-lack-of entertainment world of televised evangelical leaders. Following in the auspicious and apology rehearsed footsteps of Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Jesse Jackson, a new Christian leader from Atlanta steps up to deny allegations that he forced four young men to have sex.

The man who calls himself Bishop Eddie Long, is under investigation for multiple incidents of sexual impropriety, as if his income, reported in 2000 to be a bit more than $1 Million per year, wasn't enough of a red flag. "Bishop Eddie is a good man", said devoted parishioner and fixed income retiree, Wanda Gullible. "He only asks for 10% of my income but I give 15%. It's for the good of the church and the community".

Many parishioners feel the same way and defend Long, who was only married long enough to conceive a son. "He's a devoted father to that boy, in fact he's a true leader of young men throughout this church" said another member.

Police investigator Henry Fitzpatrick says, "Well you know what they say. Where there's smoke, there's usually a hookah, chilled tequila and a few condoms tossed in to round out the party". Fitzpatrick paused then followed with, "Well even if they don't say that, there is enough evidence to continue this investigation".

No word yet on the rumor that Long has been practicing his tearful apology sermon behind closed doors in anticipation of the legal loss. "It worked for all those other guys", commented Fitzpatrick. "All you have to do is beg forgiveness in church and the checks start rolling in again".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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