Snails Prepare for War!

Written by j.w.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Snails Prepare for War!
A French Snail Ready for War

Unity between France and Britain took a decisive step forward with the two countries deciding to cut costs and share various items of war.

But the small print in any agreement can always give headaches. Service men and women in both countries are being obliged to learn French or English, which will mean expenditure on the tuition required, thus wiping out the financial rewards of working ensemble.

Each person has to compose a short phrase for the other countries personnel to learn. The French have come up with a notable statement : 'Vive De Gaulle et Napoleon Brandie', whereas the English have 'Put Nelson in your Wellington Boot'. Fights are feared over these two statements.

Another hiccup could come when an enemy appears. One side may want to fire, the other could prefer to sit down and have a cup of tea. One side might want to run away into the arms of their sweetheart the other might want to stand firm until they were totally wiped out.

Language difficulties are bound to emerge. Swearing could cause problems and 'For Frogs Sake Fire!' is being suggested instead of 'For Fucks Sake Fire!'

However, no one wants to set out on this adventure in partnership with pessimism. The finer French cuisine will be greatly welcomed by British service men and women. As one squaddie said: 'I've always wanted to try Snail Soup and now I will get the chance.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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