McNabb's Crapulence Removes Gild From His Lily

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

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Philadelphia Eagles fans have waited for quite some time to be able to say it. Ever since Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie and the Midnight Green braintrust found it in their best interest to trade the most successful quarterback in team history to the Washington Redskins --an NFC East rival-- those who have followed Mcnabb's time in Philadelphia with equal parts hope and frustration can now say to the Washington Redskins:

We f--king told you so.

"You knew that, if Donovan made good on his potential, he could take the team al the way. He just never came through," says an Eagles fan of McNabb's time in Philadelphia. "It's was like when your wife promises you oral treats, and then falls asleep on the couch."

Washington Redskins offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan, author of the book "I'm The Coordinator Because My Daddy's The Head Coach", said the McNabb was told that his continued sh-tty gameplay could lead to him being benched.

"We know he won't take himself out, because his selfishness is Favrian in intensity, his main concern is elevating his stats to earn a performance bonus, and he couldn't give a sh-t less about the success of the team," said Kyle, whose father, head coach Mike Shanahan, said he could use the car tonight, as long as his room is clean. "But Donovan, being the a--hole that he is, he came in and said, 'I will rise to the occasion. I will play.' And he talked us into it. We said, 'Hey, we understand we're gonna let you go. But if we do feel you're struggling in the game [because he sucks] ... we're going to have to go in a different direction.'"

Interestingly, on Sunday going in a 'different direction' seemed to have meant replacing Mcnabb with turnover machine Rex Grossman. Today, however, the Redskins worked out the NFL Draft's 2007 Number One Pick / Super Megabust JaMarcus Russell, who was cut from the practice squad of Keyport Central Elementary School's 7-10 year olds football team last week.

Russell, who's been trying to sneak back into the NFL by wearing Groucho Glasses during workouts, has a better chance of being signed, now that an Alabama grand jury declined to indict him on a felony drug possession charge, and because McNabb has revealed his crapulence to Redskins' leadership.

Russell could be brought in to replace McNabb, at least until he reminds people why we was such a f--king failure 3 years ago.

Regarding knowing whether he was going to be benched, McNabb acknowledged he had a conversation with Mike Shanahan early last week about "the injuries that I have, of being a little banged up, of maybe getting an opportunity to kind of rest up for the long haul, or given an opportunity to let the injuries heal a little more. But I didn't hear the word 'benching' or anything of that effect."

"Well, what the f--k do you think he meant?" asked the interviewer.

"I dunno," replied McNabb. "Umm... getting to sleep in on Sundays, being able to play using one of those Little Rascals the fat women use at Wal*Mart, limiting my practice to playing Madden '11 on Playstation 3?"

Shanahan has stated that whether MCNabb will start next Sunday will be decided at gametime. "Hopefully, the Eagles will want to trade back for McNabb, or we'll be able to sign someone less sucky. Did Kurt Warner retire? Sh-t.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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