Drinking Beer before Dancing with the Stars Is Bad Idea
Madison, Wis--Steve Cowan, a 67 year old landlord and an avid beer drinker, found that drinking too much before Bristol Palin dances on "Dancing with the Stars" is a bad a idea because he used his shotgun on his television to show his disgust over...
Read full storyFriday July 1st 2011 - Diana's 50th birthday - is Wills & Kate wedding date
London - (Portents): The happy couple have picked Friday 1st July to get hitched. It would have been Princess Diana's 50th birthday and is way too good an opportunity to pass over milking. A bit of help from astrology pals has seen Wills and Ka...
Read full storyCatholic Church Looking For Exorcists!
The Catholic Church is advertising for exorcists. If you find that you can cause another person's head to spin 360 degrees and are not a boxer or middle linebacker, please get in touch with the Vatican. A letter from a leading Bishop states that p...
Read full storyKevin Jonas & Danielle's Wild Wedding Night Story Finally Comes Out!
Kevin Jonas has finally willing to talk about his not being especially friendly with his brothers, Joe and Nick, when he and his wife came back from their honeymoon. According to a source, Kevin and bride, Danielle, were expecting some tricks at t...
Read full storyAnti-Matters Captured at CERN
GENEVA, SWITZ. - The LHC, has captured one Anti-Matters particle, a particle that will make certain things irrelevant to everything. The Anti-Matters (AM) was captured by scientists at the LHC in CERN, which will, hopefully, further man's knowledg...
Read full storyFlorida Woman Arrested For Tossing A Plate of Tamales At Her Husband After He Called Her A Bristol Palin Loving Bitch
BRADENTON, Florida - Bradenton police responded to a 911 call at the Hurricane Hank Trailer Park, where Adriana De La Salsa, wife of Roberto "Chuckles" Cilantro reportedly threw a plate of tamales at her husband. Adriana said that they were watchi...
Read full storyLeprechauns Might Save Irish Economy
In the wake of some of the worst economic news to hit Ireland for decades, record numbers of Irish people are laying traps hoping to catch the elusive leprechauns and make them hand over the gold in their possession. Some claim that the stores of gol...
Read full storyBorn To Spoof: Chapter 3: The Bugger Supremacy
Number Four, or Number 4 as she preferred to be known, was a complex woman. Two distinct halves of a personality. In actual fact, if she was to be split down the middle she would be two Number 2's. But as it was, everyone who met her thought she was a complete Number 2, so therefore a Number 4. But that's just getting confusing. Her personalities were split like a pro's legs on pay-day. Half of...
Read full storyPalin Daughters, Willow and Bristol Have Become The Anti-Gay "Twittering Twits"
WASILLA - It appears that the Palin family is trying to take over the electronic media as now Willow, who is 16, has taken to Twitter to defend the Palin's new reality show, Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska. Willow has gotten into it with several fello...
Read full storyTea Party Sued for False Advertising
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Tea Party, a political group, have been sued by US citizens for misleading advertising. "They were the 'Tea' Party, right?" said one who was scammed. "Well, I was expecting tea or coffee and some food." "I joined cause I...
Read full storyFrench Football Code Of Conduct Revealed
Details of the French national teams infamous 'Code Of Conduct' have been revealed for the first time. The code was introduced after the teams appalling display in South Africa at the World Cup this year. After the team fell apart, and discipline...
Read full storyReport: London Actually Disguised Hellhole
HELL-HOLE (Former LONDON) - Londoners were surprised to hear that their city is actually a piece of hell. London, also known as Posertown (to this reporter), Londonium, Capital, Shit-On-Thames, and to the rest of the world, England, was uncovered...
Read full storyWilliam's Chopper Down; Lindsay Lohan to play Pregnant Kate
It ain't over till it's over. Yesterday Prince William and commoner Kate Middleton announced their engagement. Prince William presented Kate Middleton with the ring Prince Charles got engaged to Lady Diana with. Times are tough and Prince William did...
Read full storyMan Cave Paintings Yield Clues to Early Culture
FLINT, Michigan - In the windowless basement of a long-abandoned home, scientists believe they have discovered the oldest known man cave. The cave contains the ruins of a billiard table and tiny wet bar, but this was useless in dating the struct...
Read full storyDavid Cameron promises a Royal Wedding every year to boost the UK economy
Throughout the world, interest has been growing in the recent engagement of Prince William and the quite fit commoner Kate Middleton. Already, investors are expecting the UK to receive a massive boost in income due to the wedding next year. The UK...
Read full storyLeprechauns no longer able to promise pots of gold
The current economic crisis in Ireland has even spread to mythical beings. Ireland's leading leprechaun union, the ULI, have said they can no longer afford to leave pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. Instead, lucky people who reach the elusive r...
Read full storyLady Gaga Turns Down Airport Scanners, Welcomes Search!
A lady in line at New York's Kennedy Airport has stated that Lady Gaga was in front of her in line to go on a flight to London and that the Lady refused to take the scanning. "No way, Jose!" was what she apparently told the security people. Oth...
Read full storySt Austell UK independence group 'caused floods' in island attempt
Bored citizens of St Austell calling for its independence from the UK have admitted accidentally flooding the area by taking advantage of the adverse weather conditions during a botched attempt at turning the town into an island. "Island of Auste...
Read full storyFryanair passengers refuse to leave plane in Belgium, it's far too comfortable they say!
Fryanair passengers diverted from Beauvais (F) to Belgium because of fog refused to leave the plane today because they were enjoying the comfort too much. The flight was full with French passengers having a grand time paying extortionate prices fo...
Read full storybin Laden defeats Woods; Palin defeats Brandy; US defeats Iraq for Iran
Oh what a tangled web we weave. Jesus screamed at the leaders of his day, "Blind Guides!" Yesterday Bristol Palin outdanced Brandy. The stench of political corruption has now invaded the stage. "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women mere...
Read full storyStacey Solomon Was All Set To Punch Gillian McKeith
Skoob Entertainment News is reluctant to cover the latest Ant n Dec fuelled jungle fiasco, but we've kind of been lured back into the fold after the utter fuckwittedness of TV dietician and 'You Are What You Eat' star Gillian McKeith. It seems pre...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson To Star In The Movie, "The Pat Down Dudes Of LAX"
LOS ANGELES - Cripple Creek Pictures in association with Lions Face Films and the G-Spot Motion Picture Company has just announced that they will soon begin production on the Transportation Security Administration themed film The Pat Down Dudes of LA...
Read full storyRoyal wedding omen as ToCatchA-Prince romps in at Fakenham
Norfolk - (Royal Ass Mess): Next year's royal nuptials of a fake prince and a silly little minx were upstaged at Fakenham racecourse yesterday. A 13 year-old gelding - a racewhorse minus its chestnutz - called ToCatchA-Prince romped in at 250-1 in...
Read full storyMonsignor Francois DuBois SJ In Legal Cell Phone Wrangle
Just in: Notorious defrocked priest, Monsignor Francois DuBois SJ - noted for his pedophile bashing activities, his aversion to hairy bikers, and his undying love for single malt has unleashed his fury at his cell phone service provider. "Bastards...
Read full storyJoy: Derek Acorah Give's Diana Blessing For Royal Wedding
Spook detective and International Talker Of Bollocks, Derek Acorah has sensationally channelled Princess Diana from beyond the grave, to seek approval for William and Kate's impending matrimony. The craggy faced Liverpudlian ghost worrier told rep...
Read full storyTSA Pervs Post Scans of Man with World's Smallest Penis on Line! Victim Claims He was Deformed and Sues!
Amid the continuing uproar over unvetted perverts and pedophiles being authorized to run their hands under the shorts of innocent citizens in the US, another outrageous violation was reported when a rogue agent posted pictures on line of the Man with...
Read full storyPink diamond bought for $29 million was purchased by an ex - Brit Tramp/Clochard!
The world's most expensive diamond that was auctioned for a record price at Sotheby's was purchased by an ex-Brit tramp who moved to Paris and became a clochard, then moved to Switzerland and became a billionaire! This is an amazing story of rags...
Read full storyPrince William to marry a Vogon
It's the biggest news hitting this side of the Galaxy. Prince Willz is marrying a Vogon. The plucky British prince attracted Katie Muddletoon, from the planet Vogon, when he read out his poem "I like poems and helicopters" via his MooTube chann...
Read full storyIreland To Fund Royal Wedding
In a week that sees EU financiers attempting to foist a loan on the Irish government in order to save the Euro - a loan that the Irish don't really need, having already told the IMF to "feck off" - Irish Minister for hurling, Seamus O'Whambam has com...
Read full storyWorld's Slutttiest Wedding Dress Designers Booked To Make Kate Topless Gown
London - (Prenup Mess): Their creations have wafted up the aisle on Chelsea Clinton, Barbara Bush, Jade Goody, Cheryl Cole, Katie Price and dozens of other slags. Today Boobski & Trollope, voted the world's sluttiest in the matrimonial couture...
Read full storyAnother Royal Knees-up!
Chancellor George Osborne broke down in tears yesterday upon hearing the news of Wills and Kates upcoming 2011 Royal Wedding. "Geesuss fucking Christ" he was heard to scream, "just when I get the fucking national deficit all but cleared that bise...
Read full storyWillow Palin Homophobic Facebook Rant Proves At Least Three of Sarah's Kids Are Retarded.
The 16-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, the 2008 Republican nominee for Vice-President and guaran-f--king-teed 2012 Tea Party candidate for President, has been diagnosed with a mild form of mental retardation after doctors analyzed her recent homoph...
Read full storyWills and Lindsay to wed
At long, long last, its official. Prince William is to marry Lindsay Lohan, the troubled Hollywood actress. The Prince held a quick press conference and was joined in video conference from LA by his bride to be. Lindsay, looking a little pale a...
Read full storyEmma Watson Receives Lifetime Supply of Coke and M&M's
Following her recent admission of a late night movie party in Daniel Radcliffe's room on set of the new Harry Potter movie, and her love of Coke and M&M candies, both companies have sent Emma Watson a lifetime supply of the products. Though Ra...
Read full storyPrince William And Kate Middleton Nazi Wedding Spectacular
Prince William and girlfriend Kate Middleton have been sent congratulations from all gullible countries around the world after announcing their engagement. On Tuesday, the couple, both 28, revealed they would marry next spring or summer at Nurembu...
Read full storyHamid Karzai Hit With $5.5B IRS Lien on Undeclared US Employment Income!
Afghan President Hamid Karzai, listed in the top 500 of the world's richest charlatans, reacted with predictable anger today, after being hit with a huge IRS lien for not paying taxes on his US generated income! The preliminary claim by the IRS...
Read full storyWorld Leaders Beware; Here Come Gingrich and Palin in 2012
It's no surprise really that when a country is in peril and suffering from the worst economic conditions experienced in more than 60 years, that the public will tend to listen to anyone who promises "Change". Regardless of who was in power then or w...
Read full storySan Francisco Workers Turned Away From Construction Site
A group of San Francisco workers are furious after being turned away from a building site near the city. Leo K. Plebiscite and a group of colleagues were told to leave the site of the new office development at Alameda during their lunch break yest...
Read full storyFour Make It Onto Short List
There was great excitement worldwide yesterday when it was announced that the long-awaited and much-anticipated short list was ready. There has been intense speculation about who would make it onto the list since last August. That was when voting...
Read full storyPrince William The Master Of The Bleeding Obvious
Prince William, the man who this week announced that he will marry his long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton in a full-scale Nazi wedding next spring or summer, has been accused in some Royal circles of being the master of the bleeding obvious in relat...
Read full story"Ace of Cakes" Chef Duff to Design Royal Wedding Cake
Kate Middleton apparently a fan of the American cable television designer cake show, has convinced Prince William to have Charm City Cakes of Maryland design an exclusive royal cake for their upcoming wedding. Having designed cakes for the Hollywo...
Read full storyPrince William Carried Ring In Rucksack For Three Weeks With Dirty Underkegs
It's been claimed by some Royal correspondents, that Prince William carried his mother's engagement ring around in his rucksack for three weeks along with sundry items of soiled underwear before presenting it to his bride-to-be, Kate Middleton. Wi...
Read full storyRoyal Wedding 'not just a distraction' Government denial.
According to some claims being bandied around, the announcement of Prince William and Kate Middletons intended nuptials is just a smokescreen and nothing more than a cynical attempt to bamboozle the public into a 'feel good' mood despite the ever dec...
Read full storyAaaargh! Kate Middleton's Dad a dead ringer for Peter Tobin
Bucklebury - (Ass Mess): Wannabe royal father-in-law Michael Middleton is a dead ringer for convicted serial murderer Peter Tobin. The uncanny facial similarity has stunned New Scotland Yard's mugshots division. Police sources now want to doubl...
Read full storyJames Bond - Cutesy Fears
Wacky robots speaking in accents from the southern USA? Bikini-clad bunny rabbits? Bluebirds packing AK47s? These are among the images studio insiders fear if the latest James Bond movie gets the go-ahead with financial backing from Disney.
Read full storyWilliam gives Kate Middleton a cursed ring
One of the last things Princess Diana gave her eldest son, William, was her sapphire and diamond encrusted engagement ring given to her by Prince Charles. It is worth forty thousand pounds in terms of carats and gold, in terms of its history, it is p...
Read full storyToy store bans toy pigs for fear of upsetting extremists
An early-years toy shop chain has banned toy pigs from its autumn farm yard collection. This follows fears amongst company executives that extremists would be offended by the toys. David Late-Starter, CEO of the chain, said "We have had some probl...
Read full storyI'm A Celebrity - "Poor Gillian" Crocodile Tears
Sources at I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here are predicting huge viewing figures thanks to Gillian McKeith's breakdowns. And programme makers are apparently rubbing their hands with glee as the fragile nutritionist struggles to cope with life in...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Shocker Of The Season: Brandy Norwood Eliminated, Bristol Palin Makes It To The Finals
HOLLYWOOD - In what is definitely the most shocking results show in the entire eleven season history of the Dancing With The Stars, singer Brandy Norwood has been eliminated from the show. Brandy, who at 91 pounds, is the lightest celebrity to eve...
Read full storySimon Cowell Wants Kate Middleton To Replace Cheryl Cole As An X-Factor Judge For The 2011 Season
LONDON - Simon Cowell, CEO of 19th Hole Productions says that he will probably not be renewing Cheryl Cole's contract at the end of the 2010 X-Factor season. Cowell has said that he realizes that Ms. Cole just has too many things going on in her l...
Read full storyNY Professor to Have Camera Implanted in Back of His Head
His plan has shocked a security-conscious nation and gives new meaning to the term headshot. And there are practical considerations as well. The prof's friends report that, although he is determined to go through with the plan, he is running i...
Read full storyVatican Orders Several Hundred Full-Body Scanners for Use in Worldwide Rectories
With the advent (no pun intended) of the new full-body scanning technology being used by worldwide airports, the Pope has asked makers of the devices to set aside several hundred for purchase by the Vatican. Using the excuse that one can never be...
Read full storyAirport Pat-Downs Reportedly Target "Healthy" Women
Early statistics are in from several U.S. airports engaged in selected manual pat downs, and there was a surprising trend in singling out younger women who tend to be relatively "healthy" above the waist. Officials held back on any comment until the...
Read full storyYogi & Boo Boo Bear Narrowly Escape Palin Hunting Expedition
Famous for being a couple of happy go lucky cartoon bears, Yogi and Boo Boo had been wrapping up a short Autumn vacation to the wilds of Alaska to fatten up before Winter hibernation, but almost fell victim to a Sarah Palin helicopter hunting expedit...
Read full storyBristol Palin Makes another Bad Decision
Reportedly texting a homophobic slur while still involved on set with the "Dancing with the Stars" reality show, Bristol Palin can't seem to stop being a liability to her Grizzly, Presidential Hopeful, Hockey Mama. Nobody was really shocked that t...
Read full storyMore Naughty Nude Kate Middleton Photos Surface
"These are at a party", we were told. "That's our Kate hanging naked upside down by her toes from the chandelier! See the birthmark?" Yes we did but who said she had a birth mark? The West Coast Post decided to buy them anyway but we won't publ...
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