St Austell UK independence group 'caused floods' in island attempt

Funny story written by Deafo

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

image for St Austell UK independence group 'caused floods' in island attempt
Demand for gardening could outstrip supply

Bored citizens of St Austell calling for its independence from the UK have admitted accidentally flooding the area by taking advantage of the adverse weather conditions during a botched attempt at turning the town into an island.

"Island of Austell" group (IA) released a statement accepting responsibility for the flooding and claimed this was a first attempt at creating an island.

"The flood was our work. But we never intended to bring it into town. I can assure our members that Ibiza is our yardstick. More failures are planned."

IA members say they acted on a 'tip off' in relation to the severity of the storms, later revealed to be a cloud formation appearing to display the word 'heavy' in dark grey, wind swept lettering.

Campaign leader, Prestyn Bladder said, 'it was a well planned operation and our members acted in unison as soon as we had confirmation that heavy rain was likely we had our members go block every drain on the outskirts of the town.'

The attempt only backfired when a family of OCD suffering campaigners started to fill drains throughout the centre of St Austell.

This brought widespread flooding to residential areas and prevented the island from forming and left IA volunteers to fight for their lives as they battled to make it back to their properties.

A spokesperson for Devon and Cornwall police confirmed the blockages were a key factor in the floods.

'There is no doubt these, in addition to the rain were, and still are integral to the awful situation we find ourselves in.'

Steve Gilbert, the Liberal Democrat MP for St Austell, said, 'this unacceptable behaviour has turned a heavy rain shower into me having to get the train down from my home in Putney to attend. I'm disgusted. They didn't accept Oyster.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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