GENEVA, SWITZ. - The LHC, has captured one Anti-Matters particle, a particle that will make certain things irrelevant to everything.
The Anti-Matters (AM) was captured by scientists at the LHC in CERN, which will, hopefully, further man's knowledge of the universe.
"The AM," said one scientist, "could be applied to certain things that 'matter', like war, and turn them into irrelevant topics. Luckily, nobody touched it with bare hands, otherwise they'd become irrelevant."
To put that in laypeople terms, if we were to insert even one particle of AM into a speech about 'war is good', then we would make that become irrelevant, and essentially, 'war is bad'.
Many of the world's evil genuises (and politicians) are willing to get their hands on the substance, which could change the course of human history.
"We must protect this at all costs," said Ban Ki-Moon at the UN. "We cannot let this fall into the WRONG hands."
The security at the facility has been beefed up, with over 100,000 extra armed troops coming in to protect the AM particle.
The particle will also be locked in a bullet-proof, highly radioactive, missle-proof, and Derren Brown-proof containment unit in an undisclosed location.
However, evil mad scientist genius dudes are willing to do anything to get thier hands on the AM particle.
"I have a death ray," said one, who was dressed in a leather jacket and jeans, oddly. "Today is my day off, that's why I'm wearing this. I also have a trained... ah who am I kidding? If I were to make the Earth irrelevant, then I wouldn't exist."
As of press time, David Cameron, UK Prime Minister, took a detour on his trip to see the CERN facility wearing a radioactive-proof suit...