Monsignor Francois DuBois SJ In Legal Cell Phone Wrangle

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

image for Monsignor Francois DuBois SJ In Legal Cell Phone Wrangle
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Just in: Notorious defrocked priest, Monsignor Francois DuBois SJ - noted for his pedophile bashing activities, his aversion to hairy bikers, and his undying love for single malt has unleashed his fury at his cell phone service provider.

"Bastards!" he told Skoob News.

DuBois, of West 'By God' Virginia, who earned his bones as a coalminer's union champion back in the 1970s, when he was accused of kicking hippy ass, is apparently pissed with his cell phone provider because his battery keeps going flat half way through calls to his lifelong buddy Bert.

And DuBois categorically states that he isn't taking it any more.

"I ain't takin' it no more!" he told us. "Those bastids is only too happy to take my subscription dollars, but the cell they gimme is a crock of shit. The fuggin' thing seems to work just fine and dandy when I'm takin' calls from biatches who think they're in luuurve with me, or when that ass hole from England with the real cockamamie accent calls me, but when I call my buddy Bert about the times we spit roasted Lou Ellen DeLaMaison de Chat and her sister in the big barn, the fuggin thing dies on me. I ain't takin' it no more. God damn them bastards all to hell and back on a fuckin' shovel!"

At which point, fearing for his own safety, our reporter made a tactical retreat, asking DuBois if he had one final message for his cell phone service provider. DuBois answered in the affirmative, saying:


DuBois is currently said to be planning rehearsals with best buddy Bert for an off Broadway production of 'Seven Brides For Two Horny Brothers. And Then Some!'

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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