The Catholic Church is advertising for exorcists. If you find that you can cause another person's head to spin 360 degrees and are not a boxer or middle linebacker, please get in touch with the Vatican.
A letter from a leading Bishop states that people on drugs have left their minds open to all types of spiritual varmints and toadsuckers.
"We need a solid team of exorcists to deal with Mel Gibson alone" as the Bishop said to the Russian sexpot.
There will be a conference with extra training and to pass, you must at least get Charles Manson to say "pretty boy" and not the foul stuff that usually comes forth from his mouth.
The conference to teach priests this esoteric rite was prompted by a strong demand for exorcisms.
"A whole generation have gotten into those Ouija Boards and can't get away from them", as the Bishop said to the games people.
Also, it seems that many cars and homes are being possessed and repossessed over the past five years, more than the previous 25 years put together.
"And somebody deal with Haiti!!" as the Bishop, with 57 pins stuck in his ass, said to the Voodoo Queen.