Gordon Brown to be replaced by Phil Brown
Current UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown has named his successor as his cousin, the former Hull manager, Phil Brown. Whilst the news comes as a large shock to virtually everyone in the UK, it is apparently little surprise to Phil Brown who later des...
Read full storyPope's Portugal trip 'to look for Maddie'
Algarve - (Praia Da Iluzion): The four day stay will see Pope Benedick re-enact the tumultuous welcome the McCanns received at St Peter's in Rome in 2007. Prayers at the Our Lady of Fatima shrine will continue to beseech for church secrecy in all...
Read full storyNick Clegg makes surprise demands
A senior political insider has revealed tonight that Nick Clegg has shocked both the Labour and Conservative parties by making some strange demands. The Insider claims that even before Nick Clegg agreed to meet David Cameron at Tory HQ, on Frida...
Read full storyFrank Frazetta, Master Artist, Dead At 92
Schoolboys of all ages in the U.S. and Britain might want to take a pause for one minute today as it was announced that the great paperback artist Frank Frazetta has died. Can you believe he was 92? Many of us are old enough to remember his work i...
Read full storyAdam Boulton you just got owned
Alistair Campbell has wiped the floor with the unelected Sky News expert on bullying and badgering. Coming so soon after his partner in slime, Kay Burley was heckled live on air, it's been a bad few days for Sky News presenters. The campbell v bou...
Read full storyBrown Announces Ability to Talk and End of His Tenure as Prime Vegetable; coalition talks 'pitch woo' with North Korea's Kim Jong-il
Gordon Brown has said he is stepping down as Labour Party leader and Prime Vegetable - as his party opens formal talks with the North Korea Party about forming a government. Mr Brown, prime vegetable since 2007, said he hoped a successor as leader...
Read full storyGordon Brown To Join Conservative Party
Gordon Brown plans to join the Conservative Party in a bid to cling to power following his party's failure at the General Election. He is currently in talks with David Cameron and the two are said to be getting along well. Conor Burns, Conservativ...
Read full storyObama picks Kagan to replace resigned Brown as PM, assures UK citizens "labour-free government will continue" and no hard feelings about 1812, either
After a month long search, President Barack Obama has chosen Elena Kagan, his solicitor general and a former dean of Harvard Law School, to succeed the retiring PM Gordon Brown. News that the retiring PM would be replaced via selection of a stand...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's Teeth Bucked Again
Although she's a beautiful lady, Angelina Jolies's teeth get bucked every six months or so and she has had six surgeries to have this corrected. Jolie admitted that it started while she was married to Billy Bobbing Thorton. "It was OK until t...
Read full storyThe Real Reason That Jessica and Ashlee Simpson's TV Sit-Com Got Cancelled
HOLLYWOOD - After only being on the air for two months the Fixx Network has cancelled the Simpson's show, no not the cartoon Simpsons, the Simpson's with the chumbawumbas. The sit-com titled Pops And The Lip Syncers, starred Jessica Simpson, siste...
Read full storyCelebrity Apprentice: Donald Trump Tells Cyndi "Time After Time" Lauper It's Time - "You're Fired!"
MANHATTAN - In the latest edition of Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice" 80s rock icon Cyndi Lauper finally has her fill of being treated like a three year old and she calls Holly Robinson Peete a no good, prima diva, back-stabbing BB (black bitch)...
Read full storyBristol Palin Seen Clubbing in New York
Bristol Palin evidently got off to a late start celebrating the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy last Wednesday when she was spotted at a downtown New York 21-and-over night club partying at 1 a.m. with friends, sans drinks I'm told. Witness...
Read full storyDerek Hough Breaks Up With Leighton Meester Says He Misses Cheryl Cole
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Dancing With The Stars dancer Derek Hough has told his downstairs maid, Markayla Madison, 32½, that he has broken up with electro pop diva - actress girlfriend Leighton Meester. Markayla who has been Hough's maid at his Hollywood...
Read full storyGordon Brown to quit before he is "Hung"
The UK will breathe a massive sigh of relief at the news that the Rt. Hon. G.Brown is about to quit as Prime Minister and leader of the Labour Party. Street parties are being set up and thousands of loyal Labour supporters are requesting that the...
Read full storySimon Cowell Sues Six TV Networks Over Marriage
Simon Cowell, famous as the critical judge on American Idol and The X Factor, is reportedly suing six different TV news networks over his problems with his fiance, Mezhgan Hussainy, according to a report this morning on "Stars, Scars & Cigars", t...
Read full storyBrown Resigns! - Blames Clegg And Cameron
Gordon Brown has just resigned. We're not sure if he's the PM, the acting PM, the ex-PM or what he is any more, but I can confirm, he has resigned. In an emotional speech delivered outside McDonald's in Victoria, Brown clearly blamed parliamentary...
Read full storyRent Boy Hoax
Just when you thought it couldn't get more bizarre, reports are surfacing that the Rekers/Rentboy scandal is a hoax! Evidently, the two have been friends for a long time, and, although there has been a "relationship" between the two, Lucien RentB...
Read full storyNeanderthals Sailed the Atlantic
Neanderthal News Network, Louisburg, Nova Scotia. Leif Erickson's buddies, and other Viking types, were in the new world long before Columbus. Now Archeologists have unearthed startling evidence that Neanderthals sailed the Atlantic thirty thousa...
Read full storyFan Mistakes Kate Gosselin for Kathie Lee Gifford, Kate Livid
New York, NY - A Kathie Lee Gifford fan got quite a rude awakening this past weekend when she received a verbal dressing down from Kate Gosselin in what bystanders called an honest mistake. Said Soozie Swipper, "I had just gotten out of my book c...
Read full storyWikipedia to be renamed "WANKAPAEDO-IA"
Wikipedia has been accused of being a secret "cess-pit" for kiddies-porno lovers and other related sites are now enjoying the publicity. In fact the images of kiddies in "naughty" poses on Wikipedia is so popular that they have decided to re-launc...
Read full storyNew MTV Reality Show Based on Breast Size Findings
CHICAGO, IL -- A recent study by the University of Chicago discovered that women with a breast size of D cup or greater score on average ten IQ points higher than those with an A or B cup. "One theory is that the female hormone estrogen, which is...
Read full storyMan Sues Over Ice Cream That Was Too Cold
PHOENIX, AZ -- Ben and Jerry are being sued over ice cream that was claimed to be too cold. According to the complaint, filed in Maricopa County Court, Emilio Estanza-Gomez was enjoying an ice cream cone while driving his newly purchased automobile.
Read full storyRavens Flee Tower Of London
Great consternation today in Olde London as rumours abound that the legendary ravens of The Tower Of London have all fled - an event said to signal the fall of the British monarchy. The ravens are reported to have fled en-masse despite their wings...
Read full storyPeter Pan of Pop was once MI5 agent
Recently declassified papers have revealed one or two surprises, the greatest of which is surely that Peter Pan of pop, Sir Cliff Richard, was secretly recruited by MI5 in the sixties as a frontline agent in the war against Soviet Russia. Squeaky...
Read full storyGulf oil spill reaches Princess Diana Fountain
London - (Crude Mess): Globules of the dark slime began appearing this morning as ex-BP CEO Lord Browne prayed fervently beside the Diana shrine. The bastard son of Princess Margaret and Ronald Reagan left the UK supermajor three years ago followi...
Read full storyCompany Cited Over Doctored Mushroom Soup
SACRAMENTO, CA - A new strain of hyper virulent, deadly Cryptococcus gattii fungus has been discovered in the United States a new study says. The outbreak has already killed six people in Oregon and it will likely creep into northern California a...
Read full storyBlanket May Be Responsible for Couples Death
DENVER, CO. -- Denver Fire Chief, Jim Sestrich, blames a local couples' death on their new anti-flatulent blanket manufactured by the Better Relations Blanket Company. The blanket, made with activated charcoal fabric similar to that used in milit...
Read full storyNick Clegg bookies favourite for PM
With it looking likely that a coalition between Liberal and Conservative parties to resolve the hung parliament, the only thing left to do is to choose which of the two leaders of the two parties, David Cameron and Nick Clegg will be the new Prime Mi...
Read full storyNick Clegg Admits "I'm Sleeping With Cameron and Brown"
Nick Clegg has admitted to being sexually promiscuous and that he "swings both ways" following revelations that he has been sleeping with both Gordon Brown and David Cameron. "Yes, it's true. I have a very high libido. It's much higher than my sha...
Read full storyAs the World Spins: The Boyle Family Saga, Episode 1: The Boyle Family Implodes or O Brothers, Shut the F*** Up
The producers of the soap opera "As the World Spins: The Boyle Family Saga" announced today that filming of Episode One is to begin shortly. "Episode One, which will be called 'The Boyle Family Implodes or O Brothers, Shut the F*** Up,' will focus...
Read full storySusan Boyle's Purple Team have unlikely supporters
Supporters of Susan Boyle, that is fans, not fanatics have gained an unlikely foothold into the real politics of the UK. Disenchantment with the Con Lib Dem coalition has spawned a purple alliance who are set to protest and demonstrate against Cle...
Read full storyBrown Appeals for Backing by Granting First Sit Down with Journalist Earl Grey. Historic Interview Declared 'unfortunate' by BBC!
In a last ditch effort to rally support and sympathy, current Prime Minster Gordon Brown granted a far reaching in depth interview to Pulitzer Prize finalist Earl Grey in order to 'clear the air.' It didn't go well. Grey, just back from a series...
Read full storyBloomberg Deploys Porta-Mosques In NYC
NEW YORK, NY - Mayor Bloomberg has agreed to a creative solution to deter terrorists threats through the installation of a number of portable mini-mosques positioned at strategic locations throughout the city. The structures, to be built in the s...
Read full storyEmergency Oil Spill Clean Up to Include Beach Paving
ON THE GULF OF MEXICO - The Obama administration has released emergency plans this weekend to use the copious tar balls that are just now washing ashore, from the leak of the recent sinking of the gulf oil platform, as a paving medium. In a move...
Read full storyLaugh Your Way to Fitness
ANAHEIM, CA - Recent research shows that laughter can produce the same health benefits as physical exercise. That euphoric finding was presented at the 2010 Experimental Biology conference in Anaheim. The study by Loma Linda University, determine...
Read full storyDiana Vickers Shits Her Knickers Again
Former X Factor finalist Diana Vickers is in the news again after defecating in her underwear after she was told that she had gone straight to the top of the UK album charts with her debut release. Songs From The Tainted Cherry Tree features the s...
Read full storySusan Boyle meets Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones from Cargo Fleet at an Icelands Shop in Middlesbrough
Susan Boyle is doing her best to help out the Iceland Franchises. Yesterday she visited a branch of Iceland in Middlesbrough. The shop happened to be the branch where Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Brown do their main shopping. Iceland shops were...
Read full storyPeBo sues SuBo!
In an astonishing twist of events, Susan Boyle's cat Pebbles (PeBo as fanatics insist) last night announced that she is suing SuBo for hurt feelings. "I was out and about in Blackburn killing some innocent wildlife, when some geezer in a suit came...
Read full storyBA Strike Latest: Nick Farage Hired To Fly Planes
British Airways boss Willie Walsh has announced his latest plans for beating industrial action. He has hired UKIP leader Nicholas Farage to pilot the companies planes. This strike busting move will clearly upset union bosses, but Walsh was unrepentan...
Read full storyTiger Woods Takes His Putter and Withdraws From The Player's Championship At Ponte Vedra, Florida
JACKSONVILLE, Florida - Tiger Woods, the man who single-handedly is going to make about a dozen or so white blonde bimbos millionaires, has withdrawn from playing in The Players Championship at the Sawgrass Country Club in Ponte Vedra, Florida. Th...
Read full storySan Antonio Spurs Get Swept By The Phoenix Suns - Coach Greg Popovich Plans To Quit To Become a Stand Up Comedian
SAN ANTONIO - San Antonio Spurs Coach Greg Popovich had said at the beginning of the NBA season that his San Antonio Spurs had so much talent that if they did not win the whole enchilada (championship), he would quit as coach. The Suns swept the S...
Read full storyKorean President Visits White House: Dog Mysteriously Disappears
South Korean President Lee Myung-bak, a recent visitor to the White House, has been the center of rumors involving the disappearance of Bo Diddley, the Portuguese water dog that President Obama gave to his daughters, fulfilling a promise to them of h...
Read full storySarah Palin Promises No More Promises
Sarah Palin threw her hat in the ring today, confirming she will be running for the Whitehouse in 2012 by launching her election platform, "No More Promises." The self-styled "Rouge" politician says she is breaking away from old school Washington...
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