In a last ditch effort to rally support and sympathy, current Prime Minster Gordon Brown granted a far reaching in depth interview to Pulitzer Prize finalist Earl Grey in order to 'clear the air.' It didn't go well.
Grey, just back from a series of startling interviews with Raul Castro, Hugo Chavez and Vladimir Putin, continued his amazing ability to penetrate layers of bureaucracy in order to get never before granted interviews with dictators, benevolent or otherwise!
Brown chose NOT to have the interview from the seat of his Labour Government in London, but instead picked a cold, windy and drafty run down castle somewhere in the wilderness outside of Glasgow, a site more fitting to holding, torturing and finally beheading dissidents.
According to Earl the entrance to the castle drawbridge was guarded by a host of armed members of the local unions representing dust bin collectors, postal workers, and tube conductors.
He was ushered inside after undergoing a full body scan conducted by a bevy of British Airway cabin stewardesses, and one steward who Earl felt lingered a bit too long over the viewing screen.
Escorted into the great hall, Mr. Brown was seated in a 14th century great chair and rested his feet on a fur draped footstool, whilst sipping a massive brew in a silver chalice.
On both sides of the chair, a massive mastiff lay supine, only growling and fanging when they caught sight of Earl. They were quickly silenced and sent groveling out of the hall with their tail between their legs when Gordon snarled and growled at them and shed some spittle about his trousers and on the polished stone floor.
The PM let it be known that he wasn't happy giving the interview, but he was forced to try something, anything, if he had a chance to remain in power, and set the tone immediately.
According to Earl he was quite defensive never the less saying, "I hope you're not here to bash the Scots...there's been a lot of that lately! Have you read my op ed on that in The Guardian?"
"Well Sir," said Earl, "I did truly try to make heads or tails of it. Certainly, there must have been SOME intelligent points innit...but I really did have difficulty making sense of it...but it surely was thought provoking!"
The interview was not off on the right foot, and Earl said he followed up with a question nearly every broke Brit wanted to know, " Mr. Prime Minister, why did you sell off the gold reserves for peanuts, who were you dealing with, and how much was your cut of the scheme?"
Earl said felt he was safe asking the question, as he was accompanied by a camera man who was recording the interview, and he knew Gordon desperately needed to come across as 'a man in charge.'
Brown, barely containing his anger, blew the question off saying only it was 'a matter of national security' with major implications for the financial well being of the English Pound, which it was his continued duty to protect.
Checking the currency counter on his I-phone Earl noted the pound had dropped yet again, and was in a race to reach parity with the Euro which had recently taken a dive after slipping on Greece.
The interview rambled, with Gordon trying to express his feelings about never having been elected to the PM post, and now having lost his ONLY election by over 12% with back room intrigue going on amongst his own party to bounce him.
He seemed particularly vexed with the thought that the Conjoined Miliband twins, David and Ed, were gathering support to take over based on the family heritage of their father being a leading Marxist and favoured by Putin, Chavez and Castro, who have promised to bail out the faltering pound.
As more and more questions were posed, and with no answers forthcoming, Earl said he figured he had gotten just about all he could get from the disheveled and rapidly unravelling PM. Just as he was about to call a 'wrap' on the interview there was a commotion at the entrance to the great hall, and an imposing man was granted access waving a parchment writ bearing a wax seal.
"Who are you, and why are you intruding here?" Brown roared, spreading yet more spittle, and waving his arms wildly.
The new comer, attired in natty battle dress and carrying a side arm, said simply, "Mr. Prime Minister, my name is Luther and I have an order here to come collect you and escort you to your new home in the US. It seems you have been granted amnesty for past crimes of ignorance, omission, stupidity, hubris and megalomania, but you must be exiled for the good of the Realm!"
As Brown began to protest, his former aides managed to restrain him and get him suited up in the strait jacket, inject a calming fluid, and then place a rugby shirt over the jacket to preserve the last remaining shred of decency the PM had.
"You'll be part of new team now Prime Minister," said Luther pointing to the jersey, "You'll love it...lot's of folks and you'll have a much in common!"
"Right then, Let's be off . Chaps, if you could wheel the PM out, there's a car waiting and we're off to the air field for a hop across the pond!"
The last sight Earl saw was the huddled PM, finally shaken and realizing it was the end, looking down at his Jersey and asking plaintively, "Mooreview Institute....where is that exactly... will I be in the starting lineup?"
No one had the heart to tell him that 68% of the UK was holding up a 'Red Card' and he had been banned from the Pitch!