Neanderthals Sailed the Atlantic

Funny story written by C. Cranium

Monday, 10 May 2010

image for Neanderthals Sailed the Atlantic
Neanderthal found in Nova Scotia.

Neanderthal News Network, Louisburg, Nova Scotia. Leif Erickson's buddies, and other Viking types, were in the new world long before Columbus. Now Archeologists have unearthed startling evidence that Neanderthals sailed the Atlantic thirty thousand years before the Vikings.

The phenomenal news is the result of a multi-year excavation sponsored by Simon Fraser University, SFU, who doesn't even have a formal Archeology program but was left twenty million dollars to fund Archeological field studies way across Canada in the Maritime Provinces.

SFU established a favorable dig site in 2008 based on nearby on-going activity and the proximity to pubs and other conveniences. Dozens of energetic college students accelerated the timeline even while following archeological guidelines. Nothing of significance was found until late in the first season when a number of broken spear points and crude stone tools were unearthed along with the remains of a very old outhouse that was located in the middle of the surveyed site.

The second season in 2009 was a tedious archeological dig process also moved fast fueled by college age sexual energy, competitive excitement about finding something meaningful, and a healthy dose of trips to the pub for planning purposes. After a few weeks large partially fossilized timbers were unearthed that were ingeniously wedged together with smaller logs. The immediate theory was that it was a man made barge that had settled in a shallow bay. Carbon dating results were between thirty and thirty four thousand years before the present. Dr. Archie McDonovan, consulting Archeologist from the University of Chicago, said that, "I'm perplexed, the construction of the barge could have only been done by ay an intelligent being like man. But the age of the site is twenty thousand years before man arrived in the new world".

The 2010 season started in early May. The question of the age of the barge ramped up the young diggers energy and for days a 24/7 effort exposed the entire raft. And after a few days parts off underside of the barge were exposed and crushed human bones were discovered. It appeared that the raft had pinned someone underneath when the waterlogged craft sunk. The test results of the crushed femur and partial jawbone proved to be the most startling, as the bones were not Homo sapiens but rather Homo neanderthalus.

Heavy hitters of the Archeological world have been dispatched to Louisburg and updates on the extraordinary find will be reported in the next weeks.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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