Apple iPad Debutante Ball is April 3, Kindle Says BIG WHOOP
The April 3 launch of the tablet computer, the Apple iPad, will be celebrated at a Debutante Ball at which the iPads will be formally introduced to society. The "Coming Out" Ball will be held at the Cupertino, CA, headquarters of Apple, Inc. App...
Read full storyBritney Spears Lost Lyrics Found Stuffed Down Back Of Old Couch
Music publishers across America were involved in a ferocious bidding war yesterday over a notepad containing song lyrics and poems supposedly written by Britney Spears when she was nine years old. The Jimmy Mook Publishing Corp eventually lodged a...
Read full storyChinese Refer to Americans as Their "Dollar Store Bitches"
In a newly released book by Chinese-American Author, Pe Yuan Yu-Smith, titled "You Buy More Yankee, OK?" Americans are finally being made privy to some of the lesser known facts about the tenuous economic relationship between China and the United Sta...
Read full storyLabour hit back at Tory anti Gordon Brown poster pranks
The Labour Party has acted quickly to counter the new Scratchy and Scratchy anti Brown campaign. Tory posters are being vandalised by Mandy's shock troops replacing Tory posters with Labour insults. "Cameron can't read, does all his speeches of...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse, Kirstie Alley To Play Cartoons On New Reality Show
For the first time ever, a Reality Cartoon Show will be on Fox this fall starring two of our country's favorite cartoon characters. Amy Winehouse will play "Singer Girl" who goes on a show to try to win a singing contest while her best friend, pla...
Read full storyScottish local authority invokes emergency planning regulation to divert nosy Susan Boyle fans away from her new house
West Lothian Council has taken steps to ensure that Susan Boyle fanatics cannot find her new house. A spokesman for the council said, "We are disappointed that several fansites saw fit to publish the location of the house. We realise that the news...
Read full storyTiger Woods Master's Appearance A Slap In The Face Of Women!
Dr. Bertha Crawford, Chair of the American Council Of Women's Organization (ACWO) says that Tiger Woods choice of going back on tour at the Master's Tournament in Atlanta, that doesn't allow women to play there, is a slap in the face of women everywh...
Read full storySarah Palin Shoots Dick Cheney During Home Depot Charity Wild Bore Hunt
In an action pundits claim was a reenactment of the Bush era glory days former governor and vice presidential hopeful Sarah Palin shot Dick Cheney with a 22caliber nailgun. Mr. Cheney had been dressed in a moose costume and fitted with a John McC...
Read full storyEnormous Butt-Plug Found Near Sir Elton John's Hertfordshire Mansion
Police are investigating the discovery of an enormous butt-plug a mere nine miles away from Sir Elton John's Hertfordshire mansion. The butt-plug, said to be a foot long was discovered by two young lads lying in a hedgerow. Police attention was dr...
Read full storyNessynappers face life behind bars
It's feared that the Nessynappers, at present free on bail, will be facing a life behind bars. This fact is enivitable say both their defense and prosectution. If they are indeed, found guilty of Nessynapping, they will each receive a sentence of...
Read full storyOldies Urged to Choose Suicide-By-Teenager
Old people who constantly complain that violent gangs of teenagers vandalize towns and stab each other should confront more teenagers and be prepared to be killed, a report said today. The report said that old people who cost the NHS £140 billion...
Read full storyBrown Windsor Admits "I'll Miss My Soap Role"
Brown Windsor is preparing to say goodbye from the hit UK soap "Downing Street" He is expected to be written out of the show by the writing team before the end of spring. Windsor has played the part of Gordon, the landlord of the Queen Vic. During...
Read full storyLiverpool Kop Stages Post Match Sit-In Protest
Immediately following Liverpool's 3-0 win over Sunderland yesterday a vociferous group of Kopites staged a flag waving sit down protest against the club's American owners Tom Hicks and George Gillet. The sit-in protest went down a storm with Sky T...
Read full storyVilla Get The Blues As United Turn The Screws
Chelsea took great satisfaction on Saturday from inflicting a severe case of the Blues on a tired looking Villa team, who they battered 7-1 at Stamford Bridge, which included a four goal salvo from Frank Lampard, who still won't tell anybody whether...
Read full storyBin Laden Captured! Bail Set at $500,000, Then Rescinded
Known terrorist and 911 architect Osama bin Laden was captured today, at a deli in Boston, while ordering kibbeh and shawarma takeout. An on site strip search, much to the horror of the patrons, revealed a plastic box cutter cleverly concealed in...
Read full storyLocal Man Admits He's Never Seen His Own Head
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today revealed to long-suffering wife Anne that he had never actually seen his own head. The revelation came about as the culmination of a strange series of head and hair related coincidences. Early in the day, Shu...
Read full storyPresent U.S Health System Makes Geezer Granola Out Of Elderly
Intrepid FOX News reporters have uncovered a heinous left wing plot to do in Americas older generation. While many were decrying the hard rights scary chatter that the left was going to let older citizens die out, it turns out that the truth is even...
Read full story'Psycho' 50th Anniversary Celebrated By Psychos The World Over
Psychos the world over today put their stabbing, slashing, and head-drilling on hold this weekend to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the release of Alfred Hitchcock's classic 1960 shocker, which starred Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh - the mother...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Wants Viewers' Blood in Protest of Health Reform
Taking a cue from the Red Shirt movement in Thailand where approximately 50,000 protesters siphoned their own blood to throw on members of Congress, Glenn Beck is considering asking his viewers to have their blood drawn and sent to his show in vials...
Read full storyNew Vatican Edict: No Child Left Behind
Just when you thought that the Catholic Church couldn't possibly do anything more to make a horrible situation worse, news agencies are reporting a new Vatican edict: No Child Left Behind. Apparently, according to sources inside the Vatican, it i...
Read full storyPremier League To Re-Introduce Short Shorts
Football chiefs this morning agreed to join in the drive for greater brevity in all things by re-introducing short shorts of the type worn in the 1980's by soccer stars like Glenn Hoddle and Bryan Robson. One leading Premiership manager said that...
Read full storyVern Troyer Reckons Short Is Good
Vern Troyer - Mini-Me out of 'Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me' - today added his inconsiderable weight to the burgeoning Hollywood argument that brevity is good, and that less can mean more, depending on how you look at it. Troyer claimed t...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Rejects Brevity Theory
Miley Cyrus, the singer/actress who quit being Hannah Montana recently and can't stop talking about it has come out against the recent Hollywood shift in standards towards greater brevity. Miley claimed that there is no place for brevity in either...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Believe That Less Can Be More
Apropos of absolutely nothing, our reporter in Hollywood today told us that Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are all set to toe the Steven Spielberg line of brevity being all and less being more. Pattinson and Stewart agreed in...
Read full storySteven Spielberg Claims Brevity Is The New Buzzword
A leaked memo from the offices of Hollywood movie supremo Steven Spielberg appears to hint that epic movies are no longer in vogue, and that brevity will soon become a new Hollywood buzzword. The memo claims that diminishing attention spans mean t...
Read full storyBurnley Beaten By Blackburn Rovers - Fans Upbeat As Relegation Looms
Blackburn Rovers, affectionately known by fans of bitter local rivals Burnley, as "T' Bastards" emerged victorious in a fiercely contested North East Lancashire derby by a single goal at Turf Moor. Condemning the Clarets to almost certain relegati...
Read full storyUAE sovereign embezzlement fund CEO 'vanishes with the loot'
Abu Dhabi - (Smoke 'N' Mirrors): Sources close to to Brunei slippery bastard Prince Jefri Archer have strenuously denied his former UAE business partner has done a runner. But over $100 billion of the Abu Dhabi Embezzlement Authority's $400 billio...
Read full storyLautner, Kristen Wins 'Cutest Couple' In Kids Choice Awards! Pattinson Unhappy!
Last night, "Twilight" star Taylor Lautner stole the show by picking up two of the blimp-shaped trophies at the 23rd annual Nickelodeon spectacle inside UCLA's Pauley Pavilion. Lautner pu the bite on the favorite actor honor for his "New Moon" ro...
Read full storyEmma Watson Just Not Sordid Enough
Satirists from all over the country met up this morning for a crisis meeting to try to ascertain which celebrity they would be aiming their sharpened quills at next. The meeting came as internet stats showed that the current staples of satirical b...
Read full storyHistorical Sex Toys bought for record price at auction by "Kinky" footballers wife needing it!
A pair of dated 1700's ancient wooden, very black Phallus (dildo's, in them days they thought a Dildo was dough mixed with dill) was sold at auction for a record price to a secret, kinky, multi-millionairess, footballers wife and not Cheryl Cole.
Read full storyCheryl Cole Furious At Nadine Coyle Snub
As the rest of the country runs out of printable Cheryl Cole news stories, here at Skoob News we just keep right on churning them out. In the latest unremarkable twist in the Cheryl Cole saga we hear that Cheryl is furious that fellow Girls Aloud...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart wanted for Twilight Zone Movie
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are being lined up to appear in a new Twilight Zone Movie,so it could be from Twilight to Twilight Zone. Like the last Twilight Zone Movie there will be several different stories but Pattinson and Stewart will be...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Loses Out On Two Top Awards But Still Manages To Make Speech
Miley Cyrus attended the Annual Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards at the Pauley Pavilion here in LA last night accompanied by parents Billy Ray and Tish. Only to discover that she had missed out on two of the show's top awards. Many observers were s...
Read full story"Arousal Man" Barred from Future Palin Rallies
Cliff Boehner, no relation to Sen. John Boehner, has a bit of a problem whenever he gets within 100 feet of Sarah Palin. He can't contain his excitement and, in fact, becomes highly aroused. It is for that reason that Mr. Boehner is no longer welcome...
Read full storyGail McIntyre says "I didn't do it"
Coronation Street its the worlds most dangerous street, if you live there, the chance of you being murdered or dying in tragic circumstances is ten times more likely,than anywhere else on planet earth. Latest news from the street is that Gail McIn...
Read full storyGordon Brown's Porno Past Returns To Haunt Him
Gordon Brown's preparations for the General Election were thrown into disarray last night following the discovery of some topless photographs, taken when he was 15 years old. The snaps, technically illegal because he was under 16, were thought to...
Read full storyChristian Voice says 'Heaven Sucks.'
Fundamentalist group Christian Voice today announced that they planned to boycott Heaven by drinking sherry on a Sunday and going to Hell instead. The groups leader, level headed lunatic Stephen Green told reporters that: 'Christian Voice was rece...
Read full storyJesse James Says He Will Change His Outlaw-Sounding Name To A Lesser Outlaw-Sounding Name Like Cole Younger or Emmett Dalton
LONG BEACH, California - Jesse James has just replaced Tiger Woods, Senator John Edwards, and Governor Mark Sanford as the most hated womanizer in the entire United States. James who is a trashy tattoo-polluted carnival-looking individual is one a...
Read full storyOuch! Burt Reynolds And Kenny Rogers Are Starting To Look A Like
SANTA MONICA, California - Former movie star Burt Reynolds and former singer Kenny Rogers have both had so much damn plastic surgery, liposuction, botox, collagen injections, and breast augmentation done that the two are beginning to look eerily alik...
Read full storyArkansas Passes The Tiger Woods - Jesse James Ozark Mountains Adultery Act
LITTLE ROCK - The state of Arkansas has jumped ahead of the other 48 states, or 49 if you count frozen Alaska, which most "Lower 48ers" don't since Sarah Palin came onto the scene with her moose killing, camouflage jock-strap wearing 'I can shoot bet...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says That She Fell For Liam Hemsworth Over A Door
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Miley Cyrus recently remarked to her make up artist, Mr. Skippy, that she first realized she liked boyfriend Liam Hemsworth when he opened the door for her at a local Jack-in-The-Box. Miley was totally floored, but she managed to...
Read full storyMarijuana is...
Marijuana is... ...Why I wake up in the morning ...How I wake up in the morning ...My shower buddy ...Something the man will never understand ...A breath of fresh-air ...A reason for hope ...The agent of change ...Bi-partisan ...As illegal as speeding ...The reason Hollywood exists ...The reason Jay speaks for Bob ...The reason I know some black people ...The...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Dumps Hannah Montana - Won't Stop Talking About It
Sensational breaking news as Miley Cyrus - the singing actress who never stops talking - quits Hannah Montana after making a fortune for Disney, and goes on to talk about it for hours, and hours, and hours on end. Pausing only very occasionally f...
Read full storyColin Powell Leads Amazing Coup. Washington DC Surrenders!
What is being acclaimed as the most daring and overdue activity in the history of the world Colin Powell, the most respected and treasured African American with proof led an invasion of Washington DC. The shock and awe was incredibly easy and not...
Read full storyGordon Brown acts on tip off that Susan Boyle is inundated by begging letters
The UK Prime Minister, Mr Gordon Brown, reportedly spent this afternoon meeting with Simon Cowell in an attempt to protect the Scottish singing sensation Miss Susan Boyle. Mr Cowell fears that multiple attempts to relieve Miss Boyle of her report...
Read full storyFifty-thousand praying Muslims cause panic in Washington, DC.
The Secret Service went to Def-Con 11 for the first time since the Cuban missile crisis in 1962, as thousands of Muslim protestors kneeled and prayed on the Capitol grounds. Capitol police issued riot gear and tried to enforce the 'no prayer in p...
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