Written by Nae mair crap

Sunday, 28 March 2010

image for Scottish local authority invokes emergency planning regulation to divert nosy Susan Boyle fans away from her new house
there should be a river there, it's on my map

West Lothian Council has taken steps to ensure that Susan Boyle fanatics cannot find her new house.

A spokesman for the council said, "We are disappointed that several fansites saw fit to publish the location of the house. We realise that the news was leaked by a national newspaper but fansites had no need to make this news so easy to access by overseas fans. As a result we have renamed every street in her home village and we will not be releasing the names at this time".

Google has been told to back off. We have denied their request to "Streetwise" the village again. Google Earth has become an easy entry into the geography of the village. The river and stream have been diverted to disguise the location further and renamed, "Clean stream" and "very clean river". All street signs have been translated into the Gaelic to confuse the subo fanatics even more.

The spokesman added that the council took it's responsibility to the ecology very seriously and had succeeded along with adjacent local authorities in turning a midden into a meadow.

"We have already encountered some difficulties as overseas visitors argue that this is Blackburn, not the Backofbeyond, as we now call Blackburn. We point them in the direction of Blackburn, Aberdeenshire. If they want a sleepy backwater, that is the place to be and, it gets them out of our hair. We have not in our recent past encountered such know all, argumentative individuals as these middle aged women wearing red scarves. They wear that crucifix and curse like troopers, deary me".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Susan Boyle

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