Christian Voice says 'Heaven Sucks.'

Written by Dr Scotty Madoc

Sunday, 28 March 2010


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Jesus and a tasty snack

Fundamentalist group Christian Voice today announced that they planned to boycott Heaven by drinking sherry on a Sunday and going to Hell instead.

The groups leader, level headed lunatic Stephen Green told reporters that: 'Christian Voice was recently visited by an angel of the Lord who had a message from Lord Jesus on high which said-
'well done for all the good work, you've all earned your places in heaven at the right hand of God, particularly liked your sterling work boycotting Eric Idle's new musical and all that gays are evil stuff was a nice touch.'

The angel then showed us a glorious vision of the paradise awaiting us before leaping into a chariot of flaming gold and rushing off back to the misty Eden above.

I've got to say that I've never been more offended in my life. Heaven is a left wing, politically correct Nazi's paradise! Everyone up there is walking around half naked wearing white sheets, playing loud harp music all the time creating noise pollution and there are people of all races and creeds mingling together with no respect for tradition or culture... its a bloody disgrace!'

After wording a strong letter of complaint to Jehova, Stephen and his group of bleating Jesus Perverts took to the streets trying to incite hatred among fellow God squad members.

'Satan is my new master,' Mr Green told us. 'He has values that I can really empathise with: discord, suffering, injustice, bigotry, hatred. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to watch Monty Python's life of Brian and Jerry Springer the opera before protesting at a Bible reading group. Praise Satan and kindly piss off.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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