Arkansas Passes The Tiger Woods - Jesse James Ozark Mountains Adultery Act

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 28 March 2010


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A happily married Arkansas couple, cousins Billy Bill Bitterleaf and Dolly Jo Dabberlocks.

LITTLE ROCK - The state of Arkansas has jumped ahead of the other 48 states, or 49 if you count frozen Alaska, which most "Lower 48ers" don't since Sarah Palin came onto the scene with her moose killing, camouflage jock-strap wearing 'I can shoot better than most men' arrogant personality.

Arkansas, which is Chickasaw for "Hey chief, I swear on a stack of buffalo skin rugs that I had no idea that my new bride Little Lilting Locust was my cousin?" has just passed legislation that will deal with the act of being unfaithful to one's spouse.

The new act known as The Tiger Woods - Jesse James Ozark Mountains Adultery Act was first introduced by Senator Elmer Mollycoddle, of Arkadelphia.

Senator Mollycoddle perhaps said it best when he said, "It sho nuff be a damn darn shame dat dees male Hollywood celery (celebrity) types of folkses (people) dey go around pokin' their proddin poles (wiggle worms) into da unsuspecting wonky wonkettes (groin goodies) of growed up (mature) white women (bitches).

And dees bitches (white women) dey know dat da man be married and all and still dey encourage him ta entertain (enter) their privatized, personified, and protruding snatchoids (crotch cookies)."

Senator Mollycoddle who has been married to the same women, Polly Fay Mollycoddle, for 49 years went on to say that when he married his wife, he was 19 and she was only 13. But he said teary-eyed that they had a common bond that brought them together.

They had a love that was so utterly familiar it was amazing. And as the senator so eloquently put it, "Yessum, Polly Fay and I, we had us one hellacious and semi-sexually somewhat satisfying sexual relationship. And ah huh, truth be told, yes dadgummit, maybe we did take dat nine lettered word 'relationship' somewhat literal.

But deep down there somewhere around where are groins and crotches be situated we found us one smack dabbin' fine as radiator wine love munchin' giddiness.

And yes, maybe our closeness, it was like da kind dat some people feel dat dey knowed all of der life like sometimes cousins do, and gosh darnit yes, it be a true statement dat I state when I says dat Polly Fay and yours truly was, are, and is cousins."

The senator went on to add, "And yes sir and yes ma'am it be true dat three of our 16 kids dey wuzz born without eyebrows, tonsils, elbows, or belly buttons, or a damn sense of humor, but so what.

Polly Fay and I love each and every one of our 16 kids, especially little 9-year-old Huckleberry who we all admit does have one hellacious strange as shit fascination with his 93-year-old grandma Fayette's sagging-as-hell tits."

In other news. Anderson Cooper of CNN has just denied for the 893rd time that he is gay. Cooper says that he wishes that the entertainment media would talk about other things such as if Rush Limbaugh is gay, or if Jesse James is gay, or if Warren Beatty is gay.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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