Britney Spears Becomes Unbalanced
It's a good thing that singer Britney Spears has completed her long 'Circus Tour' as family and friends say that she has become completely unbalanced. "We're doing the best we can for her", stated agent Herb Hemp. "Her dad is also helping. Her bro...
Read full storyChocolate Makes Me Horny!
Lindsay Lohan's secret insationable desire for sex is the result of this new and until now secret chocolate! It was created by an aging european chief who has created it to keep up his reputation of "a horny old goat" Ms. Lohan purchased the...
Read full storyThe Zodiac Will Judge Obama On His Anniversary This Wednesday
New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street): Cyberspace is abuzz with news of the karmic astrology for Barack Obama's first anniversary in office on Wednesday. The day starts with the Sun's entry into Aquarius around 4.30GMT and the begining of a magnificen...
Read full storyTaliban Prepare To Serenade Our Boys.
The Taliban are using computer games to train their 'soldiers' in the art of war. It was alleged that PC flight simulator games were used to train the would be pilots who attacked the World Trade Center in New York, so it was no surprise when mili...
Read full storyMan Living with Parents Mauled to Death by Cougar
OTTAWA - After winning a lengthy legal battle for the right to keep exotic cougars on his property in rural Ontario, Buford Starwarrior was mauled to death by a 125-pound animal. Starwarrior, a 26-year-old shut in and aspiring comic book artist w...
Read full storyJon Gosselin Is Dissed Big Time By Ex-Girlfriend Hailey Glassman
GREENWICH, Connecticut - Hailey Glassman who until recently was Jon Gosselin's girlfriend hopes that he will be happy with his new girlfriend Morgan Christie. Glassman who is 22, said that she dumped Jon, former co-star of the reality show, Jon an...
Read full storyFarve Out! To be Replaced by Rocky Balboa in "Rocky V , Stuperbowl"
Received by Special Morse Code, the Sports Desk has just received word that underdog Bret Farve is out for the playoffs due to rheumatoid arthritis in his hips, thumbs, eyes and both Big Toes. Fearing a serious loss of underdog spirit against mu...
Read full storyNo Apple In Eve
Doctors at Big Pharma Sue-Dick-Cools have announced they have successfully removed a G-spot from a prominent mouthpiece of the conservative right. Initial tests determined that what was once believed to be an Adam's apple was just a misplaced ple...
Read full storyHorror: Woman Shocked By Town Centre Drive-By
Shoppers in High Wycombe were shocked today as a viscious drive-by shouting was carried out in the town centre. Mary Higginbotham, 58, suffered a heart palpitation when the shouting occurred at 9:37 this morning, opposite the Eden shopping centre.
Read full storyFrosty poses nude in an "all" men's magazine
Those of you who built snowmen in your childhood days will be surprised to learn that the snowman you all read about and sang about through all of your youth is indeed 'Gay'. He recently "came out" when a cold front presented itself in his area an...
Read full storyMacArthur Park Heralds Armageddon!
Reknowned astrophysicist Ferbert T. Weedledom and Nubile Prize winning environmentalist Felicia T. Weedledee announced publication of their research paper entitled, "A Baker's Guide to Planetary Acoustics," in which they assert that the cumulative effect of acoustical energy generated by noise-producing events, in combination with electromagnetism and gravitational influences, are responsible for...
Read full storyMartha Coakley Gets Lost On Last Day of Campaigning: Rallies People in Rhode Island Who Were Happy to Get the $50 to Vote!
A strange thing happened to the Martha Coakley cavalcade as it headed to a rally in Fall River Massachusetts today, when a confused bus driver took a wrong turn and wound up in the unmarked suburb of East Providence, R.I. Coakley's Campaign Aides,...
Read full storyBrit Andy Murray Wins First Match At Aussie Open
British tennis ace Andy Murray has hit the ground running in the Australian open this week. As always the British sports hero has won his first match, beating Kevin Anderson in straight sets. The win has sent the British press into a frenzy of...
Read full storyWoman Loses Weight By Loosening Her Belly Button
A big fat slapper named Alice Browne, 23, has surprised all her other fat friends at the local gym by turning up yesterday weighing 5-stone less than the day before. Browne, 23, who was commonly known in the locality as 'Fat Fuck Bitch Browne', sa...
Read full storyTiger 'Woody' 'Constant Hard-On' Woods in Rehab to Cure Sex Addiction
Shamed golfer Tiger 'Woody' 'Constant Hard On' Woods has gone into a rehabilitation centre for treatment of sex addiction, according to various untrustworthy reports. A number of US media sources reported that 'Woody' (as the girls like to call hi...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Flys To Brazil In Search of A Kicker
DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones has flown down to Brazil to conduct tryouts to hopefully find a new field goal kicker among Brazil's dozens of soccer teams. Jones admitted that the kicking position is not exactly his biggest...
Read full storyUS survey proves "Blondes" are not dumb certainly not "Suckers" and drive a "Hard" bargain!
It is now a fact, Blonde women and those who dye their hair blond are not dumb, Marilyn you've been pardoned, oo boob ee doo! A survey by US scientists in California confirmed this fact stating: "Blond women are definitely not dumb or "Suckers"...
Read full storyWarren Beatty wins annual snow writing contest in Aspen
A cheering crowd of vacationing skiers in Aspen screamed in glee as famous actor/womanizer, Warren Beatty won the 2nd annual snow writing contest in this celebrity crowded city. The contest involved several local residents as well as celebrities.
Read full storyDavid Letterman Says That Grandma Lee Told Him She Has Intimate Photos of Her and Jay Leno
NEW YORK CITY - David Letterman informed Regis Philbin on Live With Regis and Kathy that he recently received a text message from Grandma Lee informing him that she has intimate photos of her and Jay Leno. Letterman told Philbin that apparently L...
Read full storyBob Timpson 'Not Ready For Love'
Bob Timpson, the famous celebrity builder in Leicester, says he is not ready for love, in a sensational outburst following the split from long time girlfriend Natalie Lyle. The celebrity, who made his name when he auditioned for Big Brother, but w...
Read full storyMichele Obama Says Oprah Winfrey After Barack
Apparently Michelle Obama doesn't care who knows about it, she just plain does not like Oprah Winfrey. In the latest battle, the President gave Oprah permission to film another interview with them at the White House and Michelle, according to a so...
Read full storySpiderman meets Spiderwoman
It had to happen sometime. Spiderman has been crawling buildings and high towers for a long time now playing the part of a hero in comic books and in movies. However, it was learned that "he does have a life of his own" said one bystander who hap...
Read full storyBrett Favre Is Considering Running For Governor Of Minnesota
MINNEAPOLIS - Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre had just barely gotten out of the dressing room shower after soundly beating the Dallas Cowboys 34-3, when this reporter asked him to comment on the rumor that he may consider running for the go...
Read full storyEvidence Of The 'Real' Relationship Between Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson Discovered.
The long ongoing question of just what sort of 'relationship' there was between Sherlock Holmes and his 'companion' Dr. Watson has finally been found. The odd part of it is that the answer has been right in front of our noses for a century. Ref...
Read full story737 Pound Man Featured in New Reality Film
Former NY Times bestseller Mitch Albom is about to release details for a companion story to 'Tuesday's with Morrie', called 'Thursday's with Thurston' about a morbidly obese teenager unable to care for himself. The story format will follow the sam...
Read full storyJessica Simpson: "That'll Teach Him (Tony Romo) To Dump Me The Day Before My Birthday!"
LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson had just stepped off the plane from Minneapolis at Los Angeles' LAX Airport when this reporter asked her how she was doing. Jessica grinned and said that she was doing much better now. When asked to explain she replie...
Read full storyGay Pants On the Ground: General Larry Platt/Susan Boyle duet single release with Brett Favre on backing vocals!
Minnesota - (Ass Mess): The Minnesota Vikings superstar has been offered $1 million to accompany General Platt and Britain's Gut Talent warbler Susan Boyle on the new single. The celeb quaterback was heard honing his vocal talents at Sunday's 34-3...
Read full storyMan United failures, Berbatov, Nani & Anderson on shock loan to Scottish 4th division slum outfit, GGFC (GLASG'Y GORBALS FC)!
Sir Alex Ferguson sick to death of his multi-million buy failures, Berbatov, Nani & Anderson has loaned them out to a Scot 4th division outfit near to his birth place in the slums called the "Glasg'y Gorbals FC" to teach them the grassroots of re...
Read full storyObama Sends Biden to Haiti; Lands in Detroit & Can't Tell the Difference!
Vice President Joe Biden, dispatched to Haiti by Nobel Peace Prize winner Mr. Opportunity, Barry Obama, was forced to set down in Detroit today due to an unruly press aide who claimed his shorts were on fire. A nonplussed Biden, who didn't realize...
Read full storyBaldrick Browns cunning plan for Labour to win next General Election
Baldrick Brown has an I.Q. so low he was beaten by a chimpanzee in a game of draughts so if he comes up with a cunning plan be careful of taking it seriously. Baldrick though thinks he has come up with the most cunning of all cunning plans he has...
Read full storyWeather Channel Deploys Jim Cantore to Cover Impending Cape Cod Tsunami Set to Swamp Obama & Dems!
Democrat Politicians have been bracing for a monumental voter storm as Hair Apparent Martha Coakley, the Kennedy' Anointed One' for his very large Senate Seat has been responsible for calling up monumental storm clouds for the future of Obamamania.
Read full storyHerkimer Heslop Hold High Honors Writing Headlines
Handicapped as a halfling after hitting his head on the haunches of a Hackney horse and then tossed to the hedges, Herkimer Heslop now holds high honors as an internationally heralded headline writer. Handling his horrible childhood accident and h...
Read full storyButter Kills more people than guns, knives, bombs and swine flu
Doctor Marg Best has made a sensational claim for a complete ban on butter claiming it is responsible for the deaths of thousands of people every year from heart disease. Doctor Best claims that butter is more likely to kill you than guns, knives,...
Read full storyGordon Brown's name "dreamed up" on playing fields of Eaton
In what might prove to be highly embarrassing to the Prime Minister it has been revealed that the name 'Gordon' came to his father John in a drunken dream. John was having a crafty kip behind the cricket pavilion when taking a short cut across Eaton...
Read full storyCheryl Cole dumped from Awards Ceremony
London - (Rotters): Cheryl Cole is top of the list of singers dumped by the Grit Awards (an annual pop music awards ceremony) who won't appearing in next month's 30th anniversary show. Organisers said the over-exposed X-Fucter judge had become a l...
Read full storyUnderpants Bomber blamed on 'Global Warming'
The antics of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Christmas Day Underpants Bomber, have been directly linked to global warming, climate experts confirmed today. "We are convinced that the accurate rise in global temperatures that we correctly predicted...
Read full story'Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of Obama's Silence about Israel'
As Dr. Watson started eating another piece of toast and kosher gefillte fish, Dr. Watson came into the room. 'Ah, Holmes', he said, sitting down and helping himself to some vegetarian burgers blessed by the Chief Rabbi of Norway, 'anything in the news?' 'Really, Watson', that sleuth answered, 'if there was nothing in the news then The Times would just be filled with idiotic drivel about cookery an...
Read full storyMartha Coakley Denies She's Been Keeping Whitey Bulger in Her Basement as a Last Favor for Ted Kennedy
As if she hasn't enough problems with her campaign to 'win' the Senate seat 'bequeathed' to her by the DNC and the extended Kennedy family, Coakley is now facing charges that she has been harboring Boston Fugitive/Hitman/ FBI Informant Whitey Bulger...
Read full storyThe Uninteresting Side of the Atlantic Convention Opens Today
The USA (Uninteresting Side of the Atlantic) Convention opened today in Little Point, Arkansaw, and was attended by hundreds of thousands of uninteresting people. The guest speaker was, of course, an uninteresting man with dark skin and huge teeth...
Read full storyMen can't sit beside children on planes
A leading airline wants to ban single men from sitting beside children on planes. The announcement has caused a major debate because this policy virtually accuses all men of being perverts. Meanwhile members of the W.C. Society in London who follo...
Read full storyChernobyl: Still no Superheros
It been 20 odd years since the Chernobyl Disaster and yet we still have no Superheros. As this world seems to crumble down around us and the absence of Captain Planet, Superman, Batman, Wonder Women, Hulk and others, we are all heading on a downward...
Read full storyThai Daily News 18.1.10
Rescuers are still trying to locate people buried under the rubble of last week's earthquake in Haiti, but it's also been a particularly busy day in the Thai capital of Bangkok today, where several stories have caught the eye. For details, here i...
Read full storyNow You Can Kill Your TV With 'TV Killing Machine'
Newly-launched company 'The TV Killing Machine" promises to liberate you from energy-sucking television shows and eliminate TV stars, over-dramatic anchors of news channels and hyper-enthusiastic contestants of reality shows from your daily life.
Read full storyJay Leno Has Just Passed Kanye West, Bernie Madoff, and Chris Brown As The Most Hated Man In America
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of Celluloid City is that NBC has pandered to Jay Leno and the man who owns over 6,000 classic automobiles will get his way. In the meantime, the widely-liked Conan O'Brien will get his red-headed butt kicked to t...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Clobbered By The Minnesota Vikings - Owner Jerry Jones May Fire Himself
MINNEAPOLIS - The Minnesota Vikings soundly trounced the Dallas Cowboys 34-3. No one has been able to figure out why, but for some inexplicable reason the Cowboys left their offensive line and their whole defensive team in Texas. Quarterback Tony...
Read full storySix million plus , rats, going to the Moon!
Astronomers have discovered that the moon is indeed the next planet to be inhabited. Not by man, but by animals. The animal of choice to be Rats. Eugene Watts has been collecting rats for the past six months just for this very project. Presentl...
Read full storyThe Real Bread Knives of Lancaster County
Whew, just came back from Tesco, madness it was. Everyone seems to be shopping today just my luck and the traffic too. You should see all the Moslem food there is now, grape leaves, feta cheese, spices in packets the size of sugar bags and lentils. I grew up to the age of fifty and never once saw a lentil, wouldn't know how to cook it today and the store is full of them, dried in bags or tins...
Read full storyThe Bachelor: Rozlyn Papa Fights Back!
After the rumor mill, which many believe began by the network itself, cranked out the story that "The Bachelor" participant, Rozlyn Papa had been sleeping with a crew member of the show, Papa was kicked off the show. Yesterday, Rozlyn came forwar...
Read full storyJanuary transfer latest
Well the hits just keep on rolling in the premier league this week as Alex Ferguson revealed Dimitar Berbatov will undergo an "operation". "Dimitar's had a few niggles and problems recently that are affecting his performance, he needs treatment. T...
Read full storyDonald Trump to replace Simon on American Idol
When the news broke out that Simon would be leaving the show he made famous, American Idol, fans and critics alike wondered who could possibly replace Simon on his show. Well, after the 2010 season wraps up, American welcomes their newest "Idol" judg...
Read full storyKennedy Stranglehold on Massachusetts, and Obama's 'Mandate' Taking on Water in Cape Cod Bay!
Massachusetts voters have been energized as never before, as the special election to replace the ever pickled Senate Icon Ted Kennedy heads into the final hours before Tuesday's election. On the playing field, Martha Coakley a weak kneed state Att...
Read full storyVan Trapped on an Airplane: The True Story of Flight 253
A plane full of terrorists, bound for the United States from Holland, were subjected to hours of emotional abuse. There was the onboard arrest of an elderly lady and a young boy, an unprovoked attack on a fellow passenger by a Dutch tourist and then...
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