Handicapped as a halfling after hitting his head on the haunches of a Hackney horse and then tossed to the hedges, Herkimer Heslop now holds high honors as an internationally heralded headline writer.
Handling his horrible childhood accident and hindered movement heroically, Heslop mastered handwriting and headline writing skills with humility and a lack of hubris. Known for his Northern Hemisphere work in Honduras and Haiti, his heaviest heralds came from the Hispanic community over his reports on habitual Hashish use in abandoned haciendas by hostile hombres.
A devout Hebrew, Heslop held high regard for humanity, and their hindered road to happiness. Headlining world horrors including heinous crimes, heretics, hostages, H1N1 hysteria and racial hostility, Heslop also loved stories about the homeless, handicapped and others deserving an honorable handshake as well.
Hunkered down for years in the hallowed halls of his humble bungalow, Heslop, a harbinger for changes to headline habits and trends, hopes to retire to Honolulu, Hawaii in the coming months. His headlines were commonly seen in the Miami Herald, Hartford Gazette, Houston Chronicle, Huntsville Herald, Humboldt Press, and the Hyde Park Citizen, but most notably TheSpoof, which doesn't have an "H" in the hallowed name.
A huge fan of Hemmingway, Heslop hopes seclude himself on a small heifer farm with a hostess he met over a hot dog and herbal tea. There he will write about honor, humor, and tales of the heart, while his heartthrob Helen will tend the Holsteins, feeding them hay and harvesting whole milk. While Heslop will specialize in handwriting holistic views to the human condition, Helen will hold Cheese in highest regard. The brand name will be, of course, Herkimer Heslop's Havarti.
