Tiger 'Woody' 'Constant Hard-On' Woods in Rehab to Cure Sex Addiction

Funny story written by Clifford Rutley

Monday, 18 January 2010


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Sex & Golf Don't Mix!

Shamed golfer Tiger 'Woody' 'Constant Hard On' Woods has gone into a rehabilitation centre for treatment of sex addiction, according to various untrustworthy reports.

A number of US media sources reported that 'Woody' (as the girls like to call him) has checked into the Pine Grove Behavioural Health and Addiction Services clinic in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

Woody, who admitted to "infidelities" with a string of women and golf clubs, has not been seen in public since November 27 when he crashed his car outside his Florida home, fracturing his erect penis in the process.

Pine (a type of wood) Grove reportedly has one of the top sex addiction programs in the US with treatment lasting for an average of six weeks, after the removal of a sex organ.

The clinic's facilities director, Dr Patrick 'Snip-Snip' Carnes, is said to have pioneered treatment for sexually compulsive behaviour, not long after he discovered how to use a knife and a pair of scissors.

Employees and visitors at the centre told WJTV television news in Jackson, Mississippi that 'Woody' is there.

Meanwhile, one eyewitness said she saw 'Woody' arriving at a nearby airport earlier in the week.

"He didn't look happy or sad, just straight," student Adrian Smith said. 'Just kind of like a man who would soon be without his member.'

"He looked around and got in the driver's seat. He didn't seem to be in a hurry; in fact he seemed to be dragging out the whole affair as long as he could."

Pine Grove officials have refused to say whether 'Woody' is at the centre.

Father-of-two 'Woody' has been at the centre of a scandal since news first broke of an alleged affair with party hostess Rachel Uchitel more than a month ago.

Since then, a host of women have come forward claiming they have had affairs with Woody - but, as yet, all have failed to generate a second income from it.

The golfer issued a statement admitting to "infidelities" and stated his intention to become a better husband, father and person.

He also said he would be taking an "indefinite" break from professional golf…

Speculative bids have already started appearing on eBay for his wood.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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