Vice President Joe Biden, dispatched to Haiti by Nobel Peace Prize winner Mr. Opportunity, Barry Obama, was forced to set down in Detroit today due to an unruly press aide who claimed his shorts were on fire.
A nonplussed Biden, who didn't realize there was an emergency landing, dismounted from the plane, took in the surrounding devastation and commented to no one in particular...."Holy Shit....this place is a F*****g Mess...we've got to get the Marines on the ground here to get some order!"
Biden refused to believe aides when they told him they were really in Detroit.
"Really...I don't believe it....look at these people trying to get to me begging for help....look at the corpses lined up over there by the school...look at the burned out buildings and the graffiti....this can't be AMERICA!"
While getting prepped for a hastily called news conference by unsuspecting reporters who only minutes ago were checking the security measures in their own homes, feeding the K-9 dogs, and cleaning their weapons, Biden was shocked to learn Detroit leads the nation with a 27% unemployment rate.
This startling fact has not been disclosed by Government Statistics, mainly because they can't find any employers left in Detroit who have employees, and also because they can't even find any census takers dumb enough to go walk the streets and knock on the walls of abandoned apartments, the doors are long gone for firewood, to get an accurate count.
As hordes of hungry unemployed residents began to gather, threatening to close off the runway and an escape, and chanting "WHERE'S OUR MONEY' Biden grew increasingly nervous. "Look at these people....they're certainly not very clean...and they don't seem to be very articulate...even Harry Reid would be shocked....these people are not Harry's vision of Negroes!"
Biden decided to beat a hasty retreat back to Washington telling his aide, " Call that F***** pussy hound Bill Clinton to get out of Massachusetts and take charge of that Haiti S****...he is the ambassador down there, isn't he...or is that just another 'No Show' Job Barry's been handing out?"
