A big fat slapper named Alice Browne, 23, has surprised all her other fat friends at the local gym by turning up yesterday weighing 5-stone less than the day before.
Browne, 23, who was commonly known in the locality as 'Fat Fuck Bitch Browne', said she had a shower that morning and noticed her big fat flabby reflection in the mirror.
"I thought I saw some sort of round button slightly above my nether regions. I thought to myself that maybe I should unfasten it and see what happens", she blabbed.
Almost immediately, a big lump of lard slipped out onto the floor at her swollen feet.
"I was amazed. I stepped on the scales and saw that I was lighter. I did it a few more times until I could start to see my feet for the first time in 15 years. I stopped when I reached my ideal weight of 26-stone 4 lbs".
All Alice's friends are envious - and fat. None of them have yet discovered their 'B spots' - as the legendary belly button is known colloquially.
In fact, they have turned a bright green colour, which combined with their fat arses and puffy faces, make them look even more like giant vegetables than usual.