Lying, sex tape star and convicted drink driver named new England football captain
Fabio Capello today proudly announced the name of the next English football captain today after relieving John Terry of the responsibility. It's none other than the star of classic TV show 'Rio Plays For Laughs' - Rio Ferdinand. The youth of En...
Read full storyMichael Wants Motor Racing Crown
Famous Germain shove-racecar driver, Michael Pushmaker, has returned to attempt to reclaim his top-clown crown in motor racing. Following the recent events Michael Pushmaker has been encouraged that once again that the f-Uno scene is ready to ke...
Read full storyArshavin DNA tests revealed on TV
A recent mid morning TV show has revealed that Arsenal's Andrey Arshavin is indeed related to UK actor Michael York and not, as previously thought, Alexandr the meerkat. DNA experts have said that this outcome was simples. Meanwhile, Michael Yo...
Read full storyToyota Stuck Pedals - Gizzum On Floor Mat?
It was announced late yesterday that as long as horny Americans continue to have sex in the front seat of their cars, there is nothing which can be done to alleviate the stuck pedal problem - they will simply continue to get stuck with gizzum. Eig...
Read full storyVanessa Perroncel - Expect More Revelations Soon - Terry Sacked as England Skipper
Reports are flooding into my office tonight stating that John Terry has been sensationally sacked as England football captain by no nonsense head coach Fabio Capello. At this point I am still waiting for confirmation, as is the case with reports that...
Read full storyEast Coast Storm to Bring Eight Inches, Men Celebrate
The National Weather Service has announced a winter storm warning for the bulk of the Atlantic coast, while the storm is expected to bring an additional six to eight inches of thick measurable depth. Chief Doppler Radar forecaster, Ivana Hardmen,...
Read full storyVanessa Perroncel - Who was the Number Five?
Whoever the elusive number five may be in the ongoing Vanessa Perroncel sex scandal, he is most certainly the most sought after individual in the UK. The problem is that he's keeping a low profile, and those in the know are refusing to blow the whist...
Read full storyMadonna's Boy Toy, Jesus Luz, Finally Dumps Her
After dating for one year, Jesus Luz, aka Madonna's 'Boy Toy' has finally decided to dump the materialistic iconic icon. Jesus, who Madonna called 'Yes Jes' spoke to Brazilian reporters as he lounged out on Rio's famous Ipanema Beach surrounded by...
Read full storySky News Anchor Kay Burley Facing Calls to be Axed
Not to be outdone by football sex scandals, MP expense debacles, French lingerie models or Scientologists preaching to Haitian earthquake victims, fans of Aussie pop song strangler Peter Andre, the former husband of Katie Price have been flexing thei...
Read full storyToyota Managers Commit Seppuku
In the finest traditions of Bushido shamed managers of the Toyota Motor Company, Japan, committed ritual seppuku this morning to atone for the failure of manufacturing quality control methods which have caused a worldwide recall of millions of Toyota...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens: Zac Needs To Quit Playing Video Games & Play With Me
Vanessa Hudgens has told her boyfriend Zac Efron that he needs to learn some new games with her and to leave the video games off for awhile. "He got a whole stash of games for Christmas and now he's in there on the things all the time", Hudgens...
Read full storyJohn Terry Stripped Of His Captain's Armband: "I Was Tired of Being The Captain Anyway"
After days of rampant speculation, it is now official, John Terry, is no longer the captain of Coach Fabio Capello's England team. Capello speaking in front of hundreds of reporters from all over the world, including Alaska, Borneo, and Phoenix, s...
Read full storyScientists Discover Medical Link to SIDS -- Not the Demon Lilith
After two decades of work, doctors and medical researchers in the United States believe they have evidence that abnormally low levels of serotonin -- a chemical in the brain that helps control breathing during sleep -- plays a pivotal role in causing...
Read full storyElection Subcontractor OneDollarOneVote Announces November Election Auction!
Election subcontracting giant OneDollarOneVote, Inc (NASDAQ symbol ODOV) announced today an election auction to be held in November. "Money is speech", said spokesman Clarence Thomas, "And when money talks, we listen!" ODOV's right to spend unl...
Read full storyRon Raul For Legalized Marijuana, Prostitution
In a speech before some 78 people yesterday, potential presidential candidate Ron Raul stated that he would like for the country to legalize the growing of marijuana with a portion paid to the government to get the national debt down. He would als...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Funeral Plans Costly As She Wants To Be Cremated
Poor Kirstie Alley can't get anything to go right these days. "I can't even plan for my departure, whenever that might happen", she told Dan Hilliard ass reporter of UP2. It seems that there are many extra charges for anyone over 300 hundred po...
Read full storyLocal Woman Weds Man For His Monkey
When local woman Tina Trollop, 19, married octogenarian bachelor Johnny Wad, 89, most locals thought that the old timer had at long last found true love and that they would all live happily ever after on his monkey plantation in south Norwich. Bu...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen May End Up Filming Two And A Half Men From Prison
ASPEN, Colorado - Charlie Sheen's attorney Gulliver Altoona has informed his client that things are not looking too good for him. Altoona told Sheen that the state of Colorado has informed him that they are sick and tired of all of these Left Coas...
Read full storyEngland dump Terry; Unknown Gay Player Offered to Replace Him!
England manager Fabio Capello has dumped John Terry because of his recent antics and now is searching for a suitable replacement. "Gay as you Play" football magazine has offered Fabio some advice and offered one of their star players to captain E...
Read full storyMel Gibson Hired as Toyota Spokesman
It was announced today that "Edge of Darkness" star Mel Gibson would be the new spokesman for Toyota, which has recently been plagued with the minor defect of cars not stopping when the driver wants. The announcement came on the heels of a press c...
Read full storyStephen King Wrote Latest Novel, "Under The Dome" On His Body Cast
When Stephen King was nearly killed by a van as he was out walking a few years ago, he had a long recovery in the hospital and his rehabilitation. "I was going nuts", King told our reporter, Bob Kane. "Other than putting a special curse on that va...
Read full storyHand Sanitizer Manufacturer Secretly Releases Third Strand of Swine Flu Virus
A liquid hand sanitizer giant has reportedly released a sub-sect strain of the popular swine flu virus to the general public to make up for sagging fourth quarter sales projections. The company saw their stock prices soar over the past year as t...
Read full storyFor The Cajun Population, A Super Bowl Win Could Go A Long Way After Devastating Louisiana Purchase Debacle
BATON ROUGE - For a select few citizens in Louisiana's state capital of Baton Rouge, the upcoming Super Bowl has a different meaning for them. Hearing the anecdotes about how good a win would be for the city of New Orleans after the very recent, dev...
Read full storyCarrie Underwood Reveals Why She'll Be Lip Syncing The National Anthem At The Super Bowl
CHICAGO - Country music's sexy singing sensation Carrie Underwood appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show revealed that she was actually the fourth choice to sing the National Anthem at this years 44th Annual Super Bowl. Underwood said that the NFL's...
Read full storyThe Grey Alien - The Mr X files
Our Mr X met up with a former employee who worked in area 51 also known as Dreamland. The employee who gave him name as Jim met at a secret location in Nevada to discuss his findings. Jim allowed Mr X to look at a Blue Book marked TOP SECRET but would not allow Mr X to keep the book. In the book it describes alien Creatures referred to as Greys who apparently occupy many underground bases on ea...
Read full storyBritain is Flat Broke!
The latest financial figures to shock the UK have just been released and it ain't good reading. In fact, Britain is flat broke. That's a fact. The UK government, a beaming guiding light for its people, is broke too! Even Fred Bloggs unemployed...
Read full storyRobbie Keane - I'll leave Celtic
The Glasgow club's latest big star name says he is delighted to sign for the team he supported as a lad but doubts he'll be there for too long. 'Oi tink oiv got ants in me pants or someting' he told us. 'Oid loik to stay for the rest of me career...
Read full storyCambridge sluts protest at shagging noise curfew
Cambridge - (Decibels): Women students on classic Maria Sharapova grunting research scholarships are dismayed at draconian new rules imposed today. These limit the amount of permitted coital shrieking, yelling, pleading and goading during curfew h...
Read full story100 bottles of Sherpa Tenzing/Edmund Hillary bourbon found on Everest!
Himalayas - (Bottoms Up): It's been described as the mountaineering equivalent of carrying 15st in the Gold Cup. "Never mind the 'five crates of whisky and brandy' found under Sir Ernest Shackleton's Antarctic hut!" a Royal Geographical Drinking S...
Read full storyGoldfinger: He loves only gold
Every day there are more and more advertisements on television for companies wanting to buy your gold at the same time the price of gold is increasing at an alarming rate. It is believed that most gold purchased through these companies goes back t...
Read full storyKatie Price warned she is not Jordan
King Abdullah the nasty Dictator and oppressor of the people in Jordan has launched an astonishing attack on Katie Price aka Jordan. Abdullah has warned Price to stop using the name Jordan as that is the name of his country and she has no right to...
Read full storyJordan - No JT Cock Shocker
Celebrity glamour girl and home made interweb porno star Jordan, also known as Katie Over-Priced, has today revealed that she has never had a fumble with shamed England captain John Terrence. This has come as somewhat of a shock to the sports and...
Read full storyWoman who eats only soil to appear on Freaky Eaters
A South African woman who eats only soil has been invited to appear on the next series of television programme Freaky Eaters. As a schoolgirl Thuli Malindzi got hooked on eating soil which she claims tastes better than chocolate. Thuli who is now...
Read full storyPanic at The Vatican as radio announcement says 270,000 priests to be scrapped
There was panic in the Vatican yesterday and their switchboard was ringing non stop after radio broadcasts apparently announced that 270,000 priests were to be scrapped. Thousands of priests phoned in thinking they were losing their job of represe...
Read full storyDetained Wabitt Escapes! Wreaks Havoc in Spoofington Police Station; Spoofers Terrified!
Spoofington, NY- The Spoofington Police Department, in yet another embarrassing failure announced today that the infamous "Bunny Wabitt" who had terrorized U.S. and UK Top Spoofers has escaped. According to Sargent B.T. Fields, the spoof terrori...
Read full storyLondon Underground to go International
Commuters on the Northern Line were recently told to expect months of delays and a reduced service whilst rail engineers perform 'urgent upgrades' to the aging tube line. However, a spokesman for T.F.L. (Transport For London) has revealed that the...
Read full storyKelly Clarkson Defends Her Weight Gain - It's No Problem, I'll Just Wear Black
NATCHEZ, Mississippi - Kelly Clarkson, who was the very first American Idol winner, was in Natchez performing at a concert in The When Dem Cotton Balls Get Rotten Convention Center. And as always the gal from Texas put on quite a performance. She...
Read full storyAlex Reid and Katie Price: The Honeymoon Is Already Over!
LAS VEGAS - Goodness, gracious. In the words of Mr. Hoover, Damn! Mr. and Mrs. Alex Reid hadn't even been married seven hours when they had their first spat. It seems that Alex Reid and Katie Reid, formerly Katie Price, walked into a strip club ca...
Read full storyA California Court Mandates That Michael Jackson's Dead Giraffes Be Moved To New Jersey
SACRAMENTO - A California ruling has just been handed down by the honorable Judge Wilfred Orlando Hoochcoffee (89th Circuit Court - San Andreas Fault District). Judge Hoochcoffee was informed that several of the giraffes on Michael Jackson's Never...
Read full storyHarry Potter's Emma Watson - Hollywood's Highest Paid Actress
Emma Watson, the 19-year-old actress has just been named the highest-earning actress in Hollywood. The British lass, who stars in the Harry Potter film series earned a little over $31 million [£20 million British] in 2009. She was asked how it...
Read full storyPamela Anderson To Strut Her Stuff On Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - It has just been announced that Pamela Anderson, actress, glamour model, sex symbol, and professional wife (married three times) has been selected to appear on this years edition of Dancing With The Stars. The Canadian cutey stated tha...
Read full storySun Microsystems CEO Tweets Resignation, Starts Trend
When the CEO of Sun used Twitter to announce (actually he did it through poetry!) his resignation, it started an important trend for human resource departments all over the world. Out are long, detailed memos to and from human resources. In are twee...
Read full storyVanessa Perroncel Says John Terry's Cock Smaller Than We Would Imagine
Vanessa Perroncel, the model at the centre of the John Terry Scandal, has spoken out today in a French newspaper interview, claiming that Mr Terry's penis is not as big as people would think, and "nothing to write home about". Perroncel is the for...
Read full storySteve Jobs "iPad is not just a big f*****g iphone"
Steve Jobs has lashed out at criticism of Apples latest offering to the voracious and fickle world of technology. The iPad has been given a somewhat cautious welcome by the sweaters and spectacles brigade who had gathered together in statically ch...
Read full storyIran secretly sends Mahmud Ahmedinejad on rocket with animal menagerie into space
TEHRAN, Iran - Iran has announced that on Wednesday it launched an Iranian version of Noah's Ark [including a mouse, two turtles and worms] into space on a research rocket. This was meant to show the world that Iran could defeat the West in the...
Read full storyMark Lowton Hirs New Profreeder
Mark Lowton, owner of TheSpoof.kom is pleased to announce that "Service to writers and reeders will soon increase dramatically for the better with the appointment of a new proofreeder, Denny Dooster, to TheSpoof.com payroll." Lowton, who is on vac...
Read full storyNike To Pay Tiger Woods "Anything Elin Wants": Deal Will Allow Tiger To Play The Accenture Match Play Championship
A SPOKESMAN for a major golf and apparel manufacturer confirmed today that it will "indemnify" and "pay" Tiger Woods for any payments necessary to satisfy Elin Woods, "if only Tiger will get back on the tour." Rumors are circulating that Tiger could...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson To Star In Rebel Without A Cause Remake?
Rumor is that Robert Pattinson is afraid he's going to be typecast as a vampire and has taken on the role that help make James Dean a star in the 1950s. Warner Brothers had bought the rights to the story some time ago but they knew that it would t...
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