Robbie Keane - I'll leave Celtic

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Friday, 5 February 2010

image for Robbie Keane - I'll leave Celtic
'That wee shite Keane isnae going nowhere'

The Glasgow club's latest big star name says he is delighted to sign for the team he supported as a lad but doubts he'll be there for too long.

'Oi tink oiv got ants in me pants or someting' he told us. 'Oid loik to stay for the rest of me career but oi just can't stay in the same place for more than foiv minutes. Maybe it's the gypsy blood in me or someting but oiv never had a very good attention span. Oi just get bored really quickly.'

The former Wolves, Coventry, Inter, Leeds, Spurs, Liverpool and Spurs again striker added, 'perhaps dats why oi don't score so many goals. Me managers have always told me to stay in the penalty area but oim always drifting off into another position.'

'It's loik oim playing for Spurs a few weeks ago and Aaron Lennon crosses the ball into the box but oim not dare. Aaron shouts over, 'Robbie that ball was for you mate. I bust a gut beating two defenders and that's the first cross I got right all game.'

'So oi shouts back to him. Woi don't you lift your feckin head up when you're running with the ball for once and actually look who you're fecking passing to. Oi was in the feckin box but oi got bored so oi started to think what me ma was cooking for me tea tonight and oi must have wondered off to the corner flag.'

So where does Robbie think he'll be off to next after his spell at Celtic?

Who knows? He'd gone before we had chance to ask him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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