Written by Fergus McCarthy

Friday, 5 February 2010


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image for Steve Jobs "iPad is not just a big f*****g iphone"

Steve Jobs has lashed out at criticism of Apples latest offering to the voracious and fickle world of technology.

The iPad has been given a somewhat cautious welcome by the sweaters and spectacles brigade who had gathered together in statically charged fervent anticipation of something truly spectacular from the big Job.

Jobs said "I'm fucking sick off it. Honestly! I really am, all I keep hearing is that it can't do this and it can't do that, I tried doing this while I was doing that and it wouldn't let me check the price of a nice bit of Venezuelan crude.

"Fuck off! Has anyone said what it can do? Internet, iTunes, games, books, Spread sheets, documents the fucking lot!

"Get lost in a strange city? No problem, with your iPad's built in sat nav you'll be back at the hotel in no time... Wanna make a phone call? Use your goddamn iPhone shit for brains! That's what we made the damn thing for.

"What were these people expecting? A fricking time machine? Well they've got one, The ipad is a concept brought to life, a fantasy realised, it will give you back your youth. I defy anyone to nestle one of these baby's in the crook of their arm and not be 15 years old again. back on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise having a wank about Uhuru."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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