A California Court Mandates That Michael Jackson's Dead Giraffes Be Moved To New Jersey

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 5 February 2010

image for A California Court Mandates That Michael Jackson's Dead Giraffes Be Moved To New Jersey
We could not find a photo of a giraffe so this picture of a heron bird will have to do. Sorry. And Happy Valentine's Day.

SACRAMENTO - A California ruling has just been handed down by the honorable Judge Wilfred Orlando Hoochcoffee (89th Circuit Court - San Andreas Fault District).

Judge Hoochcoffee was informed that several of the giraffes on Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch's Strawberry Preserve had taken ill with the dreaded hind flu which strikes giraffes in their hind quarters.

The hind flu was first discovered in Botswana by Dr. Boombasa Loopavaca, a famed Kenyan witch doctor.

The hind flu has already affected about 114,900 of Botswana's 117,000 giraffes. One of of the symptoms of the hind flu is that the giraffe's spots start falling off, literally, they just peel off the neck and hind regions and splat down to the ground.

There have been reports from Uganda, that as many as 129 pygmies may have perished by getting hit by falling giraffe spots.

Of course those numbers cold be exaggerated as the Ugandan people have been know to be tellers of tall tales. Like the one about Tarzan actually being half Ugandan.

So it appears that the giraffes on Michael Jackson's preserve have been fatally hit by this hind flu. The preserve caretakers, Horace, Bucky, and Diego buried the giraffes but coyotes dug them up.

The caretakers reburied them and the damn coyotes redug them up again. After this went on for about ten days, the neighbors began to notice an extremely strong putrid smell coming from the preserve.

One of the neighbors actually snuck into the preserve and took pictures of the giraffe carcasses. They were given to California Health Officials.

The members of CHO determined that the giraffes had to be removed from the preserve immediately or take a chance on possibly having the hind flu spread to zebras, tigers, or perhaps even the preserves egg-laying hens.

Judge Hoochcoffee determined that the only state where the giraffe carcasses could be disposed of without too much problem would be New Jersey, because of the way New Jersey already smells anyway.

Word out of New Jersey is that Judge Lorenzo "Boom-Boom" Pallavetti has told Judge Hoochcoffee to keep his stinkin' giraffes in California and for the dainty, sissified California people to just learn to live with the stinking nauseating smell the way that the citizens of New Jersey have learned to do.

In other news. reports that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has invited North Carolina Senator John Edwards to take a little 'booty trip' down to Argentina with him are being denied by both the Edwards camp and the Sanford camp. No word as yet from the Campfire Girls camp.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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