Cambridge - (Decibels): Women students on classic Maria Sharapova grunting research scholarships are dismayed at draconian new rules imposed today.
These limit the amount of permitted coital shrieking, yelling, pleading and goading during curfew hours of midnight to 7am.
The move comes amid concerns that climax noise is disturbing less libidinous sorority houses who mostly make do with mechanical aids such as vibrators instead of full-blown shagging partners.
Department of Environment inspectors spent four gruelling years listening in to Newnham College students in a bid to monitor the heinous disturbance to the local male psyche.
Over 1,000 hours of recordings were made to satisfy EU noise control standards officers who mostly volunteered for the onerous monitoring task.
The results of their findings are expected to be posted on the YouBoob! channel later this month.