ASPEN, Colorado - Charlie Sheen's attorney Gulliver Altoona has informed his client that things are not looking too good for him.
Altoona told Sheen that the state of Colorado has informed him that they are sick and tired of all of these Left Coast sissyboys traveling to Colorado and acting like they own the place.
Sheen's lawyer was told by a highly reputable source that a lot of the state is actually owned by San Antonio Spurs Coach Greg Popovich.
The star of the TV sit-com Two And A Half Men was told in writing by Colorado Judge Ashburn B. Bibberbell not to get to comfy in California because he may just find himself moving to Colorado and becoming a resident of one of Colorado's many prisons.
Sheen's problems first began this past Christmas Day when he was charged with allegedly assaulting his wife, Brooke Mueller.
Brooke revealed to Colorado police officers that Charlie hit her on her ankle with his Rolex watch. He also called her horrible names, like bitch, whore, Queen Latifah, and GOPer.
So far Sheen has been charged with several counts including felonious snowman menacing, misdemeanor snowboarding, robbery of a snowmobile, criminal mischief with intent to chop down a 90-foot tall aspen tree, assault with an EverReady battery, and reckless endangerment of a Colorado black bear.
After Colorado authorities talked to Mr. Sheen's two cellmates Dontell Washington and Rafer Washington (no relation) the state has added a new charge to his previous charges.
This new charge states that Sheen, while in Colorado, on a vacation, also had in is possession a box of imported illegal Cuban cigars which he did share with his two cellmates when the Washingtons threatened to turn him into Mrs. Charlie Sheen.
SIDENOTE: It is no secret that Mr. and Mrs. Charlie Sheen have not gotten along for a long time. Just this past year the marriage magazine Do You named the Sheen's "America's Most Fickle Couple of 2009."
