Tea Banned in all British Prisons
Since smoking was banned in England's prisons the incarcerated smokers have been looking for alternatives to tobacco which has been removed from prison shops. Warders have been offering the nicotine addicted cons cigarettes in exchange for giving...
Read full storyCons Teach Warders to Read at Yorkshire Jail
In an amazing turn around, Spoof News learns that prisoners at Yorkshire's HMP Wakefield are holding classes to teach warders to read. A recent Government enquiry focused on the illiteracy rate of England's prison warders, many of who cannot fill...
Read full storyWarder Arrested in Holloway Babies Scandal
Security at London's Holloway Prison was tightened after it emerged that a prisoner was suing the prison after being given Paracetamol for her pregnancy. An internal enquiry was launched to find out how babies were getting into the prison. Toda...
Read full storyIs LeAnn Rimes' Boyfriend Eddie Cibrian Cheating On Her With His Ex-Wife Brandi Glanville
MEMPHIS - Eddie Cibrian, who cheated on his wife Brandi Glanville, with country crooner LeAnn Rimes, has now turned the tables on the "Redneck" Rimes and could be cheating on her with his ex-wife Brandi Glanville. It is apparent to close friends o...
Read full storyMichelle Blows $1M Nobel Prize Stipend in 4 Day Spain Jaunt! Now THAT'S Redistribution of Wealth!
"Easy come, easy go," said designer draped first lady Michelle Obama, as she casually blew off her recent 4 day trip to Marabella, Spain with 50 of her entourage which erased her husband's recent windfall Nobel Prize stipend! According to DC insi...
Read full storyA Country Mourns, David Camerons Hair Has Dyed
The Country was grieving this morning when it was reported that the Prime Ministers hair had dyed during the night. Privi Coiffeur, Len Mincing was distraught. "Oh! I tried to tell her not to put the dye in, but would she listen?! I said, look...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie says daughter Shiloh "wants to be a boy". Chaz Bono refuses to comment
NUTSVILLE, USA: Some say she looks like her dad Brad Pitt. Others see an uncanny resemblance to grandpa Jon Voight. Regardless of which side she resembles one thing is clear. Brad and Angelina's 4-year old daughter Shiloh appears to have a mind...
Read full storyRoy Horn Of Siegfried & Roy Accused Of Sexually Harassing Male Employees!
Several videos have been discovered that shows entertainer Roy Horn, of Siegfried & Roy, fondling the privates of males that worked for them in their show in Las Vegas! Apparently a rumor to that effect had been going on for some time, before...
Read full storyChupagringos, Alien Winged Humanoids and Nuestrodummy's Prophecy
It finally happened! While the United States military was busy fighting wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela and Somalia. The prophecy of the" Reconquista" of Arizona by Mexico became a reality last week. This event was predicted b...
Read full storyLiverpool's Slow Boat to China
Exultant Liverpool fans are busy learning the words of the team's new theme song: 'A Slow Boat to China' so they can tell their Chinese owners 'what you mean to me.' Steven Gerrard told me on a crackling line from Canton that he couldn't be happie...
Read full storyKaty Perry Tells Russell Brand To Stop His Cussing Or Else She'll Break Off Their Engagement
SOHO, England - The girl who sang the hit song "I Kissed A Girl" has reportedly told her fiance Russell "The Vulgarian" Brand that he had better stop his 24/7 cussing or else she will call off their marriage. Perry said that she grew up in a very...
Read full storyThe Onanists Guide To Life
Hello, My name is Hans Jeob. I have been an Onanist for many years and this is my guide to maintaining your lifstyle without going blind or to prison. THE BASICS: Where ever one may wake up, always ensure you have a sock hidden under the pillow. This little gem, will save one having to explain small stains on bedding after an "Episode". It will also ensure a sudden invasion can be explai...
Read full storyH&R Block Becomes First Corporation To Attempt Suicide, After IRS Discontinues RAL Debt Indicator.
H&R Block, Inc. is resting comfortably in a Kansas City, MO hospital after attempting to leap to its death, following a stunning move that may cripple the Refund Anticipation Loan (RAL) business: The Internal Revenue Service today announced that...
Read full storyRead this Spoof and Get a Dollar
Spoof writer BurgeoningIndustry has an ingenious business plan based on the saying 'you have to spend money to make money', that he believes will make him millions. Investors all agree that money doesn't grow on carrot trees, and that gold at the en...
Read full storyBarcelona Kidnap Cesc Fabregas!
Spanish drama Queens Barcelona have upped their bid to sign the Gunners' captain Cesc Fabregas. the funny looking 23 year old Spaniard left Barcelona at the age of 15 when they decided he was a waste of space and was upsetting their superstar atmosph...
Read full storyPakistan Flood Aid Appeal 'Likely To Receive Lukewarm Reception' Say Analysts
As aid agencies worldwide prepare for a barrage of charitable appeals to help beleaguered floodbound farmers in northern Pakistan and the Punjab region, analysts warned that people shouldn't hold their collective breaths in anticipation of an overwhe...
Read full storyThis Thing Makes Noises
This thing makes noises when I press the butty-boos. Beep beep. Meep meep. Dangle-langel-loo. Turn that key? I cannot. I have no hands. I have little pigs trotters. Oink oink. I sit at the back of Mammy pigs cart and pretend to be Farmer Tom. I wave at the cows and the sheep and say "Toodle-oo". They wave back with their tails and sing a happy tune. The fools. If only they...
Read full storyIt's the U S of Gay!
Slebs in California were out en masse today celebrating the breaking news that Proposition 8 has been abolished and same sex marriage is now legal. In the country where the question "Do you mind if I bum a fag?" receives a slightly different react...
Read full storyMore breaking news! Supermodel Naomi Campbell pulls off wig & throws it at judge while testifying at War Crimes trial!
THE HAGUE: Naomi Campbell angrily testified that she was unaware that the "dirty little stones" placed on her bed by masked gunmen in the stealth of night were actually diamonds. She said she didn't recognize them as diamonds in the rough because w...
Read full storyAfghanistan War Logs: The Musical
Andrew Lloyd Weber, whose smash hit, Phantom of the Opera, continues to set records on the world's stages, has agreed to compose the musical score for The New York Times best-seller, Afghanistan War Logs. "The material is great," said Weber. "Plus th...
Read full storyWhoopi Goldberg in catfight on "The Today Show" with White House gatecrasher. Says she was only speaking Ebonics, not "f**kin' swearin at the bi**h ho"
AMERICA NO-NEWS TODAY: White House gatecrasher Michele Salahi and Whoopi Goldberg turned their appearance on "The Today Show" into a regular obscenity-laden catfight. In a case of Say what? - Whoopi - who may or may not have been on her regular m...
Read full storyShow Up Naked for Work, Nobody Really Cares Anymore
All you newly-graduated business college graduates, listen up. There is no longer a need to go out and spend a fortune on expensive power suits and dresses in order to look your best at that all-important job interview, if, in fact, you actually do land an all-important job interview. A sharp increase in telecommuting has had an impact on the way most people dress for success. For most, all tha...
Read full storyRussian pianist accused of raping 14 year old boy and he's not even a Catholic!
It seems that not only Catholic priests enjoy a "fiddle" or two with young under aged boys, the sickness has also spread into the world of classical music. The Russian classical pianist, Mikhail Pletnev, unable to control his "dirty" desires rushe...
Read full storyManchester 'Thunder Road'
Just when you thought they were all under sedation one slips under the net. Yes, Ms Teresa May has escaped again and announced yet another classic 'why-bother-to-even-work-it-out-scheme'! With more than a passing nod, or in her case, re-occuring S...
Read full storySpoof Knights Templar To Seek Holy Grail In Winchester On Friday The 13th
Leaked information received by Skoob News Inc appears to suggest that a secretive sub-sect of TheSpoof.com writers is all set do descend on the ancient and historic city of Winchester, on Friday 13th, to seek the Holy Grail. It is thought that the...
Read full storyMan With The World's Smallest Penis Has Erection Problems
Andy "Handy" Doodler, the man with the world's smallest penis says that not only does he have the smallest penis, its not working right. "I accepted Arlene Francis as my wife after seeing all those marriage requests in the mail and we got married...
Read full storyWhere For Art Thou?
'Artist' Kira Ayn Varszegi,34,from the aptly named town of Bristol, Conneticut is putting her sumptuous 42DD breasts to good use - as paint brushes! Kira, smothers them in anything from oils to Hershey chocolate, then sets to work writhing about f...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth 'a zodiac tragedy unfolding in the cosmos'
Ballybollox Castle, Scotland - (Portents): In an ironic twist of fate the first sight to greet HM this morning was a 500ft mushroom cloud crop circle in a Balmoral wheat field that somehow sprang up over night.. The apparition seems to depict the...
Read full storyCarrots to be reclassified as a Class C Substance
The ConDem government are to reclassify carrots as a Class C Substance after recent research highlighted their euphoric properties when smoked. "Although carrots are extremely tricky to light," said science spokesperson, Niacin Folate, "once they...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Stuffing Factory Open Day
The Isle of Wight Sage and Onion Stuffing Factory in Cowes is to have an open day next Wednesday (the 12th) to celebrate getting it's grand re-opening the Thursday after (the 5th). Island residents remember the day of the catastrophic fire that nearl...
Read full story'Jesus Wept!' crop circles are just a cosmic bead curtain design say locals
Hungerford - (Cereal Hoax News): A cereal parody of a notorious Vatican hoax? Religious nutters were going into raptures today as two 'Jesus' crop circles sprang up beside the M4 in Berkshire. The wheat field etchings were immediately hailed by...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Ryde Flag Stolen
The Union Jack flag that has been flying over Ryde bowling and coarse fishing club in Ryde has been stolen, with police investigating. "The flag was there on Monday when I lowered it to half-mast for old Jim Halfway, RIP," said groundsman Doug All...
Read full story97 UK descendants of clone cow
London - (Reuterus & Mad Cow Disease Mess): A one-woman walking crime wave is how every security/intelligence agency around the world has dubbed her. "And now the putrid meat of her bloody relatives has totally contaminated the food chain!" d...
Read full storySuBo fanatics create SuBo clone!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they have successfully cloned SuBo. "We managed to grab some of her hair when we lunged at her in New York," confirmed a fanatic. "Our mad scientists have been working non-s...
Read full storyShock: Bill Cosby "I'm Not Dead" Revelation.
Bill Cosby, star of 80's hit sitcom 'The Cosby Show', refuses to admit he is dead. The comedian has twice this year come under extreme pressure to admit that he has passed away. Twitter readers are convinced he has, due to several postings confirm...
Read full storyPolitical Shocker - John McCain to wed Taylor Swift!
WASHINGTON DC (ABSNN) -- In a shocker of a press release, Seantor John McCain (R) AZ, revealed today that he and country music songbird Taylor Swift will marry this coming October, just prior to the Arizona election that will determine if McCain will...
Read full storyCompulsory sex lessons for adult French males
After a series of horrendous infanticide cases, President Nicolas Sarkozy's government is to start giving sex lessons to all France's adult males. The lessons, which will be compulsory for all males aged between 20 and 80, are to be held in specia...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Divorce Inevitable
Although Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart aren't even married, odds makers are placing bets that if they were married, they would already have been divorced by now. Said one bookmaker in Las Vegas, "I know it's hard to get your head wrapped ar...
Read full storyThe World Cup Match They Never Told You About!
Have any of you football fans ever wondered what would happen if a knockout match were to be drawn, went to extra time, and then penalties or a Golden Goal ending, and still couldn't be settled? Well, wonder no more! I can now exclusively reveal...
Read full storyGround Zero Mosque Given Go-Ahead By Mayor Bloomberg
A giant Muslim mosque that is scheduled to be built at Ground Zero, that area of New York where the World Trade Center once stood, has been given the blessing of the city's mayor, Michael Bloomberg, who is obviously a bit mad. Critics have said th...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent: Prince Poppycock and Murray The Magician Make It - Doogie Horner and Mary Ellen Head On Back Home
HOLLYWOOD - The America's Got Talent Judges, Piers "The British Bloke" Morgan, Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne, and Howie "The Germophobic" Mandel are getting better at picking the contestants who will be moving on in the AGT competition. All three tol...
Read full storyWHO Declares Postorgasmic Illness Syndrome "#1 Threat Against Humanity, Boner-wise."
The World Health Organization, the branch of the United Nations that mismanaged SARS, malaria, tuberculosis, swine flu, and AIDS on a global scale, has declared that Post-Orgasmic Illness Syndrome to be the single-greatest threat to the boner-wieldin...
Read full storyJustin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Brenda Song Star in "The Teenage Hotties Vs. The Zombies of Hollywood Hills
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The Lighthouse Motion Picture Company in association with Cripple Creek Pictures has announced the filming of Benigno Montemarciano's latest motion picture in his "The Teenage Hotties" series. The film entitled, The Teenage Hotti...
Read full storyRemoving Warren Buffett and Bill Gates from My List of Spoofables
So far, in the little over a year that I've been writing satire, I've only pulled one story, a tasteless piece about Burt Reynolds. I just didn't have the heart. Now I'm making a conscious effort not to spoof two more people no matter what news stories break around them. Why? Because these two billionaires have done what I never thought I'd see in my lifetime. Besides making it their priority t...
Read full storyTiger Woods Faces Threat To Number 1 Ranking
World number one golfer Tiger Woods will face two challenges to his ranking when he defends his WGC-Bridgestone Invitational in Ohio this Thursday. Phil Mickelson will replace Woods in the 'top spot' with a victory, or a top-four finish if Woods w...
Read full storyNevada Republican Senate Candidate Pimping Herself to the Media
Sharron Angle, the Republican candidate running against Harry Reid for a Senate seat in November has an angle alright. She has come right out and told the media that she's willing to show up on their show to talk about her campaign only if she can supply them with questions to ask her and only if she can openly ask for money for her campaign on the air. "What's wrong with that?" asked Angle whe...
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