Written by IainB

Thursday, 5 August 2010

image for Carrots to be reclassified as a Class C Substance
Sleep loss is just one of the side effects

The ConDem government are to reclassify carrots as a Class C Substance after recent research highlighted their euphoric properties when smoked.

"Although carrots are extremely tricky to light," said science spokesperson, Niacin Folate, "once they have got going they produce a high hallucinogenic high that is highly addictive."

Carrot smokers, or Blinkers as they are known among themselves, can be recognised by their slightly orange skin-tone and orange rimmed eyes. The only way to prove 'Blinking' is to examine the urine, which becomes vivid orange with excessive use.

"We believe that smoking carrots causes short term memory loss," said Folate. "Along with sleep deprivation, a loss of appetite and short term memory loss."

The problem initially came to light when it became clear that supermarkets were selling carrots as fast as they could be stocked on the shelves, leading to many supermarkets across the country to run out, even of the Organic Carrots.

"We urge young people not to take up Blinking," said Folate. "Although a week's supply of carrots can be purchased for as little as ninety pence, making this an inexpensive habit, the long term affects are unknown at this time, and the come down is harsh."

The reclassification of carrots has meant that supermarkets will no longer be able to sell carrots, instead they will be available from the pharmacy on prescription, where they will be sold to those with proof of age.

"We also plan on handing out leaflets on safely coming off carrots, using a broccoli placebo," said Folate.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Drugs, carrots

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