Tiger Woods Faces Threat To Number 1 Ranking

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 5 August 2010


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He needs this to remain at the top of the world rankings. That is, so long as Woods doesn't finish higher than 171st

World number one golfer Tiger Woods will face two challenges to his ranking when he defends his WGC-Bridgestone Invitational in Ohio this Thursday.

Phil Mickelson will replace Woods in the 'top spot' with a victory, or a top-four finish if Woods were to finish outside the top 37.

Lee Westwood, a runner-up in two majors in 2010, could reach number one if he wins and Woods is outside the top two.

The Sheffield player could also take top spot if he is second, Woods is worse than ninth and Mickelson does not take the title.

However, if Westwood finishes second, Woods is ninth, and Mickleson breaks his putter over the head of his caddy, there will be an almighty confusion at the top of golf's world rankings.

And then again, if Westwood finishes third, with Woods and the left-handed Mickleson placed in 41st and 58th respectively, all three could be surpassed by an as yet unidentified 'mystery fourth golfer' who has not thus far figured in this story.

Speculation as to who this 'mystery golfer' could be has been rife, but it's almost certain that the player isn't the 1969 Open Championship winner Tony Jacklin.

Tiger Woods has been the world number one for five years, but is yet to win this season in seven attempts, after returning from a five-month absence following a severe bout of philandering.

He wants to keep his cock in his trousers, if you ask me.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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