The World Cup Match They Never Told You About!

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 5 August 2010

image for The World Cup Match They Never Told You About!
Football's rubbish!

Have any of you football fans ever wondered what would happen if a knockout match were to be drawn, went to extra time, and then penalties or a Golden Goal ending, and still couldn't be settled?

Well, wonder no more! I can now exclusively reveal details of a game that did just that, and is still going on today!

The World Cup pre-qualifying match between two little-known African states - Upper and Lower Zambeki - originally kicked off in September 2007 on a pitch marked out by lines drawn in the sand, with spears for goalposts.

Both sides fought tooth-and-nail to gain the upper hand, but, in an extremely fair game where no quarter was either asked nor given, the teams finished level at 0-0, and the players lined up for extra time.

After 30 more minutes of intriguing play, the contest remained scoreless, and a decision was reached to resolve the result by penalties. A penalty spot was hastily fashioned by pouring a litre of pigs' blood at the approximate position, and kicks commenced.

Both sides scored with their first penalties, and then Upper Zambeki gained a slight advantage by scoring their second, whilst Shadrach Umdingo of Lower Zambeki put his shot way over where the crossbar would have been if one had been used. Parity was restored, however, when Upper Zambeki captain Rastus O'Rastus (half-Irish) blazed wide with his team's third spotkick, and their rivals winger Kenneth Umwanga headed home.

Since then, both sides have scored every single penalty, not least because the respective goalkeepers have returned to their regular daytime jobs as game poachers.

The current score is 3,178 apiece. The eventual winners, if there are any, will play Eastern Bongo-Bongoland for a place in the last 256 of the East Africa Zone C elimination section for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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