Written by Piglet

Thursday, 5 August 2010

image for This Thing Makes Noises
But it does not go Oink oink

This thing makes noises when I press the butty-boos.

Beep beep.
Meep meep.

Turn that key?
I cannot. I have no hands. I have little pigs trotters.

Oink oink.

I sit at the back of Mammy pigs cart and pretend to be Farmer Tom.
I wave at the cows and the sheep and say "Toodle-oo".

They wave back with their tails and sing a happy tune.

The fools.
If only they knew what they are being bred for.

Further down the yard, I spot Mister Dog the dog wagging his tail.
"Hello, Mister Dog", I say, "Doing anything nice today?"

Bark bark.

The fool.
If only he knew that the cat secretly sleeps in his bed.

And so I carry on pushing the buttons with my trotters and saying hello to all the animals.

"Good afternoon, Missus Chicken", I wave. "Lovely day for a picnic".

The fool.
If only she knew that her children were in the farmer's sandwich.

The inevitability of action forces us to inaction.
Secret codes are written on my wellys.
I never drink and drive.
I'll buy a birthday card on the drive back to the swamp.

Oink oink.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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