Shitty Article Numero Uno
In this follow up I tracked down a KKK member and interviewed him. The results were mind-blowing. Continue if you want to be re-assured of how right I was in the previous article. If you haven't read it, read it now. And obviously you then HAVE to watch some porn in between. SO here it is! The Interview. Me: Alright, so lets get started. Me: Was anyone in your family in the KKK before you jo...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja's TYRANNICIDE (The Story of the Second American Revolution) Ch.1-3
NB-America has lost its way and we'll never find it again without a revolution, maybe something along the lines of what I propose in TYRANNICIDE where a first-rate scheme is outlined that cannot fail to impress politicians nationwide. Here are two dandy reviews by a pair of very discerning and intelligent reviewers. 5.0 out of 5 stars Recommended by habeas corruptus & Robert Steele,...
Read full storyElton John Challenges Chris Grayling To A Singing Contest - The Loser Has To Move To San Francisco
LONDON - Sir Elton John saying that he has just about had his fill of Chris Grayling and his anti-gay rantings has challenged Lord Graybloke, as Sir Elton calls him, to a singing match. He went on to say that the loser of the singing contest has t...
Read full storySir Paul McCartney: Kerry Katona Will Once Again Perform In Atomic Kitten
LONDON - Sir Paul McCartney was sitting in The Bloomin' Bee's Knees Blue Brass Pub in Bromley when he was asked about the rumor that Kerry Katona will be rejoining the all-girl trio Atomic Kitten. Macca, who is good friends with Katona, put down h...
Read full storyiPad Blamed for Job Loss of Keyboards, Protest Planned
Three traditional computer keyboards addressed an amazed group of visitors at the Javits Convention Center in New York City yesterday. The keyboards told the crowd that, since the introduction of the Apple iPad (a tablet computer that allows commun...
Read full storyIs it because Dawn French sh*gged Susan Boyle?
London - (I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Mess): The lardarse comedienne apparently went bananas after just one whiff of SuBo's pheromones turned 25 years' conjugal fidelity into a Last Tango In Paris dirty weekend. And in a statement issued by h...
Read full storyKing David Annoyed With Duke-Butler, David-Goliath Analogies
INDIANAPOLIS - A visibly irritated King David broke a 3,000 year silence in a post-game press conference yesterday to blast U.S. media outlets for comparing Monday's NCAA championship game with his epic battle with Philistine giant Goliath. The ga...
Read full storyRoyal Freak Hospital shut as Tsar Bomba nuclear device found in plant room
London - (Meltdown): The atomic device is believed to have been hardwired into the North London hospital's foundations circa 1974 by KGB bastards squatting in Michael Foot's potting shed. The 5 megaton AN602 hydrogen bomb - nicknamed the Tsar Bomb...
Read full storyNick Jonas College Graduation
Nick Jonas was seen today graduating from the Texan medical school, Docs 'n' Tow, with a degree in heart specialities, for being a well known heart-breaker. Nick who has caused broken-heartedness for Miley Cyrus and recently (Again) for Selena Gom...
Read full storyTiger Reshafts Driver: Pole Vaults Over Field Of Ho's
Golf technicians at Augusta reshafted Tiger Wood's driver after he complained that its head seemed a little loose and that he wasn't able to control the trajectory of his balls off the tee as well as usual. With possibly as many as 14 to 15 of his...
Read full storyIt started with a Miss never thought it would come to this.
Dart Player David Cameron was involved in a darts match at his local pub the Drunken Duck which got totally out of hand. Firstly lets make it clear that this David Cameron is no relation to that other David Cameron that looks like he is going to be n...
Read full storyInternet is a cesspool of misinformation
Unlike the printed word in serious newspapers the Internet is rife with false information that deliberately misleads the public. Elvis is dead is often proven wrong when the King is sighted at Denny's in Fargo. How can a person know what they are r...
Read full storyIt started with a P*ss never thought it would come to this
Gordon Brown was out on Saturday night for his stag night with family and friends and had rather to much to drink in fact he was totally pissed. This Gordon Brown hates politicians and is absolutely no relation to that other Gordon Brown that is or w...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Jake Pavelka's Future Wife Vienna Jealous of Chelsie Hightower
HOLLYWOOD - Vienna Girardi, who received the final rose on The Bachelor, and is slated to become Mrs. Jake Pavelka sometime in the future has revealed to her BFF that she is jealous of Jake dancing with Chelsie Hightower on the hit dancing show Danci...
Read full storySuBo fanatic injured
The new chief fanatic of the Susan Boyle red scarf wearing loonie brigade alleged fansite was last night hospitalised after sustaining a back injury. "I was attempting to take our ever-expanding rule book out of storage to check a few rules, when...
Read full storyThe Celebrity Apprentice: Muggles and Wizards, Fuggles and Gizzards, Gov. Blagojevich Goes Poof!
NEW YORK CITY - And with a poof and puff puff of some magic Harry Potter dust, Celebrity Apprentice contestant and former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich got his political butt sent back to the Windy City of Chicago. The gov was chosen to be...
Read full storyWorld Cup in danger as "Boer" Eugene Terreblanche is "topped" by black farmers boys!
Loveable "Boer" Eugene Terreblanche and leader of the AWB (Afrikaans White Boys party) was murdered by two black farmer boys last Saturday and this event has caused massive doubts about the World Cup being held in "Zuid Afrika"! Mr or Mijnheer Ter...
Read full storyThe Name' s Bond... Jesus Bond!
Under the Freedom of information act, top-secret papers have been uncovered at the National Archives Office in London revealing that the 'perfect spy' should be plain-looking, 5'7" or 5'8" tall and have exceptional hearing. He (they were sexist in t...
Read full storyIt's "Brown trousers" time as Brown calls election
Gordon Brown today called for a general election to be held on the 6th of May so that people can choose a new PM - or possibly not. It is believed to be the first time that the people of Britain (or "scum" as they are more commonly known) have bee...
Read full storyUFO'S Spotted Over Phoenix
There has been Mass sightings across the globe of flying saucers, ET'S and glowing spheres, there has also been a sharp increase in crop circles, and with the year 2012 just around the corner people across the globe are asking for answers to this eve...
Read full storyThe UK General Election explained
What it isn't. It does not take place every four years in the middle of any month. It is planned but the PM keeps that a secret, even from the Queen. It occurs, when the incumbent Prime Minister decides he's had his chips or someone else decides f...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart say It started with a kiss
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart say "It started with a kiss never thought it would come to this". After a kiss while making the Movie Twilight,then the phenomenal success of the Movie,Pattinson & Stewart are just about the hottest prop...
Read full storyRumors of A 2009 Sandra Bullock Sax Tape Surface
WEST HOLLYWOOD - In a brand new revelation regarding the "TattooGate" saga, now comes word out of West Hollywood of the existence of a sax tape starring Sandra Bullock. The sax tape purports to show the Academy Award winner for Best Actress playin...
Read full storyUK Braced for a Million Ex-Pats Flooding Back Into the Country
The UK is preparing its Karaoke machines for the return of millions of lazy fat bastards who left the UK when Labour came to power, and Robbie Williams was number one. Thousands of selfish spongers sold their council houses and left the UK back in...
Read full storyObama Not Afraid Of Biological Or Chemical Attacks As Long As He Is Safe
President Obama explicitly committed not to use nuclear weapons against nations who inexplicitly use biological or chemical weapons to obliterate the United States, as long as these nations are in compliance with the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty.
Read full storyObama Announces Plan to Pay for Mega Heathcare Package
In a move applauded by all social reformers President Barrack Obama announced his plan to pay for the massive health care reforms as well as address the moral decay of the country. Beginning 1-1-2011 all news, internet, and television programming...
Read full storyTwo Women Detained for Bringing Dead Body on Plane
In a stunning event at JFK airport two women were detained for having brought a dead body on a return flight to London. Details are just emerging but apparently the suspects were on their way back from a weekend house in Hampton Beach owned by the co...
Read full storyDWTS Judge Calls Kate "Super Bitch from Hell"
Finally, someone gets it. Kate Gosselin is in her element when she is portraying a bitch. That is when her natural talent shines. On the last episode of Dancing with the Stars, Judge Bruno Tonioli stated that she actually came out on stage as "the su...
Read full storyAirline say its not easy to smuggle dead relatives on board
SimpleJet the well known airline say it is not easy to smuggle dead relatives on board their airlines. This comes after two women were arrested at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport, trying to get a dead relative on board a flight to Berlin. SimpleJ...
Read full storyJordan fooled by Alien prank
A Jordanian mayor has issued a jihad against the editor of his local newspaper for making him look silly. The mothy, rag headed mayor believed the reports of 3 meter aliens arriving to help them defeat the West! "I truly believed Allah had sent t...
Read full storyAfrican Arms Manufactures Excited with Obama's Rearmament Plans!
Fledgling ams manufacturers in Kenya, Zimbabwe, Nigeria and South Africa see a 'Huge Stimulus" coming as Obama pledges to revamp the American Military with less deadly but more cost efficient tools in a new PR campaign called "Get High On America...
Read full storyDead Man Nearly Boards Plane
A man thought to have been dead for at least 24 hours today tried to board a plane at Liverpool airport. Curt Willi Jarrent made it as far as duty free where his wife tried to claim his tax free cigarette allowance. "I asked him where he was trav...
Read full storyClimate boffins admit cock up!
The truth is finally out after climate scientists admit they got it wrong. With the build up of ice around the planet it now seems we have 'cooled' down too much and could now be facing an ice age! "Yes, yes we got it partially wrong, if we carry...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Unveils Conservative Election Slogan
The Conservative Party leader issued a solid declaration of intent to not only win the forthcoming General Election, but to win it with a crushing overall majority as he released the party election slogan - "Erm..." "How's that for a battle cry!"...
Read full storyDavid Cameron says this is who I was born to be
Hairbrush Dave has stolen a Susan Boyle song and made it his own. My number one priority is number one he smirked. My number two, three, four ad infinitum priorities are number one. It's all about me, this is who I was born to be he scowled. Susan...
Read full storyCarlos Tevez To Move Back To Man United
In one of the most stunning, not to mention, bizarre turns in the world of football, Argentinian striker Carlos Tevez announced that he was quitting Manchester City and going back to Manchester United. Tevez left United fans incensed when he left...
Read full storyNewcastle United Could Be Denied Promotion Over Technicality
The celebrations in the Bigg Market as Newcastle United apparently bounced back into the Premier League may prove to be premature thanks to an obscure 1997 clause which could see the Magpies have 20 points deducted from their season's total, thus den...
Read full storyJustin Bieber's voice breaks
This is a day that many innocent people of the world have been waiting for. God has finally seen it in his heart to have mercy upon our poor souls. Justin Drew Bieber, 16, of Ontario, Canada has finally had his voice broken. His reign of terror c...
Read full story"Moose On The Loose" as Herd of Topless Maine Women Protest 'Discrimination' By Taking Off Flannel Shirts!
Maine Wild Life Officers were put on full alert after a rampaging herd of topless Maine women stampeded through the renovated downtown port city of Portland in a protest called "udderly ridiculous" by representatives of the Fraternal Order of the Mo...
Read full storyNew Data Storage Technology Leads To Riot
Researchers from several universities had today released the results of a three-year study into human forms of communication. In it, they claimed to have discovered a new means of both exchanging thoughts and ideas, but also storage of the same for l...
Read full storyThe Smile of the Mona Lisa but the face of Whistlers Mother
Susan Boyle who is known as a singer has been comparing herself to Whistlers Mother, the oil painting which was done by the American born painter James McNeill Whistler in London in 1871. He must have had the worlds ugliest Mother mind you that Gordo...
Read full storyGo Compare the Confused Market
A comparison war has broken out between the three main comparison web sites Go Compare, Compare the Market and Confused.web. The three sites have always had the world's worst adverts in an attempt to capture the lucrative share of the comparison m...
Read full storyKatie Price: Who's Gordon Brown Think He Is?
Katie Price was positively glowing with rage earlier as she learned her global master-plan may be in jeopardy. Speaking at her daily Price conference Katie started out by telling reporters that she plans to launch a new range of marriage guidance...
Read full storyThe Queen Says No
Our esteemed leader, Gordon Brown, has visited The Queen to ask for the dissolution of Parliament ahead of the General Election, but she has flatly refused. Appearing briefly outside Buckingham Palace a flushed Gordon told reporters, "I will be co...
Read full storyFrank Bruno To Fight Frank Lampard In Dubai
It's just been confirmed that Frank Bruno, former heavyweight champion, is to come out of retirement to fight Chelsea midfield star Frank Lampard in Dubai. The fight is being billed as a tribute to the late BBC boxing commentator Harry Carpenter, who...
Read full storyLeave Alex Alone! - Warns Katie Price
A furious Katie Price today warned her knockers to leave Alex Reid alone after a flood of stories surfaced claiming that the cage dressing cross fighter was having a spot of bother inseminating his wife. Katie Price told a gathering of hardened re...
Read full storyTiger Woods Falls Foul Of Augusta Pranksters
Reformed sex addict Tiger Woods takes to the golf course again today in the Augusta Masters Tournament. It has been a restrained and - some might say overly conservative - Tiger who has appeared in the media so far. His mood seems sombre and tinged w...
Read full storySusan Boyle to get help from Gordon Brown and others choosing the decor for her new home
Gordon Brown is set to meet with Susan Boyle to discuss her upcoming move to her new home. It is reported that he wants to help her with her decorating ideas. His cousin, well known comedian, Chubby Brown will be accompanying Gordon as will Murph...
Read full storyMan Rushes Into Office Killing Many
Moe Darcher, age 27 and a Call Of Duty fanatic stormed into a small office building down the street from his upstate New York house. He had an Ak-47, two desert eagles, and two grenades. He killed everyone he saw, and the total number of bodies found...
Read full storyTwenty Fifth High School Reunion, a Great Success
New York NY: After a quarter of a century a number of usually busy Liberty High School alumni decided to go to their first ever high school reunion. There was much "meeting and greeting" as groups of middle-aged people recognized each other and ta...
Read full storyErykah Badu Evolving In A Window Seat
No doubt about it, Erykah Badu is Evolving. And not only that, she is Evolving in a Window Seat. Which is no mean feat. Researchers have indicated that it's far easier to evolve in an aisle seat, because then you can stretch your legs out. Especia...
Read full storySpoof Authors Urged to Recycle & Save The Planet
Following a landmark Supreme Court ruling, the APA (Anecdotal Protection Agency) has declared that satire is a literary pollutant, and will introduce satirical quotas for all authors and large publishers. The presenter of the popular satirical tel...
Read full storyFirst Marijuana Café Chain Opens in US
Portland, OR - The first official chain of marijuana cafés offering medical marijuana in the United States have opened in the Portland, Oregon area. Going by the name of Zig-Zag Comfort Cafés, each of the three locations features breakfast, lunch, an...
Read full storySusan Boyle's Arse Is No Laughing Matter
What started out as a sick internet joke on a sick internet website aimed at sick individuals with a twisted sense of humour threatened to spiral completely out of control overnight as Susan Boyle fans all over the world temporarily took leave of the...
Read full storyFox Employee Threatens Suit over Boss' Excessive Flatulence
A former Fox News employee is threatening to file a lawsuit in New York District Court against News Corp, the parent company of Fox News Channel, and Fox News President, Roger Ailes, claiming that she was wrongfully terminated when she told the HR ma...
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