Researchers from several universities had today released the results of a three-year study into human forms of communication. In it, they claimed to have discovered a new means of both exchanging thoughts and ideas, but also storage of the same for long periods of time.
Speaking from her office at Oak Pollen University, Professor Liz Qwyzz addressed members of the press. "Most all the various forms of our information and data storage media are critically unreliable. Vast amounts can be made inaccessible, if not lost altogether, to something as simple as a power outage."
After a 30-minute break during which reporters were tenderized with good food and strong drink, Chinese physicist, Yuan Hung Lo, arrived in person and demonstrated the use of new record keeping devices.
"We call it 'paper' and when combined with a simple, hand-held recording device that we have named a 'pencil', information can be recorded, erased or saved for long periods of time. In fact, when properly stored, paper can keep information for years or even centuries and it can be easily accessed without the need of any kind of electronic bridge or, as it were, a crutch."
Also attending via CCTV was Fredrick Faust, a long time skeptic and devout opponent of anything other than electronic communications. Following the meeting, he offered a few thoughts of his own. "We simply cannot expect an entire society to learn to communicate in this way. The mere idea of having to manually enter information on this so-called 'paper', is absolutely dreadful."
Dr. Faust then went on to detail some of the hazards that come with certain kinds of new technology. "Children could eventually be forced to learn how to write and then too, be capable of reading. Worse still, this could all lead down the slippery slope to direct speech and then, person-to-person interaction!"
Gasps were heard in the crowd as he articulated the dangers. "Can you imagine seeing people talking to each other on a personal one-to-one basis, in public even, and without the aid of a digital device?"
The group of reporters soon became unruly and a mob scene ensued as the paper and pencils on display were burned in a bonfire. Police were called to observe from a distance and texted the various participants to peacefully disperse before their cell accounts were suspended.
