Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

image for Sir Paul McCartney: Kerry Katona Will Once Again Perform In Atomic Kitten
Sir Paul McCartney will embark on his Macca Mecca Tour of 2010 in August.

LONDON - Sir Paul McCartney was sitting in The Bloomin' Bee's Knees Blue Brass Pub in Bromley when he was asked about the rumor that Kerry Katona will be rejoining the all-girl trio Atomic Kitten.

Macca, who is good friends with Katona, put down his glass of Frantic Atlantic and said that it is not a rumor but the absolute truth.

The former Beatle said that he convinced Kerry and the two other AK members Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon to regroup and go out on tour with him in August.

Atomic Kitten managed to sell 10 million records world wide. They had three number one hits including "Well It Looks Like It's Whole Again Innit," "The Nocturnal Flame In Me Heart Has Been Snuffed By Siggers Saladshire," and "Me Thigh Highs Is Showin Some Runs They Are."

Katona first met Sir Paul in their home town of Liverpool. He was in town visiting a cousin Susie Rigby and she was there collecting some money that an ex-boyfriend Litwin Stratchclyde owed her.

The two crossed paths and Macca invited Kerry to have a McMuffin at Mickey D's.

They got to talkin' about British things like football, quids, crumpets, Pixie Lott, and English Leather and soon touched on music.

McCartney convinced her that she needed to revive her old band Atomic Kitten so that it could be his opening act on his upcoming concert tour titled, Macca's Mecca Tour of 2010.

Kerry informed Sir Paul that she had recently had some extensive body work done but that she was feeling fine now.

He asked her exactly what body work she had done. She blushed a bit before telling him that she had liposuction to remove about 13 pounds of needless, unadulterated fat.

She also had about a dozen or so stretch marks removed and she had her extremely large droopers (bamboochas) reduced down from an unbelievable 34GG to a somewhat okayable 34DD.

Katona said that all of her bodily procedures were shown on the MTV reality show Whole Again. She told Sir Paul that she would present him with a copy so that he could see the transformation in the privacy of his own mansion.

McCartney said that it would be luvvly-jubbly. She asked him if he didn't think that she was off her trolley for offering him the tape. He laughed and replied "Cor blimey no. Crikey Moses, I am gobsmacked. And I am abso-bloody-lutely looking forward to viewing the tickety boo video I am I is."

In a non-related story. France has just announced that nationwide sales of their 2009 white flag have broken the previous 12 month mark which was set back in 1942.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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