The Name' s Bond... Jesus Bond!

Funny story written by IN SEINE

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

image for The Name' s Bond... Jesus Bond!

Under the Freedom of information act, top-secret papers have been uncovered at the National Archives Office in London revealing that the 'perfect spy' should be plain-looking, 5'7" or 5'8" tall and have exceptional hearing. He (they were sexist in those days!) should also be able to withstand the extreme variations in temperature (i.e. heat should not affect him, nor should freezing conditions) On top of all this... he should be able to stand still for several hours on end.

During World War II, MI5 were finding it difficult to recruit sufficient "watchers" to trail German spies and record their activities without being caught themselves. These watchers should also be masters of disguise and look well at home in the slums. However, the authorities were against employing the use of false moustaches or beards because they could be detected in the high lighting of a restaurant or on a tube train.

Ewan Fleming, author of "The Spy who Loved me to Bits" told In Seine News; " It is such a pity that MI5 did not call for the help of Jesus. Such a model would have suited their needs in every way!". Jesus had a real beard - we are told that he was not particularly attractive - in a 'standout from the crowd sort of way'; he frequented all types of dwellings - especially those that housed mutlitdes of sinners. Jesus was not a snappy dresser either."

"Furthermore, Jesus has been known to turn water into wine, walk on it, and even walked through the doors! Obviously the Jews missed him first time around. So why, given the information, did that MI5 not to recruit Lord?"

Fleming strongly denied that there were any Jewish agents in MI5 at that time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more