The new chief fanatic of the Susan Boyle red scarf wearing loonie brigade alleged fansite was last night hospitalised after sustaining a back injury.
"I was attempting to take our ever-expanding rule book out of storage to check a few rules, when my back suddenly made a loud cracking noise and I fell to the ground. I hadn't realised just how heavy it is now," grumbled Lord Kraptakular The Greatest.
The rule book, now at 17 volumes, stands 4 feet high and weighs in at over 150 lbs.
"You can never have enough rules!" continued Lord Greatest. "I need to add more rules now I'm in charge. Rule 78931 will state that all members must kiss my ass every Monday, or they will be lied about and banned without warning."
The rule book, which is kept under armed guard and not available for public scrutiny, is stored in a deep underground mine. However, this reporter has been able to obtain a copy. The thousands of bizarre rules include Rule 3234 which states "No mention is to be made of any incident in New York which didn't happen. In fact, New York doesn't exist. Any mention of this fictitious place will result in an immediate ban and a visit from The Clappies who will pray for you."
Rule 9827 states "All members must have a rich husband and constantly boast how wealthy they are. Members without money will be ignored, and then banned. This banning can be reversed on payment of $25."
Rule 3212 states "All members must be in possession of a red scarf, and wear it at all times, even in the highly unlikely event that said member is having sexual relations."
Lord Greatest was unfortunately not badly injured, and is expected to start his banning duties again soon.
