What started out as a sick internet joke on a sick internet website aimed at sick individuals with a twisted sense of humour threatened to spiral completely out of control overnight as Susan Boyle fans all over the world temporarily took leave of their senses and global chaos ensued.
The website, liesliesandporkypies.not published a supposedly humorous article wrongly claiming that Susan Boyle had won the Rear Of The Year Award.
Somehow, the "joke" article escaped from the confines of its website and was posted on thousands of websites in dozens of languages.
Initially, SuBo fans were delighted by the 'award' but their delight quickly turned into fury as they realised they'd been had. Overnight events can only be described as cataclysmic, as SuBo fans went on an unprecedented global rampage.
In Seoul, a middle aged woman doused herself in gasoline and threatened to set herself alight, until she was saved from herself by a police snatch squad.
In Melbourne, a rampaging mob of SuBo fans clashed with riot police, while central Moscow became a no-go area as SuBo fans stood their ground in a tense stand-off with police.
In Paris a mob of furious SuBo fans hurled rocks and firebombs as they fought riot police in the suburbs, and in Barcelona, a SuBo fan scaled one of the towers of Gaudi's magnificent Sagrada Familia Cathedral before unfurling a banner in support of SuBo's arse amid fears that the woman would fall.
An exhausted London riot cop told us breathlessly as he trudged off his nightshift that all hell had broken loose and that there really is nothing funny about Susan Boyle's arse.
Piers Morgan was said to be 'distraught' following the night of violence and mayhem.
Susan Boyle's arse is nothing special. In fact it looks a bit saggy sometimes. And wide. As you'd expect with a woman her age. It's certainly not worth dying for.
More as we get it.