San Francisco Gay Zonaphobes Boycott Grand Canyon Glory Hole
Gays in San Francisco have fallen in line with their mayor, Gavin "Any Twosome" Newsom. Earlier this week, Mayor Newsom beseeched his citizens to boycott Arizona as a backlash effort to repay those vile racists for putting into place a new immigrati...
Read full storyA Third Helping of Wit and Wisdom From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
In my other "wit and wisdom" collections, I tried to group things by type and theme. I'm just a plain old lazy ass now and probably ain't gonna organize this (unless the wife bitches at me about it or sumthin'). Yeah, I'm now so old that I've reached the age where I fart dust. I used to post these thoughts as snippets, but Mark (the owner of this here website) tells me that they don't count a...
Read full storyNoah More Popular Than Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart
A surprise internet survey today revealed that Noah - the biblical character who took the animals two by two onto the Ark - is more popular than the Twilight duo of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. It seems that over the last few days, Noah,...
Read full storyAmerican Expatriates in Mexico Feeling Sting of Arizona Law
American baby boomers, flush with money, have been making their way down to Mexico's Baja coast for a decade or more as expatriates trying to escape the high cost of living in the United States. They're doing anything they can to make their retiremen...
Read full storyScarlett Johansson Slaps Gwyenth Paltrow!
Where's Iron Man? Two of his female co-stars are fighting like cats and ...well, cats. First they refused to answer any questions from reporters on what has been going on between them and why the fur then suddenly began flying! Next thing you k...
Read full storyCorrie - It's All Gone A Bit Mad
British TV viewers have been left reeling as things start getting quite a bit mad on top fly-on-the-wall, reality TV show Coronation Street. Poor old Norris Cole is having a 'Misery' moment as he's left stuck in an isolated Bronte country cottage...
Read full story"Queens Day" in Holland passes without incident, just a few sore bums and the Royal walk-about in their own back garden!
After last years feeble attempt to attack the Dutch Royal Family on Queens Day the security around the family was so heavy that the day passed without incident. The other "Queens Day" celebrated parallel to the real thing was also a pretty boring...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Will Use Stand-In In Next Twilight Movie
It was revealed this morning that there will be a body double for Robert Pattinson during the next Twilight movie that will be a little more adult oriented. Famed character actor, Horst Pecard, will be featured in the Pattinson role during a coupl...
Read full storyCheryl Cole - The World's Sexiest Woman Aims For 5'4"
To the casual observer, it must appear that Geordie songbird out of Girls Aloud, the Sexiest Woman In The World, as voted by FHM readers, and successful solo artiste who managed to dump her cheating underpant obssessed husband, the nation's sweethear...
Read full storyGhost housing estates in Ireland are too be offered to homeless Leprichauns and Polish potato pickers!
After the financial bubble burst upon the Emerald Island and everybody done a runner the houses that were built on massive estates are now standing empty. The Irish government in a desperate attempt to fill the houses have come up with a brilliant...
Read full storyN-Dubz Enrol On Flower Arranging Course
Strange reports coming in from Camden College - apparently hard core bad dude rappers Dappy and Fazer out of N-Dubz have enrolled in evening classes - for flower arranging. Not very street, some observers complained, but apparently Dappy and Fazer...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Claims She Was Knocked Up By Alien
Miley Cyrus has revealed to her many fans at a press conference this morning, which included our own Croc Coats, that she is three months preggers and blames it on aliens. "It certainly doesn't belong to my latest boyfriend, what's-his-ass! It was...
Read full storyLabour Win General Election
The Labour party has won the 2010 General Election by a landslide. Gordon Brown, who was expected to suffer a massive and humiliating defeat, has done the impossible and turned the most likely of losses into the most unlikely of victories. Ecstati...
Read full storyJack Tweed's Mates In Night Club Bust Up - Quelle Surprise!
Jack Tweed, famous for marrying the late Jade Goody, wazzing on her leg in CBB and frankly not much else, apart from being acquitted of rape charges, has been feeling the backlash from the public after a group of his friends became involved in a viol...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell's Book, "Madonna was My Love Slave," Banned by Bookstores
Rosie O'Donnell's new book, "Madonna was My Love Slave" is causing quite a stir even before it hits the bookstores on Tuesday. Already, it has been banned by several big bookstores, which just goes to show how juicy this book must be. This book doesn...
Read full storyLebanon - Barbaric killing of murder suspect
Lebanese officials are investigating the lynching of an Egyptian man in a small village in the country. Mohammed Muslem, a 38-year-old Egyptian reportedly working as a butcher in Ketermaya village, had allegedly confessed to shooting and killing a...
Read full storyRafa Benitez Spotted At Liverpool Job Centre
We had a call this morning from soccer mad Scouser and Kop season ticket holder Mickey McWhack, who told us that he'd seen reds boss Rafa Benitez mooching about in a Liverpool job centre this morning. Speaking from a city rocked to its foundations...
Read full storyLady Gaga Nude Pics Ignite Furious Debate
When professional snapper Mario Tostino unveiled the results of his "best possible taste" naked photo shoot with pop diva/fashion icon Lady Gaga he could hardly have imagined the international uproar that would ensue. Gaga, apparently pictured wea...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Developing Children's Show on Fox
In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids' show featuring Glenn Beck, ala Dick Dastardly-style, complete with pencil-thin handlebar musta...
Read full storyRoswell debate reignited in Australia
UFO study groups are today claiming there's been a second 'Roswell' type cover up after a research balloon crashed in the Australian outback today. "It's an exact copy of the Roswell scenario" said one man, "First there's an unexplained and myster...
Read full storyMan in Hiding After Insurance Company Pays Entire Hospital Bill-By Mistake
There is a man from Pennsylvania out there right now who is minus an appendix, but not his hard-earned savings. He wishes to remain anonymous but says he feels like he just won the lottery. He just found out that the $43,000 hospital bill, of which h...
Read full storyTories in cloud cuckoo land as Mayor Boris tries to get his filthy little mitts on the Royal Parks
London - (PigsMightFly): Same old Tory kleptocrats trying to get their snouts in the Royal trough! That's the verdict from the Crown Estate this weekend amid reports David Cameron plans to 'hand' London Mayor Boris Johnson control of the Royal Par...
Read full storyTragic death of Jack Duckworth's pigeon
Coronation Street legend Jack Duckworth was reported to be "heartbroken" last night after one of his pigeons died in a freak accident. The bird came to grief after becoming caught up in a tangled storyline. Granada TV confirmed this morning tha...
Read full storySamantha Ronson Says Lindsay Lohan's New BFF Is Jack Crack
SANTA MONICA - Lindsay Lohan's ex-boyfriend Samantha Ronson says she is afraid of where LiLo is headed. Ronson revealed that Lindsay has gotten to the point where she just does not care. Ronson said that LiLo's new BFF seems to be Jack Crack. She...
Read full storyChinese Bloke Dies In 'Eel Up The Bum Prank' Gone Wrong
When Chinese chef Lee Kee Woof got a bit bladdered on beer and rice wine the other day, he had no idea that the consequences of his binge would leave him dead. Or he probably wouldn't have done it. As Lee Kee Woof passed out from his excess, his m...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson asks about Blood
After reading a story about a man who claims to have survived for 70 years eating nothing Robert Pattinson, is searching for answers as to whether there is any truth about vampires or people eating blood and could they survive on blood alone. Robe...
Read full storyKelly Clarkson Blames Her Weight Gain on Record Mogul Clive Davis
EAU CLAIRE, Wisconsin - Kelly Clarkson's personal hair stylist Jose of San Jose has revealed that the Texas songstress has been very depressed of late. José, as his Hispanic friends refer to him, was with Clarkson while she accepted a life time ac...
Read full storyObama Unleashes 'Avenging Sword of Allah' Against Arizona!
President Barack Hussein Obama issued a devastating Fatwa against the struggling state of Arizona which has been over run with crime from outside it's borders and forced to take measures to protect it's citizens and it's financial well being, thereby...
Read full storyGreece Economy Saved by Oil
Still debating whether or not to financially exclude Greece from the European monetary standard, Western European countries were pleased to hear that Greece had found a way to answer its financial troubles with newly found oil resources. Proposed...
Read full storyPicking your nose
Among the most prolific nose pickers are Prince of Wales who is frequently found digging for gold when watching "EastEnders" Adrienne Chiles whilst at a traffic lights. Nigeria Lawson and Sofia Dhal as they prepare there fairy cakes. Neil Armstrong had a session before taking a giant step for Man. This is why the myth about not landing on the moon, he was observed by all at NASSA. Al...
Read full storyJesus' face appears in Gulf of Mexico oil spill
Gulf of Mexico - (Crude Mess): The face of Jesus has appeared in the massive oil slick gushing from the Deepwater Horizon rig which sank on 22 April. Aerial imagery from the Hubble Telescope shows the Messiah in the middle of the spill as it threa...
Read full storySupport grows for Monster Raving Rooney party
The latest General Election poll has predicted a landslide victory for the Monster Raving Rooney Party. Party leader Wayne Rooney is set to be elected Prime Minister according to a Giddy-up poll published today. "The Americans gave us George W.
Read full storyWings Go Down Hard on Sharks
Putting up a fine effort, the Detroit Red Wings go down in game one of the Western Conference semi-finals, losing to the San Jose Sharks 4 to 3. The top seeded Sharks expected to take at least one game in their own house, but the win gives them an...
Read full storyJesus Christ Arrested in Arizona
Jesus Christ was arrested just outside of Phoenix this morning by Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Arizona's famous racist Sheriff. Media outlets are reporting that Jesus and twelve companions were traveling to Phoenix when Arpaio stopped them on suspicion of bei...
Read full storyWiccan fears Queen won't survive Walpurgisnacht revelry
London - (Portents): Her father's bejewelled swastika flag is already draped over a gold-plated coffin of black locustwood, hewn from Regensburg Castle's ariosophic forest. Tonight, the Windsor chapter of Hellfire Anonymous is on emergency standby...
Read full storyRubbish Collectors Think Labour Are Rubbish
Even working class Rubbish Collectors think Labour are Rubbish it emerged today after a car crash involving a dustbin lorry and a volkswagen golf, in Birmingham, today just yards from where ten Labour cabinet members were standing in front of a huge...
Read full storyPolice launch search for Jedward
A nationwide police hunt has been launched for Jedward after reports that the pop superstars have disappeared off the face of the earth. An ashen-faced Simon Cowell emerged from his luxury holiday home in Cleethorpes to issue a heartfelt plea to J...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Adopts Lindsay Lohan
Following comments made to Access Hollyweird reporters yesterday, Rosie O'Donnell has filed paperwork in Los Angeles County to legally adopt Lindsay Lohan. Citing her own personal concerns for Lohan's safety and with the hope of providing a safe a...
Read full storyGoldman's Sack Probed by Federal Prosecutors
Following a week of prosecutorial investigation, a single man was identified at the core of the Goldman Sachs controversy, and is now at the center of a federal probe. Bernie "The Bookie" Goldman, who hasn't set foot in a Goldman Sachs office buil...
Read full storyThree Strikes and you're out
It used to be three strikes and you were out but that does not seem to apply for Gordon Brown. He has appeared in three of these leaders debate programmes on television and three times out of three he has finished third. Actually its the same as bein...
Read full storyUS Navy: It's OK For Women to 'Go Down!'
The US Navy opened the last bastion closed to serving female officers by telling them it was OK to join the submarine service and go down for their country. Due to the confined quarters on a US Navy Attack Submarine where as many as nine sailors b...
Read full storyGordon Brown "I'm not going."
Gordon Brown today announced "I am the Prime Minister and I am not going to leave just because a load of bigots are allowed to put a cross on a piece of paper. We are introducing with immediate effect a new electoral system based on "intellectual rig...
Read full storyMan claims I have not eaten for seventy years
Scientists are studying a man called Prahlad Jani, in a hospital in Ahmedabad, Gurjarat, in India, because he claims he has not eaten anything in 70 years. For the last six days he has been observed by scientists this skinny old man of 82, has had...
Read full storyUpper Class Black Man Tweets Racist Remarks
Outraged political powers around the globe are calling upon microblogging service provider Twitter to close the account of an African American who's sporting several derogatory and libelous messages aimed at them. John Prescott, a man of notable p...
Read full storyBubbles the chimp rushed to hospital
Bubbles the chimp has been admitted to hospital suffering from a sore arse. The pampered primate had recently been adopted by Graham Norton after the tragic death of his brother, Michael. Doctors at the Royal Marzipan Hospital are desperately s...
Read full story'Happy endings' massage boss cleared
Bedfordshire police have been humiliated after the owner of bungalow in Chalton Heights was cleared of running a brothel from the property. An investigation into the goings-on at the property was initiated after adverts appeared in local newspape...
Read full storyPhilip K. Dick: A Glaring Omission, I Believe
The other day I was reading from a collection by the noted science fiction author Philip K. Dick. The collection included stories such as The Minority Report, Paycheck, Impostor and a lesser-known short story called What The Dead Men Say. It is with regard to the latter that I write today, and about which I would like to pose a question to Mr Philip K. Dick. Now, I know as well as anyone else,...
Read full storyOxytocin used for crowd control
During the recent clash between Muslim fundamentalists, White Supremacists and Unite against Fascism protesters in Bolton last week, boffins at the Ministry of Defence had the chance to try their new Crowd Control Spray. Based on the so-called 'Cu...
Read full storyEllen DeGeneres Wants American Idol To Replace Simon Cowell With Rosie O'Donnell
WEST HOLLYWOOD - First year American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres wants the show to replace the exiting Simon Cowell with one of her best friends, fellow lesbo, Rosie O'Donnell. DeGeneres said that O'Donnell knows the words to more than 13,000 songs...
Read full storyKate Hudson's New Boob Job Moves Jesse James To Say All She Needs Now Are Tattoos And She Can Become One of His "Cycle Chicks"
HOLLYWOOD - Kate Hudson is still excited about her new 'boob job.' She has emailed, texted, and called everyone she knows and a few people that she does not even know and told them how thrilled she is to finally look down and see something other than...
Read full storySam Shuns Socialist Society While Simutaneously Sipping Its Swill
I have a friend who is an unusual case in point for our present national attitudes. Let us call him 'Sam'. If I would use his real name and he found it he would be hurt and angry. Even though it is the truth. Especially because it is the truth. Sam is a real flesh and blood person. A VERY real flesh and blood person because his flesh and blood in total weighs over 400 pounds. I am not maki...
Read full storyAsteroid Headed This Way, Explains Secret US Military Rocket Launch
The recent launching of a U.S. military rocket finally began making sense today even though the military still will not discuss it. However, our reporters have uncovered a copy of half-shredded military records that say that headquarters in Housto...
Read full storyMan Develops Resistance to Viagra
Men, beware, using Viagra when you are pretty sure you can get the ole puppy standing without the aid of drugs may just lead to a situation where, when you really need it, Viagra won't work--kind of like the problem we are now seeing with overuse of...
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